Will Self

I couldn't believe when they turned out to have, you know, feet of clay.

I couldn't believe, which was remarkably quick, usually.

I was desperate to be in love.

Were you writing love poetry?

Oh, God, yes, all of that.

Yes, and, yeah, absolutely.

I mean, I would see a girl and just be paralysed with longing.

No, none of that.

It didn't happen for me.

And I think in a way it didn't happen because, you know, my late friend Willie Donaldson, the great Willie Donaldson said once, promiscuity is the motorway to loneliness.

And the trouble was I was already on the slip road.

And all of my romantic inclinations were blown away by the fact that there were lots of girls climbing into bed with me.

And that was, frankly, you need not to be quite as sexually loose as I was if you want to preserve your romantic ethos intact at that age, for obvious reasons.

So it was not like that.

And drugs had also come on the scene, and I loved drugs.

Wow.

I absolutely loved them.

I was a natural.

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

Every new drug I took, I thought, well, this is great.