Vanessa Marin

Will you connect with me right now?

And that's something that I tell women all the time.

Imagine in that moment that that's actually what he's saying to you.

You wouldn't respond with, leave me alone.

Get out of here.

If you actually recognize that that's what he's saying, I want to feel close to you right now.

So first of all, I think everyone needs to initiate.

I think it's really important for both partners in the relationship.

And it's not about sex drive.

I don't care who has the higher drive or the lower drive.

I think both partners need to be willing to be that vulnerable and initiate with each other.

It's not fair for it just to be put solely on one person's shoulders.

So that's a big part of it.

But one of the things that we go over in sex talks is a model that Xander and I came up with called the initiation styles.

Have you heard of the love languages model?

It's kind of that idea that we all like to give and receive love in different ways.

It's very similar to that.

We all like to be initiated with in different ways.

So if you don't know your partner's style, you're likely initiating in a way that doesn't really work for them, and you're more likely to get that leave me alone kind of reaction.

So it's understanding, you know, finding out what style your partner is and what's going to work for them.