Terry Real

Gangs are- It's a fraternity.

Gangs are a family.

That's tough.

I'm a big fan of doing men's group.

I love men's groups.

You don't need a therapist to lead it.

You get together with four other guys and just start talking about your lives.

Do a bowling league.

The only thing, I want to say two things.

One is I want the fraternity to support your relationality, not your individual empowerment and entitlement.

In my mind, it's sort of like... Well, to get together with four other guys and bitch about what a rotten life this is and how women are being incel.

Yeah, you want to grow.

Well, going back to having friends and training friends and cultivating friends, one of the things I teach guys is you want to train your friends to support your relationship, not your individual empowerment.

So, oh, my God, I had such a hard time with Belinda, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I don't want to hear you talk to me about what a bitch she is.

Maybe you can start that way.

But pretty quickly what I want to hear is, okay, Terry, what did you do to contribute to that?

And what might you do differently?

I want you to support the mature part of me and the relational part of me, not my individual empowerment.

And we have to train people to do that because our culture will gravitate toward individual empowerment.