Zerky

I'm in complete, utter disaster right now.

My girlfriend left me and I wanted to get into this school but I didn't and my job is talking about layoffs and there's a good chance I'm gonna have to move back with my parents because I have zero money.

And that's very, very true.

What's harder to do is realize all these things.

You see how London Bridge is falling down and you sit there and you say, okay, I'm going to watch this kind of fall down, but I'm going to see where I need to start building back up.

I weighed myself today on the scale for the first time in a long time.

I'm 240 pounds.

And in the past, what my first thought would have been is, wow, you are a fat pig.

I can't believe you got this far.

You are a loser.

You need to start running yesterday.

And what would happen in the past is I would go on a run.

Eight miles.

Oh, I'm back.

We're so back.

I would run the next day four miles because it's kind of like, you know, eight miles the day before is a lot and my legs are cooked and then I'd stop running and I'd feel bad for the fact that I stopped running and I wouldn't change anything about my diet because that's really 90% of the problem.

And so I would binge to get back at my guilt.

This time I looked at that 240 and I was like, this is the heaviest I've ever been in my entire life.

Good, good.

Now I have a chunk of marble to carve.