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Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Welcome to Corolla Classics. This is the podcast where we play the best moments, highlights, and fans like the clips from all 17 years of The Adam Corolla Show. If you'd like to get access to the full archives of The Adam Corolla Show, The Adam and Dr. Drew Show, as well as the podcast Beat It Out, make sure to check out Adam Corolla's sub stack, adamcorolla.substack.com.
Sign up and listen ad-free. And if you'd like to request a clip, please email us, classicsatadamcorolla.com. Note, we cannot play any Loveline content, nor any content from the KLSX Adam Carolla Show from 2006 to 2009. I currently do remaster both of those shows. For more information, please check out my Patreon, patreon.com slash Giovanni. Alright, let's get to the clips.
Coming first is Adam Carolla Show 1405, featuring Ben Gleib, Alison Rosen, and Brian Bishop from 2014.
At first, I didn't think it was real. I woke up to this blinding light, and I was transported to another place. Pluto TV! Then, I heard a voice.
Come with me if you want to live.
There were thousands of movies and shows, and they were all free! The truth is our secret. It's just so beautiful!
Oh!
On Pluto TV, free streaming of Terminator 2, Fringe, Arrow, The 100, and The X-Files. May cause excitement, loss of sleep, and sudden belief in extraterrestrials. No credit cards or alien encounters necessary. Pluto TV, stream now, pay never.
Yeah, get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on. Mandate. Get it on. Dawson, find Nights in White Satin. We'll listen to the end of that because I just don't think you could ever do that in a song ever again. Good day, Allison Rosen.
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Chapter 2: What are the main highlights from the Adam Carolla Show?
So that was super comfortable to have those two reunite in the kitchen once again. It is nice to see people have their house after sometimes a year. It's interesting. And here's a little piece of something close to advice for everyone who's listening. Your brain will start... trying to get you back to even in every facet of your life. So that's how we say.
So how's the guy get to 100 Oxycontin a day? He starts with one, then he goes to two. And before you know it, the guy's at 100 a day, and he's a thoracic surgeon. And he works every day on 100. And you think to yourself, my God, if I took three of them, I couldn't get out of my front door. But you're constantly trying to get back, like we've spoken about, to just that balance point.
And you do that thing where you go, oh, if I lost my eyesight, I'd kill myself. And you lose your eyesight and you just kind of move on. Or a limb. Or a loved one. Or whatever it is. There's that pain. And then somehow your body just gets it back to even. Yeah.
When your house gets really fucked up or your life really gets fucked up and there's that point where you've been living in this place and the carpet's been pulled up and instead of a kitchen, you're cooking on a folding table with a George Foreman grill and the microwave is in the garage. After about three weeks of that... It just is normal. It's just is.
It's like going, oh, my God, how could you go to prison? You just go to prison and then that's just your life. And somewhere around the 30 second trip, you say to your wife, I'm going to go to the garage and get the chicken pot pie on the microwave. You're there. And then you blink your eyes, and those first three weeks turn into three years, and that then becomes a life.
And the next thing you know, you're featured on Hoarders. Featured. Well.
You're starring.
One of the greatest. I mean, some of the greatest Corolla conversations I've had with my mom about the friends that she hangs on to that I try to jettison when I left the old, you know, I was Jenny from the block, but I fucking hightailed it to the hills.
Don't be fooled by the rocks that he's got.
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Chapter 3: What insights do they share about personal experiences and relationships?
Every once in a while, shooting up, letting you know it's still alive, spraying a rooster tail of water up onto something, but then back down again. It's just a constant.
Everyone should be like an IUD.
Yes, just constantly working, constantly in motion, just constantly, not killing yourself, just the constant movement. So you go to these people's houses, and the places are completely torn apart, and today was reveal day, which is family over the moon about all the cabinetry and the bathroom and the tile and the hardwood floor and blah, blah, blah, and they're...
You know, it's really nice to see people, especially with young children, really appreciate having their lives put back together. And also, it's not the kind of thing where it's like, well, somebody went and tore apart one of the cabanas out by the tennis court. And, you know, now our peacocks have nowhere to hang. It's not that. It's, you know, 1,200 square feet and the whole place is a mess.
So... We did that. Now, what I'm getting to is, between that and this, I'm not going to watch a stitch of NFL football in real time. I'm going to go home, and I'm going to fucking turn on SportsCenter, and they're going to do the... Chris Berman's going to go, now it's time for the highlights! And they're going to do that thing where Atlanta scores first, but...
I don't know who Atlanta's playing. New Orleans. New Orleans is coming back, except for on the crawl. On the ticker. Underneath it, it's going to explain that Atlanta beat New Orleans, and then they're going to do that thing where they're going, now they try to set up a field goal, and with 31 seconds, but I will have already seen the ticker. Why the ticker? Okay, here's my question.
One or the fucking other would be a very good Sesame Street segment or maybe the electric company. One or the fucking other, which is either just blow through the highlights with the ticker or do it the way you do it, which is the highlights. They're trying to build some suspense. They're going, Atlanta seemed like they had a comfortable lead going into the fourth quarter. But, oh, no.
