Thais Gibson

I need time because that's when I feel connected.

So now they actually understand what's going on.

And then, OK, what do we need?

Paint the picture.

And when people paint the picture, they realize it's actually very reasonable from both ends.

Usually an anxious attachment style will say, OK, you know, what can I actually do as a baseline in terms of how much time I need together?

I think two nights a week would be acceptable for me.

And then maybe a 15 minute phone call a couple other nights a week.

I could do that.

And if I know that we're going to do that and commit to that, I can feel good about that.

And then dismissive avoidance, they're not going, oh, you want to spend every night with me all day, every day.

You know, you want to take up my whole life.

They're like, oh, two evenings a week.

And then I can do my own thing on Sunday afternoon.

I can do my own thing on Monday, Tuesday evenings.

And I have, you know, all this other time to see friends, whatever it might be.

Okay, that's actually feasible.

So what I find is even if people don't want to do the work, if they can communicate very clearly and specifically use that ingredient of painting a picture for what that looks like, we resolve a lot of those projected fears that cause those miscommunications to begin with.

It's a great question.

I'll be really honest.