Terry Real

What's missing in our culture generally is relationality.

What's missing in our culture is the beauty of connection.

And look, you follow the science.

I've been saying this for 40 years, and now the science is really very clear.

Being connected, being intimate with yourself and with others

That's what we humans are born for.

That's how we're designed for pack animals.

And the lack of intimate connection is not only bad for us psychologically, but I think it was Vivek Murthy who quoted, it's as bad as smoking a pack and a half of cigarettes a day on your body.

We are born to be connected and related.

And I wrote about male depression back in the 90s

what I said is the way we, quote, turn boys into men is through disconnection.

We tell them to disconnect from their hearts, less so younger men, disconnect from others, that's being independent and autonomous.

And the cost of disconnection is disconnection.

And some men have recovered more feeling inside their skin, but they haven't developed the art of connection yet.

You know, I deal with, just like you and many of your, I deal with high rollers in my practice.

And one of the things that I teach these guys is the difference between gratification and what I call relational joy.

Gratification is just what you think, a short-term hit of pleasure.

And our culture loves gratification.

And, you know, these captains of industry who come in and fly their private planes in to see me, they're all about gratification.

And they've done beautifully at it.