Chapter 1: What is the purpose of Corolla Classics?
Welcome to Corolla Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast where we play the best moments, highlights, and fan-selected clips from all 17 years of The Adam Corolla Show. We have a companion podcast titled Corolla Classics, and you can find the ad-free archives exclusively available through PodcastOne.plus.
If you'd like to find the ad-free archives of The Adam Corolla Show, as well as The Adam and Dr. Drew Show, and the podcast Beat It Out, make sure to check out Adam Corolla's Substack, adamcorolla.substack.com. And if you'd like to request a clip, please email us, classics at adamcorolla.com. All right, let's get to the clips. Coming up first, we have Adam Carolla Show 1046.
This one's from 2013, featuring guest Michael Dubin, along with Alison Rosen and Brian Bishop. Hope you guys enjoy.
Welcome to the program. Good day, Alison Rosen.
Hello, Adam Carolla.
Good day, Bald Brian. Hey, hey, hey. Don't you guys think... A couple experiences today. Don't you think you can kind of tell a lot about an individual by just how they park their car? How they choose to park their car. Like, first off...
Do you need more than to just sort of study parking patterns to know if you would be compatible with this person, if this is a good person or this is a selfish person?
It speaks volumes. Unlike the condition or dirtiness of the car, which has nothing to do with the quality of the person who drives it.
That is right, Birdshipmobile.
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Chapter 2: How can parking habits reveal personality traits?
So I'm everything in life. Bugs the shit out of me. And also, I can't figure it out. Like, I'm doing an interview with a radio station today, and Stacy, the tutor, pulls up to tutor the kids. And I'm just hovering around my office.
Sorry, but no, they're not in first grade yet. They're being tutored. Carry on.
I don't know.
They're falling behind and they're paste eating.
I don't know.
It might be that all the parents have tutors for their kids. So therefore, your kid will fall behind without Stacy. Something like that.
Anyway, whatever. She's coming over to do some tutoring. And I'm on the phone and I hear from Olga. that she's taken Natalia out and they're going ice skating or whatever it is. So I'm just up in the office and I'm watching Stacy and Stacy's pulling up.
And even though there's more than a cars with parking space next to Olga's car, she chooses to stop and just park right behind Olga's car and get out of her car and come in the house. Now, Olga is not going to be able to get out with the other kid.
I don't know why you would ever stop behind somebody in a driveway because you don't know when and if and how and where that person is always pull next to them because that always then gives them the option of backing out, not having the, hey, you're blocking me in thing. And there's ample room. It's a good person. Just chooses to. And I'm like talking to a radio station.
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Chapter 3: What are the implications of parking behaviors on social interactions?
B, it's a beehive of activity with no parking spaces. And then, C, you can physically see people put their blinkers on and pull up to your space as you get into your car. And sometimes they even follow you.
Well, see, I had the experience, and I'm the bad person. Sometimes it's hard to find parking at Irvine Improv where we do shows. So it took me a while to get a spot and then I pulled into the spot and then I finished putting on makeup because my car is my green room at that point. But then there were a lot of people, I assume, I don't know, a child knocked at my window.
And that's how unaware I was that all of a sudden I jumped at a six-year-old and they wanted to know if I was leaving.
Doing your bidding. I like that. I'll get my kids to do that. Here's the other guy, and this guy I can't figure out. This guy's my dad and maybe everyone's dad, but there are a lot of these people out there. It's been discussed before, but I don't feel like society gives it enough attention.
Yeah, hello?
When I tell my dad, follow me to the restaurant. And then I get in my car and I start driving at a normal speed. And at some point I look in my rear view and he is 17 clicks behind me. And four other cars have slid in between my rear bumper and his front bumper. And I think to myself, first thing... Old man, I said follow me, not be a caboose in this retard train.
And secondly, you don't know where this restaurant is, right? So you must thus follow me. Now, I'm not talking about bump drafting like it's NASCAR, but I mean... Feel free to kind of stay up on me. Make an effort, right. And then there's that thing where you inevitably make a signal that they don't make because you're 1,400 yards in front of them.
And then you have to, like, pull over in front of a 7-Eleven driveway. And there's that weird move where you're, like, waving people around. Like, I'm not parking here. I'm trying to pull over. I don't want to pull up and turn off into a side street. I can't see the guy anymore. Now you're waiting. And you're like... What part of follow me did we not?
Now, there is the overzealous cousin to this person who you will casually change lanes in a freeway that has no off-ramp overpasses or exchanges to be seen by the naked eye, and he will cut off a cattle truck swerving. Just to stay with your every beat like he's a cornerback and you're running around on him.
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Chapter 4: What are the implications of having Secret Service protection?
I mean, that's not like how much do you squat.
She's not strapping on the bulletproof vest. She's drawing up the orders for the Secret Service agents, right?
Yeah, I would imagine.
Would you enjoy having Secret Service or do you think it would be a pain in the ass? Because every movie about the first daughter suggests a lot of hijinks happen.
Chapter 5: What tragic incident involving dogs is discussed?
