Will Self

No, no, no, no, no.

My only concern was when we took off in the plane, I realized that there were a lot of security detail.

And I thought, actually, well, Class A drugs is not a good thing to be carrying this close to the Prime Minister.

So I went back to the toilet on the plane, very responsibly, and disposed of all of the Class A drugs I had on me into my body.

And then went back to my seat.

There was no evidence that I'd had drugs on me or that I'd taken them.

This guy then went to Brian Mawinney, because I didn't do anything untoward.

I would admit to this, when we got back to Birmingham Airport, I thought, time for a spliff.

on the tarmac oh oh my god oh the wind's blowing that way i'll just go downwind of the security detail i'm afraid i've i've always been a high risk merchant but still i didn't think i was busted until i got back from ireland the following week i'd been to stay with my brother who lived in ireland

And as I drove down Latimer Road, guys came, the paps came from behind the parked cars, cameras, everything.

And all that had happened was this guy had gone to Brian Mawinney and said, I suspect he may have been using... He was the chairman of the Conservative Party at the time.

Mawinney had gone public with it.

My editor, Alan Rusbridger at The Guardian, then said, did you do it?

And I denied it, of course, because there was no evidence.

Then he came back to me again and said, this has become a political matter because you were representing the Guardian and the Observer.

The Tories want to make something out of this.

So I want you to sign a legal affidavit now.

Well, I wasn't going to purge them myself.

Unconditional place.

Well done.