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Chapter 1: What are the reasons behind the struggles of young men today?
Hey, in this episode, Scott Galloway, the professor, comes on to share his wisdom. Dawson has the news, and we'll do all that right after this. Don't miss the Ace Man this November in the Lone Star State. In Fort Worth, Thursday, November 20th, two shows, 7 p.m. and 9.30 at Hyena's Comedy Nightclub.
Then it's off to the Woodlands, Texas, which is near Houston, for two shows Friday, November 21st at the Do-Si-Do The Big Barn. Then Saturday, November 22nd, The Ace Man's at the Rattlesnake Roadhouse in Walnut Springs, Texas. Grab tickets and enjoy the show. More information at adamcarolla.com. This November, action is free on Pluto TV. Go on the run with Jack Reacher.
Every suspect was a train killer.
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Chapter 2: What statistics highlight the challenges faced by young men?
And I like what you said, we don't update and we take it too far. And what UCLA did in 1997 is the right way. And that is, I believe in affirmative action. I think almost all Democrats and a lot of Republicans believe that some people are born with wins in their face and they could use a hand up. The question is, what is the metric for identifying who gets a hand up?
And I think the University of California got it right in 1997 when they moved to an adversity index. They said, it's no longer race-based. I'm the beneficiary of affirmative action. I got unfair advantage because I was considered in the lower quartile of income earning homes. My mother was a secretary and it was just her. I got Pell grants. And I think that's the way we should go.
But unfortunately, at Michigan, they have a 200 person DEI department. And so what are they doing? Recruiting white kids from Kentucky? Because those are the ones who are most underrepresented now. in Michigan. So we take things too far. And then the Republicans, the far right, weigh in with something equally batshit crazy.
And the statement that summarizes politics in America for me right now is if progressives won't enforce the border, fascists will. So Democrats think it's OK to let a quarter of a million people pour across the border by just raising their hand and saying asylum. All right. They think it's okay for a six-foot-five transgender woman to show up to an NCAA swim meet.
These things are just fucking crazy. And then what happens? Republicans weigh in, or the far right weighs in, and starts pulling the names of gay people off of ships. Harvey Milk, first openly gay elected public official, a small nod to the gay community, take his name off a ship. I just see that as a big fuck you to the gay community thing. that is unneeded.
They are kicking transgender people out of the military. They are passing laws in South Dakota that doesn't allow transgender athletes. And then when someone actually asked, are there any transgender athletes in high school in South Dakota, they couldn't find one. It's as if there's no goddamn middle ground anymore. The left goes crazy. It's well-intentioned, but they take shit way too far.
We stick out our chin, and then this fist of stone, which quite frankly is sometimes coarse and cruel, To me, that is the cadence of American politics right now. We go too far on the left. The right moves in with something crazy that, quite frankly, can come across as a bit oppressive and cruel.
Well, what you're talking about is... When they started pushing real hard in California for electric vehicles and hybrids and Priuses, and I think Newsom made a proclamation about doing away with all internal combustion engines by 2030 or something like that, I started noticing a lot of... Dodge Ram pickup trucks with lift kits and fun and mud tires on them.
I started noticing gigantic pickup trucks everywhere. And it's Los Angeles, right? So, you know, the thing about Los Angeles is there's not a lot of hunters and there's not a lot of guys doing off-roading because actually the highways are sort of like off-roading because all the potholes and how well-maintained they are. But I've lived here my whole life.
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Chapter 3: How do societal expectations affect young men's mental health?
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Promo code Adam. So, In terms of – man, and I agree with you completely in that this stuff should be socioeconomic and not skin tone based. I told everyone I tried to be a fireman out here when I was poor and white when I was 19, and they just said, we're not hiring white guys. And I thought at the time you should be hiring poor guys, not – white, black, or whatever.
We should be focusing on who's got the least opportunity here. Trevor Noah's kids do not need any help.
