Tom Ballard

I don't care why the caged UFC fighters fight.

The main thing is they're f***ing fighting, and that makes me feel alive, and it makes me rock hard.

And if you're not rock hard while watching these half-naked men touch each other so hard that liquid starts gushing out of them, well, guess what?

You're un-American and trans.

We hold these truths to be self-evident that dudes rock.

And as Americans, we believe in life, liberty, and the pursuit of brain damage.

that's what i think about it oh good thanks for putting out so uh so uh so succinctly you're welcome do you think trump's really into it because he's a big broadway guy of course he loves the musicals of course we know he's going to broadway a lot so can i don't know i guess there are some broadway slash ufc fans out there but he said that like the kennedy said it needs to bring back non-woke musicals i guess this is what he meant

Like UFC fights on the White House floor?

Some people don't like it.

Senator John McCain once labelled MMA human cockfighting, which I think is unfair to the cognitive capacity of roosters.

Yes, roosters have very small brains, but unlike Conor McGregor, they do understand basic concepts like object permanence and consent.

Oh, wonderful.

It's great to see these young, you know, sex criminals, you know, beaming in to pay tribute to the elder sex pest as well.

The match was apparently meant to celebrate the American fighting spirit, and I think that's important because the American fighting spirit has had a bit of a rough trot lately, particularly when put up against the Vietnamese fighting spirit, the Iraqi fighting spirit, the Taliban's fighting spirit, the Iranian fighting spirit, and the fighting spirit of declining adult life expectancy and infant mortality rates.

I think Trump should be organising an event to pay tribute to the American losing spirit as well, you know, which could perhaps just be a massive screen in the White House showing a documentary about Chinese infrastructure.

Fun fact, I believe that's what Moses originally said, and he was misheard when he said, let my people go.

Like, what?

Oh, oil, sorry.

Yes, his wealth is now similar to the entire annual economic output of Switzerland.

Musk and Switzerland are considered to be in a dead heat when it comes to friendliness towards Nazis, though.