Chapter 1: What was Ashley's experience on '16 and Pregnant'?
Well, guys, I know I talked to you guys last week that we were going to have a guest this week, and I'm super excited. This week we have Ashley with us. Hi, Ashley. Hi, thank you so much for having me. Thank you for taking the time to do it. I know how it is being a mom and all the things that come with that. Yeah, yeah.
I mean, if people don't remember you, I mean, I don't know how they wouldn't, but you were on 16 and Pregnant Season 2, and you also chose adoption.
Yeah, so for people who don't know who you are, just give a little gist of how this all came to be.
like how it came to be like just like getting on the show or like choosing adoption or all of it yeah so yeah um i found out i was pregnant when i was uh i just turned 17 i was in 11th grade and there was this show 16 and pregnant i saw y'all i was like oh my gosh like this is this is like such perfect timing.
Cause like back then, I mean, I'm sure y'all remember it was just like such a taboo subject. Like it wasn't as like, I don't want to say accepted, but it just wasn't as common as it is nowadays. And I think that's just because people weren't really speaking about it yet. But some girl that I knew through like my space was like, Hey, there's this show. And I'm like, yeah, I'm aware.
And she's like, they're actually like casting for a new season. You should apply. And I was like, You know, whatever. Why not? And prior to that, I had started a blog because my school was so small that like everyone knew everyone. And there was like one other girl who was pregnant like a couple of years back in high school. And people just like started like talking and like chit chatting.
And I was like, you know what? If people are going to talk anyway and they're going to notice, I'm going to like out myself in my own way. So I started this blog. And so I applied to the show, submitted my blog. And I think that's like what helped me get on because that's what they noticed. And I don't know how it was for y'all, but they had me do like a questionnaire.
And then like the next day they got like right back to me and they were like, we want you to do like a video of a day in your life. So I did like a little vlog.
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Chapter 2: How did Ashley decide on adoption for her daughter?
I made that. And then like,
couple days later they were like hey we want to come out and start filming we want to like talk about your blog and like you know just everything like all that yeah that was kind of like the same thing for us same thing like we fill out this questionnaire all the things and then they wanted us to like shoot a video and like answer all these questions like be like over a video too and that was back in the day when we had flip cameras when it was like a little usb popped out from the side
I was, I was trying to remember, did they send us those to record on? Yeah. Okay. I was like, how the heck did I end up with the flip camera? Cause they, they gave me one later too, but I was like, how did I like, I remember recording on one, but I don't remember ever having one, like buying one.
Yeah. This was a day before a GoPro for all the.
Yeah, because I remember when they got GoPros and I was like, this is top tier.
I still have mine. Oh, do you really?
Yeah, that they gave us. Yeah, they gave us like a little like 16 and pregnant pin and like the flip cams.
Wow.
I still like have it. Yeah.
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Chapter 3: What emotional challenges did Ashley face during her pregnancy?
And, but after that, like she ended up being placed with them ultimately. And, um, After that, I still was trying to, like, I tried to go back. I haven't really talked about this, but I tried to go back and get her again and be like, you know what, I did make a mistake. And, I mean, I think that that would have not been right had I done that.
If they allowed that, I think that they did the right thing in keeping their, holding their boundaries there. But I think that they... I could be wrong, but I feel like because I kept pushing and pushing and pushing and wasn't like respecting that space, it kind of probably frustrated them a little bit. And then I got offended that they were frustrated. And so I was mad.
I stayed super mad for a while. And also like, I think that again, because we were close, we didn't really think that I needed counseling or anything like that. So I didn't really go through that. Neither did they, like, I think like they probably needed counseling too. Yeah. And so I don't think that they did that right away. So yeah, it's, it was, it's just like, it's really tough.
And now like, like you mentioned, like term terminology and like mom and things like that. Like, I still find myself like getting a little jealous whenever like she will like call like my cousin, like her sister and, or like, Hey, I'm going to go here with her. It's just like, like it frustrates me, even though I know like that's good for her that they've like totally accepted her as like family.
Um, Like, I mean, of course they have, like, I don't know how to explain that.
Um, well, I think it comes back to like, you know, you logically, you know, that yes, that's, but it's like, it's like logic versus, versus nature, like nature, you know?
Yeah.
So I feel like, and honestly, so to backtrack to a little bit, because I don't think people realize that you, you relinquished her to them. And then you went back to, you're like, no, I'm changing my mind. Uh, brought her home, brought her home. And how long did you have her when you did that?
It was a month just because I felt like.
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Chapter 4: What impact did the filming process have on Ashley's decisions?
So it's like ā and I think people ā and it's interesting. You mentioned something that kind of hit me when you said I had enough time. And do you really think that a month is enough time?
No, like, no, no.
So isn't it weird how we kind of like talk ourselves? It's like, well, I had to have time and that you're almost like, kind of like trying to like, Oh, make it a little, but it's like, no, actually that's not a, that's not a lot of time to make a life altering decision, not only for you, but for the baby too. Like it's a huge thing. Like a month is not that long.
