Tom Bellamy

speaker

207 appearances 2 recordings 1 series first heard Feb 2026 last heard 26 Feb

Tom Bellamy’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

Trend

recordings per month · last 12 months

Recordings per month over the last 12 months — 2 in all, peaking in Feb 2026 with 2.

Appearances

newest first · ▶ plays the moment

The Last Show with David Cooper · Limerence and Breaking the Romantic Obsession Cycle · 26 Feb 2026 podcast

So it's a natural reward that you become so, that you desire so strongly that it becomes irresistible.

And in fact, the neuroscience behind this is quite well understood in terms of the changes within the brain that mean that your sort of dopamine system is driving you into a state of wanting something.

so powerfully that it becomes difficult to resist.

And your executive brain that should be sending feedback to moderate that desire, that gets weakened.

So it's a known phenomenon that there are some natural rewards.

So gambling is the best studied, but

People often talk about addiction to the internet or to shopping or to pornography or various other behaviors that can become addictive.

Now, this is different to, say, cocaine or alcohol addiction or some other drug of abuse because there, of course, you are introducing a chemical into your body that will directly affect the brain and directly change the operation of the brain.

So there is a bit of a distinction there, but I would definitely class limerence amongst those kind of behavioral addictions.

So the changes in the brain are real.

You drive yourself into a state where you want someone to such an extent that it becomes irresistible.

For some people, this state, especially if you have requited love, if the person that's the object of your affection, you're dating them, they want to be in a relationship with you, I'm sure it's all very healthy and fun and exciting.

But for others, it can be a problem, especially if the person you're crushing over isn't returning those feelings or it just gets so intense, you don't show up to work, you know, your whole life falls by the wayside like with other addictions.

In that kind of more unhealthy case, how can we break this cycle?

Sure, so you're absolutely right.

If you're able to have an open relationship with the person that you've become limerent for,

then it can be wonderful.

You can just form a kind of a union, an ecstatic union together and enjoy the fireworks.

But if you're not able to do that, and unrequited love is a good example of that, but even worse is if you become limerent for somebody and there are kind of constraints.

So there's barriers like professional barriers or social barriers like the person that you're infatuated is married or, you know,

Showing 61–80 of 207 · page 4 of 11