Thais Gibson

Like,

It can be that, but the vast majority of cases, it's more subtle.

So a lot of times instead, it's like, you know, parents are both home, but they're both emotionally shut down and unavailable because they're busy or preoccupied or not present.

And then when children try to make emotional bids for connection,

The parents are like, they just don't have time.

They deflect, they diminish.

If the child cries or expresses distress, the parents end up being like, oh, don't be a crybaby, get it together.

And because children are wired for attunement and for that emotional closeness, if it constantly gets rejected, at a young age, they're like, well, I just, I constantly get rejected.

What's the point of trying to need somebody?

And so they suppress their emotions.

They actually come to believe that their own emotions are shameful or make them weak.

Oh, yeah.

And so then they really suppress down their own emotions, right?

And their adaptation to growing up in an environment like that is like, I just have to become hyper independent.

I have to not need people.

And if I don't need people, then I feel in control again.

Because if I'm in this environment where I'm trying to emotionally lean on people and I feel like I need, but I can't get access, then I just feel out of control and shameful.

And so as adults, they become really hyper independent.

Sometimes they can, they tend to sue through creature comforts.

They never got to sue through people.