Here comes New Orleans charging back. But with minutes left, is there enough? But you're sick. Why are you building? Why are you making it theatrical when we've seen the fucking ending? And they build those highlights in a very theatrical way.
They're well done. If you don't see the ticker, it's like it's dramatic. One team goes up. One team comes back. What is the fucking injury? What's the ticker for? I can't answer that. I will say this, Silver Lining, no drama with your Rams score.
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Chapter 4: What humorous observations are made about celebrity appearances?
Oh, look at that. I was canceling my sixth birthday.
Those are perfect breasts right there.
There's Bernadette Peters circa 1981 on the cover of Playboy. Do they have fake breasts back then? There's no way, right? Yeah, you could see them from space, though. I mean, she's got a quietly... Now, you're going to go with me on my Scarlett Johansson now? She's a little more pixie-ish, but she's got some curves. Quietly a rocking body. Beautiful voice.
I don't know about the blonde afro there. Well, it's 1981. I mean, come on. Everyone's trying. All the hairdressers were high on coke. But then does that match downstairs? It's probably exactly matched. There's a huge bouffant of afro going on downstairs. It's probably not ideal. And...
Chapter 5: How do personal anecdotes about parenting and relationships unfold?
I think she's held up quite nicely. But again, a dedicated blowjob from Bernadette Peters or... Dedicated. Dedicated, or you have Sandra Bernhardt. No, I mean, it's hands down. Eating with chopsticks, smoking a Tipperillo. Typing with her tongue on the side. Typing with her tongue.
Like a Stephen Hawking machine kind of situation.
That's right. Trying to... Eating bugles that are filled with cream cheese.
Mm-hmm.
That's not what you want, because it's confusing to have a cream cheese involved during a blowjob. Probably blowing another... Maybe Ben is being blown at the same time. She's like, your cock is a waste of my mouth.
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Chapter 6: What insights are shared about the impact of helicopter parenting?
Definitely. I basically got a five-cock garage for a mouth. But I feel like the scales tip a little bit into a confusing place if Bernadette Peters had that big, fro-y hair. I don't like a big, fro hair on a woman. One time I was hooking up with a young lady, and maybe perhaps there was an output from my body... That got into her hair. And, I mean, it's gone. It's just everywhere.
You pooped in her hair?
Yeah, I pooped into her hair.
Jesus Christ.
That's what I was trying to get around. I was trying to softly talk around that. I haven't seen Bernadette in a while. But, again, you know. We all have those pictures in the stonewashed denim with the mullet and that kind of stuff. That's a sign of the times. Don't blame Bernadette.
But I think that is her hair. Men like you are why women like me straighten our hair. There's a whole thing of men not liking women with curly hair.
You can come in your hair as it is. How do you feel about Adam's hair? I wouldn't want to come in it. Thank you.
You're welcome. 100% fact. I mean, it would just get lost in there. It gets soaked into a spongy mess. And you like to be able to see where it goes?
I like to be able to see it and take a wet napkin and just get it out.
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Chapter 7: What are the thoughts on sports fan culture and team loyalty?
We have those stupid Laker fans. Flags flowing everywhere. Look, I like the fact, look, I'm glad, you know, I don't like it when the expansion teams go at it. You know, I don't want some team from Canada to be playing the Hornets or something like that. That always feels weird to me.
Yeah, it's nice that these are two big city teams with a historic rivalry.
That part is great. But these are guys that are... First off, people from Boston aren't all from Boston. The guys who play for Boston aren't from your area. And the guys who play for the Lakers are... Stop saying we. Stop pretending like they're us.
They're a bunch of super high-paid guys who come from colleges all over the fucking country and have agreed to go to either the New England area or the L.A. area because they paid the most. Let's be honest and call it what it is. And whether they win or lose, they're never going to party with you.
Yeah, and by the way, they'll happily leave your city and go elsewhere.
For another $185 a season.
Goodbye.
All right, let's do one more. Let's talk to, uh, we'll go to line four. Talk to, uh, the weed dude from New York. Hi, Adam. How are you doing? What's happening, the weed dude? Hey, thanks for taking my call, and I'm also an avid stink peer here, just based upon your recommendations. Where are you? Oh, Sync Pier. Thank you. Yeah. Yes, yes, Sync Pier.
I know the segment's more based upon, like, you complaining, but I was hoping to create some awareness and do the opposite and just get your thoughts on BP and being an avid solution fixer man.
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Chapter 8: How does Jay Moore reflect on his past behavior and personal growth?
Well, that's the problem with Rosie. She may be too big a plug.
Oh.
You know what I mean? Yeah. I'm going to cut off all the oil completely.
Right.
I'm going to tap that well one more time.
Look, it's a... Big, fat, lesbian, loud Rosie.
I'm all for James Cameron and Kevin Costner's brother getting on this one. And by the way, as long as we're getting brothers, let's get Swayze's brother in there.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I mean, anything possible.
I'm actually down here in the body right now. I tweet the event every single day. I just met with the governor yesterday and the parish president. So I'm just calling to create awareness and trying to get stuff out there and hoping that you can complain about BP just to kind of get it out there.
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