Vanessa Marin

I want my partner to just be completely unattracted to me.

It's usually there's something else going on.

We're experiencing some depression.

There's some stress.

Maybe a family member is ill.

Something's not going right at work.

There's something deeper that's going on.

So we want to address that rather than the pure physical appearances at first.

So what I would say, like if Xander was not taking care of himself, for example,

I would say to him like, hey, babe, I want to talk to you about something sensitive.

I've just been noticing lately that you're not treating yourself with the same love and respect that I normally see you treating yourself with.

And I just want to check in on you and see how you're doing because I know you deserve to treat yourself with that kindness.

So if I phrase it more about like love and respect for yourself rather than you've gained weight, you're not brushing your teeth, you're looking like a slob, like that just feels a lot gentler.

Yeah.

Okay, so the third conversation that we get into is desire.

What do we each need to feel excited about sex, to feel open to it?

So it connects, we put these conversations in this specific order.

Obviously, we talked already about the connection between emotional intimacy and physical intimacy.

Physical intimacy also connects to the, I'll give you a little preview, the fourth one that is coming is desire.

But yeah, so this one is all about what do we need to feel excited about being intimate.