Tana Mongeau

I think that I like, I...

I now know I was hurting and I was numbing all of these things that had happened to me and just continuing to like get number and number and abuse substances more and numbing all these things that had happened to me.

But in my head, I was like, I am, I'm a party girl.

I'm Timu Lindsay Lohan.

Let's go.

Like, which is like,

and then people love that image and you start the wine brand and you're throwing the parties and you're gathering the lore that then works so amazing for this podcast that you're doing and like all of these things that you like convince yourself that no one's going to love you if like you stop all of these things and my identity became so tied to it to where I thought that not only that I loved being that but that that's who I had to be or no one would listen and like all of those things

TanaCon, for example.

Like, I spent an entire week at my best friend's apartment sobbing on the floor, reading everything, knowing that the whole world hated me and that I was a fucking failure and that I failed my fans.

And, like, I have goosebumps right now.

I will never... There's a part of me that will never get over that failure because I failed my fans so tangibly and directly and stuff.

However, I, like...

That criticism stuck with me.

And I knew that I needed to ensure that all of my business partners, like even though they were saying yes, if they were actually capable of doing things that you couldn't just trust people if they said they were going to do something.

And I didn't know that lesson before.

And I like learned that maybe I need more people around me that will say no to me, which I think was a longer less took me a little longer to learn.

But like, the big things did really stick.

You know what I mean?

Even just like storytelling.

more anecdotal things where when like I had bailed on BFF's podcast Dave Portnoy came online and said don't do business with her she's a fucking bozo like that one stuck with me where I was like I don't want to be that girl and then the substances were allowing me to continue to like fail and whatever but I internalized them and was doing my best to grow