Thais Gibson

It's that we, you were like, what causes that sort of attraction piece?

And this plays right into this, which is we are attracted to people.

So your conscious mind is responsible for three to 5% of all of your beliefs, your thoughts, your emotions, your actions, your subconscious and unconscious collectively are 95 to 97%.

And so what's really interesting is consciously, our conscious minds are logical, analytical minds, and our subconscious is our habituated self, our programming, our conditioning.

And our conscious mind will say, I want the emotionally available partner.

I want the person who is ready to be interrelated.

We'll say all the things in the world.

But secure people feel that consciously and subconsciously.

Insecure people don't.

Insecurely attached people don't really have that same experience.

So for example...

Our subconscious mind equates familiarity to safety and thus survival, and ultimately we're survival-wired.

And so what ends up happening is people who are, let's say, anxiously attached, for example, they'll often say consciously that they want the emotionally available partner, but they will feel most attracted to and be most likely to invest in, because your subconscious mind runs the show, people who are most familiar.

What is most familiar to each of us is actually the way we treat ourselves.

And so if you look at the anxious person, how does the anxious person treat themselves?

Well, because they're so externally focused on everybody else's feelings and needs, they often dismiss and avoid their own feelings, their needs, their boundaries.

And so what happens as a result of that is they're very much often attracted to people who mirror that back to them.

And even if you flip that around to the dismissive avoidance, dismissive avoidance end up in situations where they're like preoccupied with their own time to themselves.

They're going, do I have enough time to myself to regulate?

Do I have enough space?