Thais Gibson

Insecure people don't.

Insecurely attached people don't really have that same experience.

So for example...

Our subconscious mind equates familiarity to safety and thus survival, and ultimately we're survival-wired.

And so what ends up happening is people who are, let's say, anxiously attached, for example, they'll often say consciously that they want the emotionally available partner, but they will feel most attracted to and be most likely to invest in, because your subconscious mind runs the show, people who are most familiar.

What is most familiar to each of us is actually the way we treat ourselves.

And so if you look at the anxious person, how does the anxious person treat themselves?

Well, because they're so externally focused on everybody else's feelings and needs, they often dismiss and avoid their own feelings, their needs, their boundaries.

And so what happens as a result of that is they're very much often attracted to people who mirror that back to them.

And even if you flip that around to the dismissive avoidance, dismissive avoidance end up in situations where they're like preoccupied with their own time to themselves.

They're going, do I have enough time to myself to regulate?

Do I have enough space?

And so what's really interesting is consciously they'll say, oh, I want somebody who gets my freedom and respects it.

But subconsciously, they'll often go and invest in people who are very preoccupied with them.

And so that's why you often pair up with people of different attachment cells.

And that's often why you see secure people be with secure people.

And so when it comes to dating, the most important thing, and I will say this forever, and nobody likes to hear it, but it's the truth, is that the most important thing you're ever going to do is learn to have a secure relationship with yourself first.

And that's going to be through rewiring these insecure patterns.

And I'm sure we can get into all the ways how, but rewiring those insecure patterns because you can say that you want the healthiest relationship.

You can have your checklist.