It's not. And like you, and then you're like, well, like as you're saying that, I'm like, well, it technically was, cause I had like had all nine months and then like, I had to process it a lot through the show, but it's like, no, like,
even like being filmed like conflicts like so like it like adds such a different layer so it's like did i really like how much time is enough time so so you you went you brought her back here what and you said you didn't use a um an agency so what what influenced the agency to be involved in the conversation about whether you should or should not give her back i think it was just like i don't want to say it was mtv but i mean she was very kind i think it was just like
well, why don't we bring her back? Her name was Ashley too. Why don't we bring Ashley back to like talk you through options or kind of what you're going through? Cause she had experience in that. One thing I do want to say, and I totally forgot about this until I saw like a clip. I don't know if I had, looked at something in my episode or it popped up online. I don't know.
But the counselors from the hospital are the worst. I don't know if y'all had one.
We had, like, a social worker randomly standing in the... She was, like, randomly standing in the middle of the room, like, while we're crying, like, saying goodbye. Like, it was the most awkward, weird, like, get-the-fuck-out-of-here moment ever for me.
And they, like, they... I think they're supposed to, like, talk to you about your emotions. Like, no offense to that lady, but I think she also probably felt very awkward because the cameras, but she's just, like... And I just sitting there like, I don't know what to do.
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Chapter 5: How does kinship adoption differ from traditional adoption?
I mean that actually sounds a lot like PTSD. I mean from the fact that you had this major anxiety and pressure for a different deadline when you were ā Feeling like you had to make a decision. Yeah, your brain wasn't going to fully develop that. So I feel like ā I mean me and Kate, we didn't even hear the fact that ā Like no one even called our relinquishment trauma until years later.
And so I think that goes back to the fact of trying to find support is not easy for birth parents because we're only 1% of all parents in society.
Is it really?
Wow. 1% of all women ā place their children. So that alone right there is a minority. And we, and we need to find a way to like create a bigger, um, support network for, for, for women like that.
Because I feel like, I don't know how many things that Kate went through after, um, really Gush and Carly and just not, like you said, not realizing that, like, I think this has something to do with it, but I don't know. I'm pretty sure it does. And it's like, we need,
like we need more education around that because i think society just like i said they expect us get over it you signed your rights away it's you made this decision like deal with it and it's like well we're it's not that it's not it's not that cut and dry right yeah yeah yeah i mean it took i mean i was in therapy um after carly like throughout my life like periodically and randomly and stuff and
and it literally took like my second inpatient treatment facility place where my counselor looked at me and she was like your adoption was trauma you relinquishing your child was traumatic and she pointed out because she said anytime you talk about her or your journey uh you know in her birth and stuff you always you'll say something hard but then you'll rebuttal it with but she has an amazing life and she's got all these things and
And I remember her looking at me and her saying, stop. Sometimes it sucks. And I want you to sit with that. Sometimes it's hard and I want to cry. And sometimes I don't like it. She was like, quit always doing the butt. Like just sit in it and feel it because I wouldn't. I would never want to feel those hard emotions. I mean, who does? It's not fun. Right.
But and I remember I called Tyler after and I was like, I can't believe like I'm just having this first awakening. It's like, duh, that's traumatic. Like you're literally handing over your life.
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Chapter 6: What are the ongoing emotional effects of relinquishing a child?
But yeah, like you don't think about how it might affect the kid you're about to have. Like that wasn't even a thought in my mind of how it's going to affect my son.
No, no, I never thought about that. Never. And I mean, I remember having those feelings, too, of like, you know, is she going to feel even more like why me? You know, and I think that's natural for us to feel that way. Yeah.
is there anything like when you look back at just your journey that you would want to change or do differently or wish that you would have had throughout all these years oh man um somebody who could relate but I mean that's that's tough um do differently I think I would have been more vocal throughout like the filming and everything about what I was going through and um
Um, that I wouldn't want to be like, I don't want to say pressured for a deadline. That's, that's on me. Like nobody could force me to do anything, but I feel like I was kind of pressed for time to make a decision. Cause like, Oh, we're going to stop filming. Like I have to make a decision by the end. So I feel like I should have taken more time. I don't know how much more time really.
However much you needed, Ashley.
I don't think there's anything wrong with that. And I think it does. And it does kind of suck for you to have to like.
go back in your brain like that like at the end of the day like you know i i don't i don't like that you felt not even saying that they made you feel pressured or not but i don't like the feeling of you feeling like you have to make a decision before filming is done because at the end of the day if you still weren't sure but you still had her fuck them yeah you know what i mean like you know what i mean like seriously like and i
I don't think like, like I love like my group that I had. It was, they were amazing. But like, I mean, that's a whole other topic for another day. But yeah, I am. No, I agree. Like, I think that's just me as like a person. I think I just was like, I don't want to say people pleasing, but like, okay, I need to do this.
Um, because like, you know, I've been here, I've been here, I got her back and I'm back. Like, obviously things are not going well. So, you know, it just seems like the most logical decision. Um, but yeah.
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