That is correct. Letting in the private equity billionaire Taiwanese daughter into Stanford, that is not adding diversity. Primitive action, in my view, is a wonderful thing. It should be based on color, but that color is money. If you're If you're in the top 1% of income-earning households, you're 77 times more likely as a kid to go to an elite school than the bottom 99%.
People in the bottom 1% live 12 years less long. They die 12 years earlier than people in the top 1%. Every forward-looking indicator of your success, in America it used to be about grit and talent. Now it's about how rich your parents are. So if we're going to adjust anything, base it on the income of the household that kid is growing up in.
I agree, and then also there is a safety net, and there's generational wealth. I mean, there's just property is owned and assets are had, and you have a safety net when you come from something. When you don't, there's no net. So some of the stuff you write about in your book,
notes on being a man, uh, you have some of the tenants here and I, I found some of them and I singled them out and thought we could go over some of those. Get out of the house. Action absorbs anxiety. And I do love the
First off, I love that most of this stuff is just what I call diet and exercise, like stuff your grandpa could have told you, you know, real basic shit, you know, like you want to lose weight. Yeah. Diet and exercise. Enough. You're good. We know. We're all experts now. Get out of the house. Move, you know. That's right. But tell me about it. Get out of the house. Action absorbs anxiety.
Men age 20 to 30 are spending less time outdoors now than prison inmates. Really? Yeah. You're up against 40% of the S&P by market value. The most valuable companies in history have one objective, and that's to sequester you from relationships in the outdoors.
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Chapter 4: What role does technology play in the lives of young men?
And this is the scariest one. 45% of men, 18 to 24, have never asked a woman out in person. So what you have is a series of frictionless platforms that say, no, life and relationships are easier over here. And the real victory comes from friction. The real skills comes from navigating that hard stuff.
So you take the fact that our instincts have not caught up to institutional production of these things, and you have the deepest pocketed companies figuring out a way to tap into that flaw in your species at scale, and you end up with externalities the likes of which we just haven't seen. We have the most anxious generation in history, despite the fact that there is an argument
that these kids are living a better life than the richest person 100 years ago. There is some truth to that, but they feel anxious. They feel they're more obese than ever before. They don't like to go out. And a lot of them were kind of evolving this economically unviable group. And then the knock on effect of all of this is that we and we don't like to talk about this.
Men made socioeconomically horizontally and down women, horizontal and up 75% of women say that economic viability is really important in a mate. It's only 25% of men care about a woman. And that's that Chris Rock joke, Beyonce could work at McDonald's and marry Jay-Z, but not vice versa.
And when we're producing an entire generation of economically and emotionally unviable men, there's just less mating. 60% of 30-year-olds used to have one child in the house, now it's 27%. So we're separating from each other, we're not having sex, and we're not forming families. And what it ends up is those relationships are actually more important to men
It ends up that men need relationships more than women. Widows are happier after their husband dies. Widowers are less happy after their wife dies. Women in relationships live two to four years longer. Men live four to seven years longer. And there's just a lot of men who are falling into the following category.
If they haven't cohabitated or married someone by the time they're 30, there's a one in three chance they're gonna be a substance abuser. So you have a group of young people that, and there's a lot of things, they can't afford homes, more expensive education, but also they're just not connecting with school, with work, and most importantly, they're not connecting with relationships.
And I think big tech, there's a lot of things, socioeconomic, biological reasons, but I think the primary culprit, call it 30 or 40% of it, is this indomitable well-resourced foe trying to convince them they don't need to be mammals. They can have a life inside of their basement.
Yeah, so much to think about. Well, we as human beings will oftentimes take the path of least resistance. Most people will just do that. It's a sort of default setting. So you go... And historically, that's sort of how it works. So, you know, in the past, you go, I'm hungry. Okay, we'll take this spear and walk barefoot in a loincloth and see if you come across a wild boar.
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Chapter 5: How can young men demonstrate excellence in today's society?
