ADHD Chatter
Leading Psychiatrist: How To Process A Late ADHD Diagnosis, Grief Is The First Stage!
13 Jan 2026
Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
The female presentation of ADHD doesn't even resemble what it says in the NICE guidance or within the DSM-5 criteria.
Chapter 2: Is it acceptable for men to discuss female ADHD?
So how is a clinician who is effectively using a checklist going to be able to diagnose any woman? What we have with regards to assessment tools, with regards to the understanding, is all based on a male-centric presentation.
Chapter 3: What is Dr. Asad's most heartbreaking patient story?
Dr. Asad Rafi is a leading psychiatrist,
who's assessed thousands of women for ADHD and autism. He's here to explain how to process a late diagnosis and how to reach your untapped potential.
Chapter 4: What is the mission of Dr. Asad Rafi in the ADHD space?
Individuals with ADHD are constantly striving for validation from the outside world. And I say, before you can get that validation from others, you've got to seek it within yourself. And I think that's one of the toughest elements of this particular condition. When someone says to me, how would you describe someone with ADHD?
Chapter 5: How does alexithymia affect adults with ADHD?
I say they're emotional people.
Why do you think women have been missed for so long in the ADHD space?
Chapter 6: What are effective strategies for managing ADHD-related stress and sleep?
Dr. Asad, welcome back. Thank you for having me back, Alex.
Chapter 7: Why are women with ADHD often overlooked in diagnoses?
Huge privilege to have you back. And before we start, I want to address the elephant in the room. I'm going to put you on the spot a little bit to start. One of the criticisms that many people in the ADHD space have had in the past is that it's not okay for men to discuss female ADHD. What's your stance on this?
Is it okay for us two men to sit here today and discuss the struggles that women have with ADHD?
Yeah.
It's a recurring conversation that I see in forums, I see it online, and men like you and I do attract that criticism. What's the agenda? What's behind this? Is it a commercial agenda? Are they doing it for the likes? But I think we've got to be really clear about what that agenda is. And certainly from, I can only speak for myself, certainly from my perspective,
It's sharing that knowledge, it's sharing that understanding with people who have been misled, who have not been understood, who have not been validated for decades. And ultimately, no man should claim any form of authority on women's mental health or women's health in general. And we should act as advocates in the best possible way. not be virtue signaling.
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Chapter 8: What does rejection sensitivity dysphoria look like in ADHD patients?
You know, we need to be using these platforms in the best possible way to help others.
The late diagnosis crisis that is happening with so many women having been let down for so long, I truly believe having spoken to so many women on this podcast is heartbreaking. Being misunderstood, being othered, being genuinely feeling like they're broken for most of their life is truly heartbreaking. In your practice, do you see many patients that stick with you as being truly heartbreaking?
Absolutely. There are common themes. People who have not been listened to. They've not been heard. They've not been understood. And as I said, they've not been validated. And that leads to almost a chronic distrust of doctors like me. And the first piece of work I've got to do is to try and rebuild that trust. And I often say that there's nothing new that I'm going to tell you today.
My job is to join those dots, to help you to understand how everything connects and ultimately to help you to understand yourself better. So yeah, absolutely. We're in a situation where we're seeing many women who come to our practice, who seek out that help and support because they've not been given the right answers in the past.
If you were to think of one standout patient who you saw and you were truly heartbroken by, could you think of one?
I can think of many. And I think one of the most recent cases that I'd seen really brings home to roost a lot of the issues that women, not necessarily with ADHD, but just women in general, tend to demonstrate, which is significant sacrifice. And this particular case has sat with me on a personal level for, well, since the moment that I met this family.
And it was a young boy who had been brought to clinic with mum and dad to understand whether or not he had ADHD, which he did. And mum kept intimating to me that she wanted some time by herself. And I wasn't sure as to what that conversation was likely to be about. I thought it may well be about, um, something at school.
Um, what she did say to me was when I did have the opportunity was that she was in a situation where she may not be here for much longer. She had a terminal illness. And I think what was really obvious at that point for me was understanding that sacrifice that she was making and she wanted her child to be in the best possible situation.
And I think what she really encompassed was motherhood and women. And ultimately that they have those dual roles in life alongside their work, alongside everything else, this constant battles. And ultimately her biggest worry and concern wasn't herself. It was for her child. But then I also had a partner. I also had a husband who was really struggling. And I suspect also had ADHD.
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