Thais Gibson

What I believe is that, and I'll see this a lot, one person can lead the way.

So I see a lot of time, one person starts doing the work, they learn to communicate, they become really good at it.

And the other person like,

Once they see their partner communicating so healthily and they're regulated and they're not so triggered from their wounds and they're so clear about their needs, the vast majority of time it gives the other person permission to do the same and they follow their lead.

But I will say in roughly 10% of cases, somebody's in a position where they're like, I'm not doing any of this stuff.

I don't want to communicate.

I don't wanna have these conversations about your needs.

I'm sorry, I'm not gonna do that at all.

It's usually from their own woundedness that their unwillingness is there.

But I say to people like, hey, if that's the case, I tell people set a deadline, try your living hard out, do everything you can in this deadline.

So deadline might be 90 days, it might be six months if you're in a longer term relationship or if you're in a marriage with children, it might be a year or a year and a half.

Do everything you can as that one person in that period of time to show up the best that you can.

You know, without your wounds, know your needs, regulate your nervous system, communicate beautifully, set healthy boundaries.

If it doesn't work and the person's literally unwilling at the end of that period of time, your only choice if you want to be in a healthy relationship is probably to walk away.

And that's because if you're not happy in that situation, you cannot have one person doing the emotional labor for both people.

And then usually what happens is your position for a win-win because you have healed so much and you're going to be in a place where you feel stable and emotionally well enough to walk away from something that may actually not be a fit for you.

And so you're okay.

And you also know I can walk away guilt and regret free.

I tried everything.

Or your best case scenario is 90% of the time the other person jumps on board and the relationship evolves because you led the way.