Vanessa Van Edwards

Right? So be like, oh my gosh, I have those shoes. I love them too. Right? Are we twinsies? I mean, I guess men don't usually say twinsies, but like… I'm going to try it now that you said it. Try it. Please try it. Twinsies. Just like see how your male friends respond. They're going to be like, yes.

Right? So be like, oh my gosh, I have those shoes. I love them too. Right? Are we twinsies? I mean, I guess men don't usually say twinsies, but like… I'm going to try it now that you said it. Try it. Please try it. Twinsies. Just like see how your male friends respond. They're going to be like, yes.

So I think that if you're going to compliment, compliment on a shared similarity, then you can kind of celebrate together. If you're complimenting someone one way, you're actually putting them farther away from you, not closer to you.

So I think that if you're going to compliment, compliment on a shared similarity, then you can kind of celebrate together. If you're complimenting someone one way, you're actually putting them farther away from you, not closer to you.

No, actually worse. Worse. If you were to say, oh, Vanessa, I like the color of your dress. And I do, by the way. Oh, thank you. I'd be like, I like your color too. Yeah, it's black. That's what happens is like you compliment someone on something and they're uncomfortable. So what I do is I'm like, I'm going to comment you back. And I feel so inauthentic. Right.

No, actually worse. Worse. If you were to say, oh, Vanessa, I like the color of your dress. And I do, by the way. Oh, thank you. I'd be like, I like your color too. Yeah, it's black. That's what happens is like you compliment someone on something and they're uncomfortable. So what I do is I'm like, I'm going to comment you back. And I feel so inauthentic. Right.

Because then I'm like, I don't know what to say. And by the way, if you're going to compliment someone, don't compliment the tall guy on being tall. Like don't compliment someone on the trait that they didn't even work on.

Because then I'm like, I don't know what to say. And by the way, if you're going to compliment someone, don't compliment the tall guy on being tall. Like don't compliment someone on the trait that they didn't even work on.

Like compliment them on something they worked hard on.

Like compliment them on something they worked hard on.

Also, what do you do? Then you're like, I like your eyes too. Do you know what I mean?

Also, what do you do? Then you're like, I like your eyes too. Do you know what I mean?

Thanks. And then you're stuck.

Thanks. And then you're stuck.

Okay, so let's play this out. Let's go even deeper. Let's do it. So let's say that someone's doing that to you. Okay, so there's two sides of a conversation. All of my students are high achievers, very smart, a little awkward sometimes. Those are my people. So what happens is they work on their people skills. They're like, yeah, Vanessa, like I got it. I got the context.

Okay, so let's play this out. Let's go even deeper. Let's do it. So let's say that someone's doing that to you. Okay, so there's two sides of a conversation. All of my students are high achievers, very smart, a little awkward sometimes. Those are my people. So what happens is they work on their people skills. They're like, yeah, Vanessa, like I got it. I got the context.

Excuse me, I got my conversation started. I'm available, whether that's in work or at play. And then they're with someone who's doing that to them, right? You're with someone who's like, so where are you from? You have a lot of siblings? Okay, so here's how you break that social script. One is I want you to think of what are the three questions that you're asked most?

Excuse me, I got my conversation started. I'm available, whether that's in work or at play. And then they're with someone who's doing that to them, right? You're with someone who's like, so where are you from? You have a lot of siblings? Okay, so here's how you break that social script. One is I want you to think of what are the three questions that you're asked most?

So I have the same questions I'm asked over and over again in social settings. And it's usually, what do you do? Where are you from? How did you get into that line of work? That's a big one, I get. Okay, so the biggest mistake you can make is you are bored by those answers and you show it. Oh, I'm from LA. Okay. It's like, right? It's like, yes, yes, I'm from LA, but it ends the conversation.

So I have the same questions I'm asked over and over again in social settings. And it's usually, what do you do? Where are you from? How did you get into that line of work? That's a big one, I get. Okay, so the biggest mistake you can make is you are bored by those answers and you show it. Oh, I'm from LA. Okay. It's like, right? It's like, yes, yes, I'm from LA, but it ends the conversation.