Troy Iwata
Appearances
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
Jordan, I'm at the hospital for young people who aren't feeling well. And you might not think that their feelings are important, but when these sick kids found out that Trump used an auto pen on their letters, their hearts broke. And they died. What? Holy shit, all the kids died? Well, no, there's still one hanging on and he is being so brave. Oh, okay.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
No, a lot of them weren't even sick. Some had scrapes, some had a tummy ache, some had that fake get-out-of-school-cough, you know, with the curled tongue, that one. But no matter what it was, when they learned about the Autopen, their hearts just stopped working. Except for one kid whose life support cord I tripped over. That was my bad. And I said I was sorry!
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
Little kids just love tariffs, Jordan. I don't know, maybe some of them are racist, but the point is, they're gone now. No more little booger fingers, no more department store tantrums, no more screaming on airplanes. You know what, I'm kind of talking myself into this. Troy, no. Troy, you're being very callous. Sorry, you're right, you're right.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
Okay, some of these kids were five and six years old, so all they had at the end were their stuffed animals and their jobs at Doge. It was...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
Well, fortunately, President Trump sent them all letters of condolence. He got a lot of them signed pretty quickly and... Oh, wait, oh, wait. Families, don't open those letters!
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Jordan, Eric Adams has promised to not be affected by the pardon, but that remains to be seen.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Troy, are you getting your teeth whitened?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Yay, penis mercy.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Musk's Gov't Purge, Trump's J6 Revenge, Is Any of This Legal? | Nicole Avant
You can count on me, Desi. I'm versed in legal statutes, I have access to a network of law professors, and I'm wearing a bow tie.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Musk's Gov't Purge, Trump's J6 Revenge, Is Any of This Legal? | Nicole Avant
That is a beautiful question, Desi. It doesn't sound legal, but nothing does anymore. Let me tell you what, I'll do some research and I'll get back to you.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Musk's Gov't Purge, Trump's J6 Revenge, Is Any of This Legal? | Nicole Avant
What?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Musk's Gov't Purge, Trump's J6 Revenge, Is Any of This Legal? | Nicole Avant
Oh, I'm not done looking at the Treasury Department thing.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Musk's Gov't Purge, Trump's J6 Revenge, Is Any of This Legal? | Nicole Avant
Okay, okay, so should I do that question first?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Musk's Gov't Purge, Trump's J6 Revenge, Is Any of This Legal? | Nicole Avant
Okay, it's going to take a lot of work, so I have to... Thank you, Troy.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Musk's Gov't Purge, Trump's J6 Revenge, Is Any of This Legal? | Nicole Avant
I didn't get any of what you just said. Okay, I need to get my notepad. Thank you, Troy.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Musk's Gov't Purge, Trump's J6 Revenge, Is Any of This Legal? | Nicole Avant
Oh, my God! You can't be serious.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Musk's Gov't Purge, Trump's J6 Revenge, Is Any of This Legal? | Nicole Avant
You're going to find out in a second if it's legal for me to blow my brains out on the air.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
China Strikes Back at Tariffs by Roasting JD Vance & Selling Out Luxury Retailers | Sen. Tammy Duckworth
Do you want laundry capsule? Do you want laundry beads? One cost costs only five cents. Just ship custom-scented candles to U.S.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
China Strikes Back at Tariffs by Roasting JD Vance & Selling Out Luxury Retailers | Sen. Tammy Duckworth
Okay, uh, Troy, that's a lot of designer clothing. Mm-hmm. And I got it all for $8. Thank you, trade war.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
China Strikes Back at Tariffs by Roasting JD Vance & Selling Out Luxury Retailers | Sen. Tammy Duckworth
Okay, I know, but the longer this trade war goes, the more incredible deals I'm finding on TikTok. So personally, I think tensions could get like five to 10% higher. Even a dumb peasant country like China could understand that. Okay, Troy. No, Troy, that's exactly the kind of talk that could escalate the trade war. Okay, and I'm fine with that. Look, look, this is like 400 Tide Pods.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
China Strikes Back at Tariffs by Roasting JD Vance & Selling Out Luxury Retailers | Sen. Tammy Duckworth
And it was 15 cents. I had to break a dollar. I have a lot of luxury clothes to wash, and these are extra nice, so I'm going to wash them on extra hot with my towels. No, no. This could cause a global recession. All right, then we'll buy our way out of it. For the first time in our lives, we can get Hermes scarves in bulk, like all those dumb people in China.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
China Strikes Back at Tariffs by Roasting JD Vance & Selling Out Luxury Retailers | Sen. Tammy Duckworth
Troy, those aren't real Hermes scarves.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
China Strikes Back at Tariffs by Roasting JD Vance & Selling Out Luxury Retailers | Sen. Tammy Duckworth
Uh, yeah, Socrates. Okay. Just wait until Christmas, you'll change your tune once we're stuffing our stockings with Gucci. Aren't you Jewish? Not at these prices.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
China Strikes Back at Tariffs by Roasting JD Vance & Selling Out Luxury Retailers | Sen. Tammy Duckworth
Okay, let me speak to China. Damn, I nailed that. Troy, I speak Chinese. I have no idea what the you just said. All right, do you need me to explain Uncle Sam to you or a penis? Yeah, you know what? Get out of here, Troy. Troy Wada, everybody.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
China Strikes Back at Tariffs by Roasting JD Vance & Selling Out Luxury Retailers | Sen. Tammy Duckworth
Yeah, I mean, you're... You're throwing a lot of words around, but I think, like, that's... Yeah, we know what you're doing.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
Keeping things the same as they are now. With minor improvements. With minor improvements. I mean, I guess one thing that's good about Biden is he doesn't have the baggage, you know, say, that Hillary has.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
