Vanessa Marin

So first off, we have spontaneous.

That's when you feel mental desire first, and then the physical arousal follows.

So any sex scene that you've seen on TV and movies, that's always spontaneous desire.

There's that kind of like out of nowhere, like, hmm, sex sounds good.

Where's my partner?

Let me go in for the boob honk.

And so research shows that about 85% of men have spontaneous desire and only about 15 to 20% of women do.

Most of us don't even know that responsive desire exists, but research shows that about 85% of women have responsive desire.

And so most of us women are thinking, you know, why do I never seem to want sex spontaneously?

The idea of sex never seems to pop into my head.

We feel like something's wrong with us.

Nothing is wrong with you.

It's just that you have the other type of desire.

So responsive desire is the exact opposite of spontaneous.

We need to feel it in our bodies first before the mental interest kicks in.

So a classic thing that happens to somebody who has responsive desires, they'll be in the middle of sex or even at the end of sex, and they'll catch themselves thinking, this is fun.

Why do I never seem to want this?

So again, it's not that anything's wrong with you.

It's just you have to understand how your desire type works.

And one of the big problems with initiation is a lot of us are initiating in spontaneous ways.