Thais Gibson

So they sue through things.

That can be food, television, work.

It can be workaholics a lot of the time.

It can be people who, you know, take up a ton of hobbies like fishing, hunting, all these things.

So they can have a lot of these things where they're soothing through external things because they never learn to co-regulate with other people.

Right.

They end up thinking that this part of themselves that's emotional is so wrong and defective that as adults, they never want to get seen.

They don't want their emotions to be heard and seen.

They don't want to be vulnerable to people.

So they usually end up in relationships where as soon as things get real, like four or six months in, they start shutting down.

And if they stay in a relationship, they're quite unavailable to people a lot of the time unless they do the work.

And sometimes they don't stay in relationships.

Sometimes they're like, they go through series of patterns in relationship where they get close to people and then as soon as things feel too real, their nervous system can't handle it.

They're like, oh, every time I felt vulnerable as a child, I was just rejected and my needs weren't met.

Why would I want to put myself back in that position?

So they sabotage.

But what's happening is consciously they're like, I should stay in this relationship.

Maybe I want a family or a marriage.

And subconsciously, their subconscious mind and nervous system are saying, no, connection makes you feel like you're shameful and defective and like you're trapped and helpless and powerless.

Exactly.