I think it would be fun to try to ditch the Secret Service. That would be fun. It's like having a parent that you can always rebel against.
If they didn't cough during my backswing, I think he's cool. Other than that, yeah. That guy would have to get off the detail.
A toddler in Georgia was mauled to death by the family's seven pitbulls.
Really?
And everyone was home at the time. The grandmother was watching the daughter, and it's awful. She heard a commotion and looked out the window and yelled.
Hold on, that's not the Florida I know.
I know, it's Georgia.
Oh, Georgia. Yeah. Oh, well.
Now it makes sense.
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Chapter 6: How do personal experiences with dogs shape perceptions of safety?
Really? Euthanized at the house. But there were two dogs that weren't involved in it, and they were spared. And again, it makes me feel like the world's worst person, but I feel sorry.
You feel bad for all seven dogs? We don't know what the girl did to the dog. That's true. Could have tugged the ear.
They said that the... Mother or, I don't know, someone from the family spoke to the press and said that she used to use the dogs as pillows when they would watch TV and the dogs had never been aggressive. My thing is don't have seven pit bulls because they're going to turn into a pack.
Well, here's the thing about animals, aggressive animals. They're not aggressive all the time. Just like people who stab people, they don't spend the better part of every day stabbing.
No, they make it count.
They pick and choose their moments. And I don't care whether you're the guy who goes up to the bell tower and starts shooting co-eds or you're the guy who's just setting hobos on fire. It's not like all day, every day. It's not like, oh, my fucking...
back's killing me from setting hobos on fire my stabbing arms all fucking shot to shit like they do a little bit of it but when they do it it's kind of game on and the thing with the like whether it's the pit bulls or the lions the lion's cool nine times out of ten but it's just that one time that you sit on his paw you sit on his paw or he just he's having a bad bad day maybe it's a might all day and that fucking line comes and does a little and the problem is is with animals
They don't really have a dimmer switch. You know what I mean? They just kind of flip that switch on. And so you got your pet python or your pit bulls or your lion. You work over at the lion place that saves. By the way, that part where you're getting eaten by a lion, by a lion rescue place. I'd be like, you got a hell of a lot of nerve, Kimba. Jesus Christ. I work at a fuck.
I fucking donate my goddamn time. Read the sign. I donate my time at the lion rescue place and you repay me by eating me? Well, that's a fine how do you do.
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Chapter 7: What personal anecdotes are shared about Jason Collins and coming out in sports?
Yeah. Dawson's father, by the way, too. Not having ever met him. That's what I imagine he looks like. He died in a tragic bong incident in 1979. So really, that's kind of a touchy subject. Sorry about that. He doesn't remember. Sorry, more homework. But if you take the curling move, they're down on that one knee. I mean, you're halfway home to the T-bone. You are right about that.
I can see what you're talking about. You see, if they get down on that one knee and they just slide it across the ice, I could see, like I said, just during the offseason, he could practice his move and his curling. I think he'd be accepted just because of the love of that sport.
Just like he could become Canada's Bo Jackson, two-sport athlete. Yeah, terrific.
You're an idea, mayonnaise. That's me. So, all right. So, Tim Tebow, kick to the curb. Who knows if he'll ever find a place.
I predict that Mark Sanchez will join him because I can't imagine that you draft Geno Smith and then you're going to carry this circus act, Mark Sanchez, and that battle all through training camp. Best to kick him out, too, and start anew. Anyway, so that's that.
Now, the big story I was referring to just a moment ago is that Jason Collins, longtime NBA center who's played with six teams, has announced he's gay. At long last, someone who is an active player with an asterisk because he's a free agent and he's 34. And we'll see if someone signs him. But I imagine they will because he's a seven foot tall guy who can play a little bit.
Hold on.
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Chapter 8: What are the implications of Jason Collins' announcement for other athletes?
Did you say his ass was at risk? Because that's hurtful. That's hurt speech. Hey, free speech, fella. That's her speech. Say what I want. I don't work the ass at risk when I'm talking gay stories. But anyway, keep going.
They said it would be tough for Collins, and this is what they meant.
So he is gay. There's the curling move.
All right.
Yeah, look at that. Once you release that curling thing, you could go up into the T-bone. Yeah. Excellent.
But so Jason Collins, and for the most part, people are coming out effusive in praise for him. A few outliers, like Mike Wallace, the new wide receiver for the Miami Dolphins, later the Pittsburgh Steelers, made a joke on Twitter saying something like, uh, I don't understand with so many beautiful women in the world why you'd want to go for dudes. And he's gotten a lot of heat. You know, listen.
Was it a joke? It's clearly a joke. But it is interesting that these guys aren't so thoroughly coached up by the leagues and their teams.
I don't care what your opinion is. Just keep your yap shut. If you are anti-gay. For the interest of yourself, for the team and the league, just keep it to yourself.
Do not go on record making homophobic or I'm a Christian, so therefore it's inappropriate. I think it's outrageous. Ace, how say you? Will we now see a flood or at least several more names, as the speculation is that many more guys will now feel it's a safe place to come out?
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