Thais Gibson

And it's so beautiful to see people practice that because in real time when they are triggered.

before they're doing a lot of wound rewiring and meeting their needs, a really powerful practice is to do that form of somatic processing work, which is, yes, do things to train your nervous system through breath work or meditation daily.

All of those things are amazing.

But in those moments throughout the day where you feel those emotions arise, practicing, witnessing the sensations, being with the sensations.

noticing what those sensations feel like in your body it actually takes the emotional charge down quite strongly and it gives people the opportunity to feel re-regulated and back to more of their conscious mind self again and so you know we get people to practice that on a regular basis and it's powerful for emotional regulation but my favorite part of it

is that it gives you the gift of self-attunement.

Because rather than being in a position where we feel emotion, let's like hide it through scrolling on social media or turning on the TV or drinking a beer or whatever it might be.

It's actually the practice of learning in hard moments to come back and return to being fully present within oneself.

So pillar four, so you actually said this a moment ago, and I thought this was, you were like on the money, you knew it was coming.

So you mentioned regulation, so people regulating through other people.

And what I actually found over and over again for people is that people can't co-regulate very effectively in relationships if they have no ability to self-regulate on their own, because it goes back to that kind of concept where they overpressure the person to kind of do it for them.

And that may work in specific cases for periods of time, like, oh, you have a friend there and they really help you and they make you feel better.

But like, let's take an anxious attachment.

So somebody who's very anxiously attached, for example, they would usually end up in these themes or patterns over time where they would always be relying on their friends to do that.

And then eventually their friends say, well, they always come to me for stuff, but then they don't change their patterns or behaviors.

And then the friend starts kind of drifting back or pulling away or not being as present.

And then the anxious person gets frustrated or stressed.

And then the other friend is becoming more resentful.

And it just what may work in the short term isn't really working in the long term unless we learn to

to self-regulate.