Vanessa Marin

And I do think that in general, that's one of the best ways to go about it.

Like I was saying, a lot of men are doing it in these kind of jokey ways or these roundabout ways.

Sometimes it's even just like they give you a hug and you're like, okay, I know what you're doing.

I know what this means.

This hug is lasting a little longer.

Or the back massage.

Oh, babe, I'll give you a back massage.

And you're like...

There's going to be 10 seconds of a back massage and then your hands are going to start moving somewhere else.

I think that if we're more verbal about it, you know, in those moments when you're not using your words, like everybody knows what's going on.

We're not fooling each other.

And then you're doing this whole like nobody's saying anything, but we're communicating back and forth to each other anyway.

So like, let's just say it.

Hey, do you want to be intimate with me?

Hey, I would like to feel close to you right now.

And one of my favorite techniques that Xander and I have actually been experimenting with a lot recently is we're separating the initiation from the actual sex.

So for a lot of women, and this is even true for me, I've experienced this a lot, when Xander initiates with me, it can often feel like a pop quiz in the moment.

It's like, oh, wait, wait, wait, you want to have sex right now?

I wasn't even thinking about sex right now.

So I feel caught off guard.