Zerky

But at the end of the day, I just feel like if, if I don't do anything or if I don't do an, like if it does not immediately impact me or if it's something that I cannot demonstrate to myself that I'm able to do over and over again, it's like, what is the point of even saying that I'm going to do, you know, this is going to happen or that I'm going to change.

It's just, it's not going to happen.

but I also recognize like anytime that I've actually made actionable change in my life, I've, I've had days where I, I, you know, wasn't, wasn't doing the best.

I had days where it really, it really, you know, challenged me and I had to, I had to really focus and I had to realize, you know, this is not, this isn't easy.

And I think I've been working against myself in so many different facets, you know,

I have been telling myself that I need to have my things figured out in my life instead of just kind of going and failing through it.

I think I've also been just chaining myself to

really terrible thought patterns and feeling like, you know, if I'm having problems in my relationship or in my friendships, that it means, you know, I'm not doing good or, you know, there's nobody that will understand my issues.

And it's, it's, I think like a sign that I probably need to talk to somebody as well, you know, talk to, talk to a specialist, but it is just like, it feels like I'm kind of walking through

I'm walking this life with a tail between my legs a little bit.

Like, you know, like a little anxious dog.

And I just wish that I was a little, you know... I wish that I could be... I wish that I could be better.

You know, not just for...

For everyone else.

For my parents.

For my friends.

But just for myself.

But I also recognize like it's not something that happens.

It's not just like, you know, a decision that you make one day and then it happens immediately.

It's every day.