Zoe Lyons

I was hoping it might.

Yes, yes.

It says, a cursory look at this book would suggest that anus constriction is the main point of the book, but it isn't.

We were hoping for a lot more anus constriction and we were disappointed.

LAUGHTER One star.

Yeah, one solitary brown star for that one.

Oh, Sally!

Somebody else, another one-star review here, said, my husband bought it for my 34th birthday.

I do not recommend anyone buying this as an actual gift.

Sad tale there.

But, yes, it gets the full array of ratings, and somebody who's obviously very impressed with it said, this book has helped me through some tough times.

Not only has my mental health improved, but I can now open bottles without using my hands.

LAUGHTER

There's a five-star review there.

If I'm trying to get my steps up, I just attach my Fitbit to my dog and let him out in the garden.

It does rack them up, it really does.

And some bay leaves while I'm at it.

Properly seasoned, you need salt and pepper spray.

I can't think of a cheese that's ever broken my neck.

Unless I've driven past a shop and gone, ooh, brie!