Thais Gibson

More often than not, the person who's dragging their feet in commitment the most is deeply, directly running in parallel to the person who's also not communicating their needs and relationships.

And so they're afraid to commit.

And a lot of times people's commitment fears are, yes, coming from core wounds of being trapped or helpless or powerless in that pillar.

But a lot more of the time, commitment fears are rooted in somebody not knowing how to communicate their needs.

So they're more scared to get trapped because they're like, well, what if I commit to this?

And then I don't feel fully fulfilled or have my needs met.

But once they learn to communicate their needs, a lot of those conversations usually end up being things like,

Hey, yeah, I guess like one of the reasons I'm afraid to commit is I'm scared that I'm going to lose, you know, my time with my friends sometimes.

And I need to be able to have that in the long term and go off and hang out with the boys sometimes or go have a girls weekend or whatever it might be.

And then the person's like, oh.

I can honor that.

I can make that a part of our marriage.

I can, you know, and it's this catalyst to a huge breakthrough.

Or sometimes it's things like, hey, I guess what's holding me back is sometimes I feel like I get criticized more than I feel good about.

And it makes me want to pull away.

And I'm not sure if I see that being...

You know, something I'm really happy in long term.

And then the person hears that and they're able to say, oh, my gosh, it's time for me to clean up the way I communicate.

And then there's this breakthrough and they both feel safer.

So I would love to tell people, hey, there's some manipulative easy fix where you tell them this thing and you say, if you don't commit, I'll leave and give an ultimatum.