Ty

And it's like, you know, even with like, you know, I feel like it's more Veda these days where she'll like ask me a lot of questions or like miss her and like things like that.

Nova goes through periods of the time.

Raya doesn't really know who she is yet or anything.

Right.

And I think.

and i feel like that hurts me even more like screw my feelings and my emotions towards it but when i see my other children like hurting and missing her and like that like affects me that's like when your parental claws come out yeah yeah yeah it's hard and then i start like blaming myself like oh like what did i do this like it was like why like

But I think that's normal.

That's normal, Ashley.

I think it's normal as like a birth mom to have those feelings.

I mean, I have the thoughts all the time of like the what ifs or what if I would have made a different decision?

What would my life look like?

I feel like it lets that into us.

it's a different like it's a type of for me anyways because everybody is different but I feel like for me being a birth mom I feel like it is like a pain and a sorrow that I will carry with me until the day that I die I don't think it ever goes away I think things are always going to be brought up at random times just because you know she's driving now oh damn that brings up emotions of me not being able to witness it or whatever the case is like I feel like there's just something that

I will carry with me throughout this whole entire life that I can't describe.

And I wanted to know, obviously becoming a mom and deciding to parent later on in your life and it being like her full-blooded sibling, did that pregnancy or his birth or even raising him, has it ever like brought up old emotions or like trigger maybe some grief from the past or anything?

Have you noticed that?

Because I know for me,

When I had Nova and she was born, I struggled really, really bad with postpartum depression and really severe anxiety.

And now that I'm years out of it, I can look back and be like, well, duh.

It was bringing up old wounds.