Tana Mongeau

At all.

Exactly.

I lived with an anything goes.

I lived without discretion up until maybe 72 hours ago.

That's a joke.

I've definitely had nights where I stay up late and I think, God, how much better would it be if even the paparazzi or Team Bryce on God was erased from the Internet?

But at the same time.

and just like the jaw swinging like you know I can look back there's a paparazzi video of me going I hate people I love them like the paparazzi had asked me I was leaving catch honestly it was right around the same time as you and I had gotten that dinner and the paparazzi had asked me how do you feel about Addison Rae and Bryce Hall's breakup and I say I hate people I love them and then at the time I was very close with Josie Canseco and for some reason how fucked up I was I thought that Jose Canseco her father was my best friend so I'm talking about

Take me out to the ball game.

I'm talking about how Jose Canseco is my best friend.

And I can look back at the, the like, those moments and be like, that is objectively hilarious.

And like, I don't want that erased.

But then my jaw continued to swing for a little too long, you know, where it's like, you know, but at the same time, like,

i'm a firm believer in the butterfly effect all the way down to like the shoes i'm wearing today and the sweatsuit you're wearing today like that like that changed the entire course of our day i think that every little thing got me to the person that i am and for so long i was a person that i was not proud of for so long i was a person that i absolutely hated for so long i was like such a fucking mess that like every single mistake or embarrassing thing

taught me something whether it was heavy criticism whether it was like you are so fucking embarrassing get it together whether it was like and i just i i get scared when i think about like what if i erase that one thing and i continued to be that person i would be so sad if i was still that person that's such a good point

maybe find god and it's funny because i actually was sober in that video which makes it so much worse but i mean bender the night before bender right after i'm just saying like like i was like oh you were fully so you're like no no no just like in that very moment yes and that but no but i think it's more so one of those things where i was just lost

You know what I mean?

Like just who I was and the things I wanted to attend and the people I wanted to surround myself with.

I wrestled with my identity so much in that way.

Because at the time, I think even you're saying so lost and hurting, I think I didn't know that I was hurting.