Thais Gibson

They should be the source of my soothing rather than I have to learn to soothe myself too sometimes and be present and attuned with my own emotions and work through my own stories.

And so until we learn how to give our own needs to ourselves halfway, we're always going to be running on empty and trying to source them from other people, which leads to us a lot of the time lowering our standards.

We're like, I'll take anything because I'm dying for something.

And so that's often what leads people to be putting up with breadcrumbs in relationships.

If you're giving yourself your needs a two out of 10 and somebody is giving them to you a three,

you pine after the three out of 10 when like we should be looking for a nine, right?

And so a part of it is the second pillar is like we learn to meet our own needs.

The third pillar is we learn to regulate our nervous systems.

And the last two pillars are we learn to communicate in healthier ways because a lot of insecure attachment cells got taught really painful patterns of communication.

And we learn to set boundaries consistently.

And boundaries are very much an authentic expression of ourselves.

It's our yeses and our nos.

It's our entire truth.

And a lot of people are insecurely attached.

You know, dismissive avoidance set too strong of boundaries.

They say no to everything.

Anxiously attached individuals set almost no boundaries.

And fearful avoidance are, they set no boundaries until they get really mad.

And feel taken advantage of.

And then they set extreme boundaries.