Terry Real

What I work with with the guys I work with is what I call learning to become family men. And what I say is a boy's question of the world is, what do you got for me? It's gratification. What do you got for me? A man's question of the world is, what do you need? What do you need? And being a family man means what's central here is not you and your needs.

What I work with with the guys I work with is what I call learning to become family men. And what I say is a boy's question of the world is, what do you got for me? It's gratification. What do you got for me? A man's question of the world is, what do you need? What do you need? And being a family man means what's central here is not you and your needs.

What's central here is the team and what they need from you. I talk to many of the men I work with about the distinction between gratification and what I call relational joy. And gratification is just what you think it is. It's a short-term hit of pleasure, taking a drink, smoking a joint. A pretty girl flirts with you. You make a killing that day in the stock market. Your kid gets an A. Great.

What's central here is the team and what they need from you. I talk to many of the men I work with about the distinction between gratification and what I call relational joy. And gratification is just what you think it is. It's a short-term hit of pleasure, taking a drink, smoking a joint. A pretty girl flirts with you. You make a killing that day in the stock market. Your kid gets an A. Great.

I like pleasure in its place. Relational joy, which I have to teach so many of the men I work with, even what it is, relational joy is a deeper down pleasure that comes just from being in the relationship and being connected. And sometimes it's gratifying, sometimes it's a pain in the neck. You know, I tell a story of my beautiful Alexander, now 35,

I like pleasure in its place. Relational joy, which I have to teach so many of the men I work with, even what it is, relational joy is a deeper down pleasure that comes just from being in the relationship and being connected. And sometimes it's gratifying, sometimes it's a pain in the neck. You know, I tell a story of my beautiful Alexander, now 35,

And when he was little, I was giving him a timeout and we didn't have locks. And so I was holding his bedroom door shut. I mean, this guy was like maybe two foot three. And that door on the other side trying to get open, I mean, it was like poultry. There were lightning was coming out of that. I mean, the earth.

And when he was little, I was giving him a timeout and we didn't have locks. And so I was holding his bedroom door shut. I mean, this guy was like maybe two foot three. And that door on the other side trying to get open, I mean, it was like poultry. There were lightning was coming out of that. I mean, the earth.

That little guy is trying to get it open. And I'm telling you, it's all. So a part of me wanted to just throw – truly, I talk about normal hatred in families. A part of me wanted to just throw them through the window. I was so mad. Yet a deeper down part was like, you mighty little spirit, you. Wow. You're going to do great.

That little guy is trying to get it open. And I'm telling you, it's all. So a part of me wanted to just throw – truly, I talk about normal hatred in families. A part of me wanted to just throw them through the window. I was so mad. Yet a deeper down part was like, you mighty little spirit, you. Wow. You're going to do great.

And what so many of the men in our culture don't understand is the simple joy of being and connection. Right.

And what so many of the men in our culture don't understand is the simple joy of being and connection. Right.

Men should listen to what I'm saying because it's in your interest to. You will be happier. Your marriage will be happier. You will change the legacy that you pass on to your children. And listen, I know how important that is to you out there, whoever's listening, that guy. The American dream, everybody talks about what is the American dream.

Men should listen to what I'm saying because it's in your interest to. You will be happier. Your marriage will be happier. You will change the legacy that you pass on to your children. And listen, I know how important that is to you out there, whoever's listening, that guy. The American dream, everybody talks about what is the American dream.

The American dream is the dream that our children will have it better than we did. When we think about that, we almost always think about that in terms of material success. But I want you to think about your children having a better legacy than you had. I think ma'am will listen. You know, the thing is that I'm right.

The American dream is the dream that our children will have it better than we did. When we think about that, we almost always think about that in terms of material success. But I want you to think about your children having a better legacy than you had. I think ma'am will listen. You know, the thing is that I'm right.

Yeah, this is hilarious. So, you know, in families, there are famous stories. And here's one that was true then, and I'm still working on it now. When my kids were teenagers, they're in their 30s now, they both joined hands and kind of bounced up to me and said, Dad... Are you aware of the fact that when we confront you with something we're critical about, that you're dismissive of us?

Yeah, this is hilarious. So, you know, in families, there are famous stories. And here's one that was true then, and I'm still working on it now. When my kids were teenagers, they're in their 30s now, they both joined hands and kind of bounced up to me and said, Dad... Are you aware of the fact that when we confront you with something we're critical about, that you're dismissive of us?

And I looked at them. This is absolutely true. And I looked at them and I said, that's ridiculous.

And I looked at them. This is absolutely true. And I looked at them and I said, that's ridiculous.