Tessa West
speaker
187 appearances
3 recordings
1 series
first heard Jun 2023
last heard Sep 2024
Tessa West’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
That's right.
You know, people can really lean into it if you give them very specific instructions.
And what's great about it is people feel much more confident if you tell them to avoid saying negative stuff completely, focus on the behavior someone's doing, make them small and bite-sized and immediate, and really avoid making attributions for people's behavior completely.
Don't use the word jerk.
Don't say mean or don't say you intended to do this, that, and the other.
If you stick to the small stuff, to the behaviors that people are doing, then they feel suddenly much more confident in being able to deliver that kind of feedback.
So that's usually how we train people on kind of how to get around this very sticky social situation.
The best thing to do is to approach them and ask them if you can talk about the event that led you to feel like they were a jerk.
You know, maybe in a meeting they cut you off 15 times or interrupted you, or maybe your boss micromanaged you and oversaw your work a little too much.
Instead of going to them and telling them how you feel,
Go to them and say, can we talk about that event?
I feel like maybe we're not on the same page regarding some of those behaviors.
And then at the end of the conversation, you know, where you deliver information or you ask them about how did they feel about this behavior?
Here's what I thought that meant.
Ask for feedback yourself.
As soon as it feels reciprocal, as soon as the person you're giving feedback to feels like they can also give some feedback to you, they feel much better about it.
They're less likely to feel attacked.
They're much less defensive about the feedback experience.
Absolutely.
And I think most of us, when we encounter jerks, it's death by a thousand paper cuts.
Showing 141–160 of 187 · page 8 of 10
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