And don't be surprised when people take them up on it. And that's exactly what most people are doing now in the past. You didn't really have a choice. You had to go out and hunt, or at least you had to go to the supermarket, but there wasn't an opportunity for people to bring everything to you, which is now... I mean, even stupid stuff like... task rabbit.
You know, I can't tell you how many times I've said, I'll just hang those pictures in the hall over the weekend. And my girlfriend has said, no, just call task rabbit. And then I go, no, no, I'll do it. You know? And she goes, yeah, but call task rabbit. I don't know. I don't know who's smart and who's dumb and who's right and who's wrong.
But what I'm saying is all these businesses have popped up. I mean, there's businesses where, will come to your house and detail your car. And there's also ones that will come to your home and fill up your car with gasoline. And I don't say that all of it is bad. I'm just saying... There is going to be no resistance. We are creating a society.
And at some point, maybe if Andrew Yang gets his way, we'll have universal income. And then at some point, you'll never have to leave the house or have a girlfriend or go on the proverbial hunt again. Also, we're all narcissists. Sort of by trade. And I don't mean everybody's, you know, a sociopathic narcissist.
The way we are as human beings, and I've experienced it, is I was at a party at Dr. Drew's house and his wife hired a psychic. And these are a bunch of adults who are college educated, mostly with advanced degrees. And all of them, if you would have said to them, do you see a psychic? They'd say no. And they'd go, are psychics real? And they'd go, I don't believe in that bullshit.
But if you're at a party and somebody's sitting there, all of a sudden there's a line of people that want to go hear what the psychic has to say. Why? Because it's about them. It's a narcissism thing.
And that narcissism thing, when you're on that screen and somebody said something about you or there's something in a comment page or someone has tweeted at you, good or bad, and maybe even more when it's bad, that narcissism thing, which is...
The sleeping giant in all of us that we were supposed to sort of tamp down with the golden rule and religion and good coaches and good parents and stuff, that's all gone now. And the tech companies have figured out they can get to that nerve, that narcissism nerve, and it'll draw people. everybody in to find out about them themselves.
So between the path of least resistance and the narcissism, we are set up. We're, we're set up like bowling pins just waiting to be knocked down.
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Chapter 6: What are the implications of economic viability for young men?
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Damn, I hate to fly.
Launch into sci-fi adventure with The Fifth Element and laugh through the mayhem in Tropic Thunder.
What is going on here?
All the thrills, all for free. Pluto TV. Stream now. Pay never. No, you're, you're right. I mean, it used to be a guy would pull up on a motorcycle and you'd go, okay, that guy knows how to ride a motorcycle. Like he can handle it. Yeah. But there was something about being able to handle a motorcycle. Like that was a thing. And then there were skill sets and trades and you're right.
Dancing and things. And, and even a protection sort of thing, you know, if another guy was getting out of line and it's, It is interesting, and you're right, we don't really have... venues for that to show off that excellence anymore. And I guess, you know, a sense of humor is one that's still probably in play. I've also noticed that men, younger men in general, are just kind of detuned.
Like we... We retarded their growth and we sort of they're just kind of detuned in the example that I would always say is. And there's also mentor mentorship issue. Like I've been here for 16 years. I've employed a ton of guys under the age of 30 and no one has ever asked me, hey, can I chew on your ear for a minute? Can I ask you a couple of questions?
Or do you think we could get lunch one of these days and I could just sort of ask you how things work for you and some things? Let me just pick your brain for a minute. It's never been discussed. I brought it up many times into this microphone and there's nobody in this building that's ever asked me to talk. outside of this building ever.
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Chapter 7: How do relationships impact the well-being of young men?
I've never heard any enthusiasm. It's like a kind of a, and I don't know if it's a lot of edibles and a lot of porn and like a lot of satiation or like too much Netflix or something, but whatever that fire in the belly or eye of the tiger kind of thing that young dudes sort of on the way up used to have, it is not around. It's gone.