Come on! Maybe I've been focusing on the wrong thing. Maybe it isn't the voters that need the pep talk. It's Joe Biden. And Dakota has some advice that will shake the political landscape forever.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
Way to pump them up. Well, there's always 2028. Seriously, can I please sit in the front?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
Like most presidential elections, this election will be determined by disengaged, working class, independent voters from a few Midwest states. So I'm at a gathering of such voters in Thornville, Ohio. Okay, so it's 2024. We have a very exciting presidential election coming up. Very exciting. Everyone's really, really happy about it. Who are you voting for?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
Are you going to vote? Uh, hell no. Why don't you plan to vote? Because, like, you're voting for two people who pretty much doesn't care about your existence.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
Yes, this is the Gathering of the Juggalos, a music festival where young people in America's heartland explore new frontiers in fashion, self-care, and the arts, while enjoying the music of insane clown posse and other popular acts of the murder clown genre.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
These tens of thousands of disengaged youths could be a powerful voting bloc if only a political party would address the issues they care about. 100%, I believe global warming is real. Man, it gets hotter and hotter and hotter to go through the summers. I know, it's 9 a.m. and you already have your shirt off. How do you feel about cutting taxes for billionaires?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
Yes, I think billionaires should pay more taxes. In a way, they're sociopathic clowns.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
If you want to be a killer clown. If you want to be a trans killer clown, by all means, please do. I'm really glad that the killer clown community has opened up to the trans community as well. And there's one policy preference the Juggalettes feel especially strongly about.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
I'm going to put that on a t-shirt, by the way.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
Unsurprisingly, the Juggalos were interested in a third-party candidate, and their pick turned out to be more politically viable than RFK Jr.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
And that makes sense too, because President Violent J might scare some people. Of course the Juggalos would want one of their own in the White House, so I put on my best Juggalo formal wear to find out if Violent J himself would accept the nomination.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
Even though Violent J refused the mandate of commander-in-chief, he had clear policy preferences on everything from mass deportation... F***ed up. Now I remember why I hated Trump, that wall shit. ...to women's rights... They have the right to be the f***.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
I was starting to get a sense of where Violent J stood on the issues. But did the head of the Insane Clown Nation see himself in any of the candidates to lead our Insane Clown Nation?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
Oh, sure. Sure. I forgot mine. So Violent J is backing Harris. See, not all juggalos are sitting this election out. Now, what are the odds he's going to remember to vote on November 5th?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
Okay, well my self-therapy is free and only requires a nearby abandoned warehouse. Whereas these cuddle sessions could cost anywhere from $80 to $150. Who would pay for that?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
Why cuddling when there are so many other obvious ways to deal with your emotions? Like what?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
Okay. I needed a moment before I willingly spooned a stranger. I do see there are benefits, and I have been stressed. We've got climate change, race relations, people drinking orange juice with pulp. Just eat an orange. But it doesn't mean I have intimacy issues. Okay, maybe there is some stuff I need to work on. Bernadette does seem at peace. And what's the worst that could happen?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
Human touch. Is it a good thing? Some people crave it. Weird. And now it's easier than ever for them to get it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
Why'd you let me quit piano lessons? The Cuddlist were right. I felt transformed and my hormones were flying high. I was a new man ready to embrace the world through cuddles. Everyone is talking about the hottest new form of inflation, tipflation.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
Tipping is so hot, even the president-elect is talking about it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
And I don't know about you, but personally, it's been stressing me out.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
What have the plants done for us besides give us air to breathe?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
It looks like almost everyone not getting tips agrees about tipping. But do these hospitality workers notice tipping popping up everywhere?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
All right. So everyone agrees tipping is popping up everywhere and it sucks. So why not cancel the tip?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
It's clear tipping is overwhelming, but how do we escape it? And then I found it. Lula Cafe, a tip-free haven where all the employees had health care and no one carried the decimal point. They just carried food to the table. So I sat down with owner Jason Hamill to hear how he ran a restaurant without tips.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
Okay, I'm running out of f***ing ideas. But the president-elect did say something. Oh right, he was gonna get rid of taxes on tips.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
I think that's theirs. There shouldn't be tax on it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
Wow, that was easy. So we just stopped taxing tips. No problems whatsoever.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
As one who goes through life avoiding human contact, I wasn't thrilled about meeting someone who made a living from touching other people.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
Do you think if there was no federal tax on tips, people would get their entire paycheck in tips?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
Don't you think that politicians could solve this by just raising the minimum wage? Sure, and maybe some health care, and that could be good. The health care part would be really good. Yeah, there's a lot to talk about. But, you know, we're not here to talk about health care. Well...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
