Thais Gibson

And we learn to give them to ourselves first, because until we do that, we will keep over seeking them from others and we won't know how to self-source them.

And then we're always running from person to person.

Like we're pulling into a gas station and our gas tank is fully empty and that gas station better be open.

And, and so for example, if somebody grew up and they

didn't get consistency or they weren't, they didn't feel soothed consistently, they're going to be like, oh, my partner should always soothe me.

They should be the source of my soothing rather than I have to learn to soothe myself too sometimes and be present and attuned with my own emotions and work through my own stories.

And so until we learn how to give our own needs to ourselves halfway, we're always going to be running on empty and trying to source them from other people, which leads to us a lot of the time lowering our standards.

We're like, I'll take anything because I'm dying for something.

And so that's often what leads people to be putting up with breadcrumbs in relationships.

If you're giving yourself your needs a two out of 10 and somebody is giving them to you a three,

you pine after the three out of 10 when like we should be looking for a nine, right?

And so a part of it is the second pillar is like we learn to meet our own needs.

The third pillar is we learn to regulate our nervous systems.

And the last two pillars are we learn to communicate in healthier ways because a lot of insecure attachment cells got taught really painful patterns of communication.

And we learn to set boundaries consistently.

And boundaries are very much an authentic expression of ourselves.

It's our yeses and our nos.

It's our entire truth.

And a lot of people are insecurely attached.

You know, dismissive avoidance set too strong of boundaries.