Terry Real

What women are asking for from men is relationality, is learning to be intimate, is opening up your heart and sharing your feelings, being vulnerable, being soft when your partner's vulnerable, being responsible. These are all wonderful things for guys. Stop whining and let me teach you how to do it.

What women are asking for from men is relationality, is learning to be intimate, is opening up your heart and sharing your feelings, being vulnerable, being soft when your partner's vulnerable, being responsible. These are all wonderful things for guys. Stop whining and let me teach you how to do it.

And the conundrum for men is what you learned about what it means to be a strong man as a boy guarantees you'll be seen as a lousy husband as a man. You cannot be invulnerable and intimate at the same time. So when I help men move into openheartedness, connection, the expression of feeling, compassion, responsibility, giving, I am explicitly reconfiguring masculinity with them.

And the conundrum for men is what you learned about what it means to be a strong man as a boy guarantees you'll be seen as a lousy husband as a man. You cannot be invulnerable and intimate at the same time. So when I help men move into openheartedness, connection, the expression of feeling, compassion, responsibility, giving, I am explicitly reconfiguring masculinity with them.

You want my mature therapeutic self or you want my New Jersey self?

You want my mature therapeutic self or you want my New Jersey self?

People with simple ideas will not have a hard time getting an audience. But these are carnival barkers who are leading our young men down the path of suicide. You know the TV show Adolescence, right?

People with simple ideas will not have a hard time getting an audience. But these are carnival barkers who are leading our young men down the path of suicide. You know the TV show Adolescence, right?

And all the press it got. Yeah. You cannot reassert your masculinity through dominance and bullying and violence. That is not the answer. It's just not.

And all the press it got. Yeah. You cannot reassert your masculinity through dominance and bullying and violence. That is not the answer. It's just not.

Oh, my God. I mean, I would say the house is burning. That's not a metaphor. Our planet is burning. I started off my last book, Us, with the father of family therapy, the great anthropologist Gregory Basin, Margaret Mead's husband, who is truly the creator of family therapy. Basin called Western civilizations philosophical error. And that's this, that we stand apart from nature.

Oh, my God. I mean, I would say the house is burning. That's not a metaphor. Our planet is burning. I started off my last book, Us, with the father of family therapy, the great anthropologist Gregory Basin, Margaret Mead's husband, who is truly the creator of family therapy. Basin called Western civilizations philosophical error. And that's this, that we stand apart from nature.

That's individualism. That's what the word individual means. We stand apart from nature, that's what I call toxic individualism, and we control nature, that's patriarchy. And whether the nature we think we can and should control is our bodies, our marriages, our kids, our country, the planet, the delusion of dominance is suicidal at this point.

That's individualism. That's what the word individual means. We stand apart from nature, that's what I call toxic individualism, and we control nature, that's patriarchy. And whether the nature we think we can and should control is our bodies, our marriages, our kids, our country, the planet, the delusion of dominance is suicidal at this point.

It's a backlash. It's a resurgence. And frankly, I think it's sort of the last gasp of a model of power and masculinity that— Relationality is the card I've got in my back pocket. And that's what we're born for. That's what we're designed for. And that's what will keep us in this planet alive.

It's a backlash. It's a resurgence. And frankly, I think it's sort of the last gasp of a model of power and masculinity that— Relationality is the card I've got in my back pocket. And that's what we're born for. That's what we're designed for. And that's what will keep us in this planet alive.

The dominance model makes for miserable people, miserable marriages, miserable families, and will choke the planet Earth.

The dominance model makes for miserable people, miserable marriages, miserable families, and will choke the planet Earth.

Well, it is gaining steam in the moment. I believe that an accurate reflection of reality will prevail the dysfunctionality of this approach will become more and more clear and people will move into something more mature and nuanced. The issue is, you know, how many generations is that going to take and what kind of shape will we be in?

Well, it is gaining steam in the moment. I believe that an accurate reflection of reality will prevail the dysfunctionality of this approach will become more and more clear and people will move into something more mature and nuanced. The issue is, you know, how many generations is that going to take and what kind of shape will we be in?