Thais Gibson

Yeah, I'll be honest.

I still have a bone to pick with that too a little bit.

Because people do this thing too.

And this is like a big trending body of work too.

They say, if you're insecurely attached, just date a secure person.

And the data actually shows us that that only works a very small percentage of people because here's why.

Our subconscious mind running the show at the 95%, it literally wants so badly to, it equates familiarity to safety, to survival.

So it's like, what's familiar is safe because we've been surviving this long.

So it's working.

And what's actually most familiar to all of us is the way we treat ourselves.

So what's really interesting is if you pick that apart, you can look at somebody who's like anxiously attached, for example, and they say, I should date a secure person.

That's what I consciously learned.

Their subconscious mind will often meet the perfect person and go, they're boring.

Because at a subconscious level, what actually feels familiar is somebody who makes you feel like you make yourself feel, which is what?

Well, if you're anxious, you're people pleasing and you're looking outwardly and you're trying to bend over backwards for everybody else.

So as an anxious person, you end up being in a position where you dismiss yourself, you avoid yourself, you don't set boundaries, you don't take up for your own feelings, you don't share your needs.

So guess who you're most attracted to?

often dismissive avoidance, who also will dismiss you and avoid your feelings and not look out for your boundaries or your needs in a relationship.

And so then we tell people, oh, just date a secure person if you're insecurely attached, and then they can go find the perfect person on paper.

This happened to me.