Terry Real

The essence of traditional masculinity...

which didn't end in the 50s, it's still with us very much today, is stoicism.

The essence of being a man is being invulnerable.

The more invulnerable you are, the more manly you are, the more vulnerable you are, the more girly you are to this day.

And being girly is not a good thing.

Well, there's some problems with that.

One is we are vulnerable.

As human beings, that's a lie.

Denying our vulnerability is a lie.

And so I see chronic anxiety, depression.

Everybody's in a state of, do I measure up?

And you don't because what you're trying to measure up to isn't real.

You know, I say to guys, trying to run away from your own vulnerability is like trying to outrun your rectum.

It has a way of following you everywhere you go.

We are vulnerable.

And the other issue with that traditional model of stoicism is we connect to each other through vulnerability.

That's how human beings connect.

And men are walled off.

And one of the issues facing us is in hetero relationships, women across the West are insisting on levels of emotional connection and open heartedness and intimacy from us guys that

literally were stamped out of us as boys.