Zerky

You don't know what to do.

It's difficult.

I think I also hold a lot of weight in when I promise people things and I don't deliver on my promise.

I feel like such a waste of space and I feel like such a pathetic excuse as a human being.

I that's what I braid myself the most because I hate that I hate people I hate people who don't hold their promises and they just kind of blab and blab about what they do and I have been doing that a lot in my life recently just been like I'm gonna work with this person oh I'm gonna do this video I'm gonna make this happen and it's like none of it is is

None of it is focused.

None of it is real.

I had a really good conversation with my girlfriend in which she told me, you know, I disagree with you on your opinion that people can't change.

And I was like, how so?

Because I'm an avid believer that people don't change unless they really want to.

And the percentage of people that really want to change is like maybe 0.5%.

And she said, you know, I feel as if you hold people to a very high standard of, you know, a deadline of showing that kind of change.

And it kind of really made me reflect on my own self.

it made me really question, you know, I'm, I'm very hard on, on people who talk about wanting to make changes and do things.

And I think that that's something, you know, that I've, I've struggled with myself, but I think it does come down to the root of, I don't believe that I will change or that any kind of effort to change is really redeemable of any kind.

I hold it against myself a lot and I,

It really does make me feel like I'm not doing enough or showing enough of myself.

And it just, it does feel like sometimes everything kind of crumbles down.

And I don't know.

I want to be a little bit more forgiving of my changes.