Okay, so tipping is everywhere, more than ever, but people need tips to make a living because minimum wage is so low.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
And taxing tips is bad, but we need to raise the minimum wage first so companies don't resort to paying the tipped minimum on even more jobs, which could result in tipped employees needing the consumer to tip more so they can make a living, which will result in tipping being everywhere more than ever. So how much do I tip to make sure no one starves? It's all on me! Are you okay? Do I look okay?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
My big takeaway, I still don't know how much to tip. Thank you so much for speaking with me. I don't know what 20% or 25 or 18, I don't know how much.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
But maybe we in the media are out of touch? I hit the streets to ask, what do voters really think of Joe Biden?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
It's okay. I wish I was more excited. On a scale of one to ten? Probably somewhere around a two or three. How would you compare that to, say, seeing some really beautiful latte art? I would put that maybe as a five. Could you point on this graph how you feel about voting for Joe Biden? Okay, some pain.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
But if you couldn't tell by the stick-and-poke tattoos and Warby Parker glasses, these people were all Democrats. There must be something they like about Joe Biden. He's a big ice cream guy. Mm-hmm. Can't vote against that. What do you think his favorite flavor is? Vanilla, 100%. Oh, my God. It's got to be super mid.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
11? Oh my God. Is this Joe, Joe Biden? Or is this like the famous corgi on Instagram named Joe Biden that I'm not aware of?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
Junior. Oh my God. There's an older one? Wow. Who was this guy? Against my better judgment, I followed him to his car. Oh my God. Oh. It's a cardboard cutout. Before I get in your car, I have to ask, this isn't a sex thing, right? It is not. Okay, good, yeah. I didn't think so. Yeah. Oh. Oh my God, you have Kamala too. Do you have the whole cabinet in there?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
Where's your cutout of acting labor secretary, Julie Su? Julie? Julie! Meet Dakota Galvin, Joe Biden's biggest and only superfan. Could he hold the key to helping Biden defeat Donald Trump and his MAGA army? Trump has this huge fan club of tens of thousands of really intense weirdos, and Biden has you.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
And how does one become a cuddlist? Do you need a degree, like a physical therapist, or is it like a fake certification, like a sandwich artist?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
Right. A cult-like devotion to one man. Am I right? Okay. Let's talk about the cardboard cutout. Why do you keep him in your trunk?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
I do. Okay, setting aside the question of whether the boyfriend was also a cardboard cutout, when did Dakota first realize he was Biden-curious?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
So you like him more now than when he was just Obama's white friend?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
Oh. That's a strong endorsement at a time when Joe Biden is so unpopular that somehow hating him is uniting pro-Israel and pro-Palestine protesters. So what does Dakota see in this guy?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
Yeah, I guess we can have fun with glaring reminders of his age. Turns out the things that get Dakota excited are different from other voters.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Troy Iwata
You know, I don't think there's anything we can do about his oldness or his whiteness, but do you think he would consider exploring his sexuality? Oh, gosh. Yeah. Sure. Joe Biden Tumblr fan fiction aside, could Dakota get Democrats fired up about Biden? I'm going to pretend to be someone who's not overly enthused to vote for Joe Biden, and I want you to convince me, all right? Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | President Elon
You can count on me, Desi. I'm versed in legal statutes, I have access to a network of law professors, and I'm wearing a bow tie.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | President Elon
That is a beautiful question, Desi. It doesn't sound legal, but nothing does anymore. Let me tell you what. I'll do some research and I'll get back to you.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | President Elon
Oh, I'm not done looking at the Treasury Department thing.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | President Elon
Okay, okay, so should I do that question first?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | President Elon
Okay, it's going to take a lot of work, so I have to... Thank you, Troy.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | President Elon
I didn't get any of what you just said. Okay, I need to get my notepad.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | President Elon
You're going to find out in a second if it's legal for me to blow my brains out on the air.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
Troy, what's the mood over there? Bad, Jordan, real bad. But we're hanging on to hope that we can get Elon Musk through this hard time. And luckily, you can help for the simple price of $30,000. That's just 70,000 cups of coffee a day. You can make sure the richest man in America stays the richest man in America.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
I was trying to before you rudely interrupted me. This man is barely worth $300 billion at this point, but we can change that for the simple price of $50,000. You can help a 53-year-old boy afford all the things he was already able to afford.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
Wow, Jordan, I thought liberals were supposed to care about immigrants and African-Americans, of which Elon is both. And you know, he's not as rich as he used to be. He lost $40 billion. That's 40 billion Arizona iced teas. But we can fix that for the simple price of $160,000. You can support an African man in need and his beautiful, growing ketamine addiction.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
It's okay. I forgive you. Because you can help. for the even simpler price of $2.5 million. You will get a thank you letter from one of his 37 children asking how they can get in touch with their father. Troy, come on.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
You mean like Jeff Bezos? Yes. For the simple price of one non-union factory.