Wendy K. Laidlaw

By being able to hold this mirror to myself, I was able to hear the parts of me that had been upset and disappointed by this person's behaviour.

I use the analogy of me in my aware state of being like the driver of a bus, but in the seats behind me are all these various energies and parts that are different ages and stages of me that may have different needs.

For example, like a perfectionist, a pusher, a driver, a people pleaser, all these different parts, the writer, the mother, the businesswoman, the inner child, playful part, and there can be many, many other parts.

But if I do not pay attention,

then I'm not holding the mirror up to myself.

But by paying attention, just noticing and keeping aware of all my parts and needs through the power of the pen on paper, then I'm able to pay attention to how I'm showing up in the world and how I'm being treated in the world.

When I'm holding the mirror to myself in a non-judgmental and compassionate way, I may add, because I know a lot of end bosses are very self-critical and very hard on themselves.

I then remain present and connected, meaning that when another person tries to project or scam me or put a false narrative on me or an energy or a way of being upon me that is not kind or compassionate or fair or whatever, I notice it now.

Now, of course, it's been a struggle and a challenge to learn these lessons of listening inward and allowing myself the time and space every day to accept who I am, imperfections and all.

But equally, I do not accept another's bad behaviour without respectfully holding the mirror back to them these days.

And that, again, is glorious.

Now, one of these approaches I've learned is keeping when interacting with these people and holding the mirror is using the word I instead of you.

So if I have an issue or a misunderstanding that I may seek clarity on and say something that I feel that's appropriate, then I may say something along the lines of I thought I heard you say instead of you said, and perhaps you can feel the difference in energy.

It's my way of ensuring that I'm respectfully trying to get clarity

of any misunderstanding in this first approach.

But in the you said way, it sounds like I'm being more combative or aggressive.

So over the years, I've learned to check in with myself first.

What is it I'm thinking and feeling?

And then if there's something that's unsettling or not sitting right with me, then approaching the other person and saying there's something that's cropped up for me.

I thought I heard you say X, Y, Z rather than saying you said and sound combative.