Vanessa Van Edwards

I kind of have like a story toolbox. I like keep all my favorite stories in a little note on my phone because I just like telling them, you know? And so like start collecting or cataloging stories because those are gifts for people. You tell a good story, someone's like, ah, they like love it. And then lastly is juice excitement.

I kind of have like a story toolbox. I like keep all my favorite stories in a little note on my phone because I just like telling them, you know? And so like start collecting or cataloging stories because those are gifts for people. You tell a good story, someone's like, ah, they like love it. And then lastly is juice excitement.

So when we talk about conversation starters, I have a couple of favorites. So if you're going to stop asking, what do you do? Where are you from? I love context cues. The other thing you can do with people you already know, especially at work, is ask, working on anything exciting these days?

So when we talk about conversation starters, I have a couple of favorites. So if you're going to stop asking, what do you do? Where are you from? I love context cues. The other thing you can do with people you already know, especially at work, is ask, working on anything exciting these days?

So like I had this problem where I would see people who I kind of knew, like friends of friends or like family members I don't see all the time. And I'd be like... how's life? Like, what do you do? So now I always ask, working on anything exciting these days, that is a dopamine gift for their brain. Because in their brain, then they have to go, oh, you broke their script.

So like I had this problem where I would see people who I kind of knew, like friends of friends or like family members I don't see all the time. And I'd be like... how's life? Like, what do you do? So now I always ask, working on anything exciting these days, that is a dopamine gift for their brain. Because in their brain, then they have to go, oh, you broke their script.

Exciting, exciting, exciting. They're literally searching their brain for something exciting. When they find it, they go, oh yeah, you know, actually, and they tell you. So you're actually like juicing dopamine. You're borrowing it for another area of their life. And by the way, if they say no, What a great opportunity for vulnerability. Like I've asked it maybe one out of every 10 times.

Exciting, exciting, exciting. They're literally searching their brain for something exciting. When they find it, they go, oh yeah, you know, actually, and they tell you. So you're actually like juicing dopamine. You're borrowing it for another area of their life. And by the way, if they say no, What a great opportunity for vulnerability. Like I've asked it maybe one out of every 10 times.

I'll say, working on anything exciting or have anything exciting coming up? And they'll be like, And I'll be like, wow, what's going on? Tell me what's actually happening in your life. And we have skipped, how are you? Busy, good. If you ask someone, how are you? They're gonna be like, busy, good, good, busy. How about you? Yeah, a hundred percent. And so I'd rather like get past that.

I'll say, working on anything exciting or have anything exciting coming up? And they'll be like, And I'll be like, wow, what's going on? Tell me what's actually happening in your life. And we have skipped, how are you? Busy, good. If you ask someone, how are you? They're gonna be like, busy, good, good, busy. How about you? Yeah, a hundred percent. And so I'd rather like get past that.

And so asking that question is an unlock. So keep that one in your back pocket. It's my favorite.

And so asking that question is an unlock. So keep that one in your back pocket. It's my favorite.

So I just want to acknowledge it takes courage to break scripts.

So I just want to acknowledge it takes courage to break scripts.

I know scripts are comfortable. Like I know that the reason why we're like, how are you? Good. Is because it's safe. And so I want you to just acknowledge yourself. If you're thinking about asking these questions, like it does take some social courage, but it's worth it. And so, yeah, we got to harness like, okay, it might be uncomfortable.

I know scripts are comfortable. Like I know that the reason why we're like, how are you? Good. Is because it's safe. And so I want you to just acknowledge yourself. If you're thinking about asking these questions, like it does take some social courage, but it's worth it. And so, yeah, we got to harness like, okay, it might be uncomfortable.

you might, someone might not have a good answer to that or a good answer. I didn't say good answer. They might not have an exciting answer or they might be more vulnerable, but any answer is an opportunity for connection. Whatever they say, at least it's not a social script and your other options. So you can accept it with vulnerability. Oh my gosh, tell me, tell me what's, is it been hard?

you might, someone might not have a good answer to that or a good answer. I didn't say good answer. They might not have an exciting answer or they might be more vulnerable, but any answer is an opportunity for connection. Whatever they say, at least it's not a social script and your other options. So you can accept it with vulnerability. Oh my gosh, tell me, tell me what's, is it been hard?

What's going on? Or you can have your own answer. So I've asked someone that question. They're like, Oh, and they kind of are thinking about it. And I go, well, while you're thinking about it, here's what's exciting with me. And then I take the ball.

What's going on? Or you can have your own answer. So I've asked someone that question. They're like, Oh, and they kind of are thinking about it. And I go, well, while you're thinking about it, here's what's exciting with me. And then I take the ball.