Vogue

Anywho, help a girl out.

I say girl, I mean a nearly 40 something, two kids and married.

Girl.

That's a girl.

Let me tell you, I adore my husband.

Not very great at showing it.

We were married more than 10 years ago.

I've experienced some atrocious highs and lows, all of which he and his extended family have been beyond amazing.

But behind closed doors the past few years, he's been gaming.

Not just computer gaming.

I'm talking one earbud in, watching his fat single friend streaming kind of gaming 24-7.

And my husband that ignores me and the kids most of the time is complaining about the lack of intimacy.

Got it.

As soon as you whipped out that gaming chair, the Sahara whipped up.

There was a sandstorm in between her legs.

Do you know Alexander?

Now he grew out of it, my brother, but like he used to lock himself in a room and he would have this long extension lead leaving his room and he would like lock in and he'd be on one of those like headphone things and he'd be talking to randomers on the internet playing the Call of Duty stuff and we'd be like, you loser.

I think we once unplugged it as a joke and oh my God, I swear we killed his firstborn child.

We could change our mind on absolutely everything else.

Just not gaming chairs.