So a lot there. So just in order, you mentioned humor. So there's studies on this. The three top reasons women are sexually attracted to men is one, their ability to signal resources. We talked about that. And it's not only having a Range Rover and a Panerai now. It means having your shit together such that you appear to be the kind of guy that might have resources in the future, right?
You got to plan. You don't stay in the club till 2 a.m. You got shit to do in the morning. Women aren't drawn to a man who's in shape because of his muscles, but because it reflects he can show up and he's disciplined. And those attributes serve him well across the rest of his life. The second, and you referenced this, is intelligence. And it's instinctual because guys who are intelligent,
make better decisions for the family, and the family is more likely to survive. And I would bet that the two of us, the only time we got dates in high school was because the fastest way to communicate intellect is what? Humor. 100%. And this is my impersonation of a woman. I'm laughing, I'm laughing, I'm naked. I've always thought if you can make a woman laugh, she will grab coffee with you.
And not only that, some people just aren't born like Adam Carolla. They aren't just naturally funny. But you can have a great sense of humor by laughing a lot. She says something sort of funny, you laugh. Someone else says something funny, you laugh.
I've always thought that that was the easiest way to have a great... It's hard to be funny, but it's not hard to laugh and have a good sense of humor.
And then the third thing... I'll cut you off real quick. I'll tell you, there's a lot of comedians... and I won't mention their names, but there's a lot of comedians that aren't that funny. And people go, they'll go, that guy is so funny. I'll go, he's not really funny, but he laughs real hard all the time. And people go, I don't know what's the difference.
And I'm like, well, as a comedian, I'm telling you, he's not saying funny things, but he's laughing all the time. And thus you think he's a really funny comedian. So it works.
Yeah, I find. And then you talked about mentorship. Look, you're an intimidating guy. So first off, are you identified a real flaw in our society? In the UK and Germany, 11% of LinkedIn titles say apprentice. It's 3%. in the US.
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Chapter 8: What solutions are proposed for addressing the struggles of young men?
But also, that's a kind of thing that... a young male, since we're on the subject, you're not supposed to be striving for that balance when you're 26. You're supposed to be working your ass off so that you can have that balance later in life with something you want to do. It's not all that much different than a retirement account.
You're supposed to be socking the money away at this point so that you can enjoy a more comfortable and leisurely life at a different point. Now for me, It was just getting from carpentry to comedy. It wasn't about saving money. It was, I don't want to be driving a truck and swinging a hammer when I'm 50. It's going to be too hard.
I want to be talking to you and doing stand-up and writing a book. That would be a better life as an older man. So I just... worked at it to get off the construction site. That was sort of going to be my balance. But I think a lot of young dudes are trying to hit the work-life balance now at 24 and 27.
And these are the make the hay while the sun shine years to put yourself in a great position to have the work-life balance a decade from now or two decades from now.
Yeah, in the book, I try to envision an aspirational vision of masculinity because I do think that a lot of young men are lost and could benefit from a code. And some people get their code from religion, the military, their family.
And I think an aspirational vision of masculinity could serve as a code for people born as male, might have an easier time leaning into these more masculine attributes. But one, I think it's to be a provider.
I think every man at the outset of his career should assume he might have to take economic responsibility for his household, which, by the way, means sometimes getting out of the way and being more supportive of your partner who may be better at that whole money thing.
But really try hard to establish a trajectory, certification, the work ethic such that you can put yourself in a position of being economically viable. Society disproportionately evaluates men based on their economic viability. It's key to mating. I don't care what anyone says. So at the outset, you got to have a plan for being economically viable.
And sometimes that just means being a Lyft driver until you're figuring out. Because the best way to make a lot of money is to start by making a little bit of money. Because once you're in the arena, you learn how to fight. You learn how to make more money. And you get a taste for the flesh of money, and it's very motivating.
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