Most Replayed Moment: The Emotional Toll Of Undiagnosed AuDHD (Explained by No.1 AuDHD Expert)
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What is the emotional toll of undiagnosed AuDHD?
What is the emotional toll, perhaps, of someone who has all DHD but never figures it out?
This reminds me of a... Of something that happened recently, a mother contacted me from Canada. She emailed me and she said that she has read my book. She had seen our previous podcast. And for a very long time, she was in grief because her son died a year ago. His name was Adam. He was a musician. At the age of 13 years, he was selected as one of the BBC Musicians of the Year. Gifted. He saw music on the piano. He mastered the music in two months after he learned the basics of it. To the extent that people said that he is unteachable now. People could not train him because he was at that very level. He had died a year ago of overdose, fentanyl overdose. And the mother could not forgive him or forgive herself.
Had not looked at the picture for a year. And when she sent me the story and sent me the email, I cried for five minutes. Just listening and just... listening to the voice note and looking at the story that she had sent, the pictures of the person. From the very onset, like again, he was brilliant, but he used to forget things. He ended up one day with just one shoe in school. He was not a typical ADHDer. And when mother raised concerns with the school teacher, with the school nurse, and she laughingly said, oh, somebody who can memorize a 40-page sonata. cannot have any learning difficulty. So it was completely dismissed. And then there was another side to him who was very preoccupied with things, with special interests.
He would not meet people. He would not mingle with people. He was taught in one of the best music schools in the world.
How did Adam's musical talent impact his life and struggles?
He was in Manchester, then he went to the Hamburg Conservatory, which is one of the leading institutes, and he played all over Europe, but again, not socializing with people. The defining factor was, in his life, was the pandemic. And that broke him. He was devastated. He was locked in the dorm, not able to get out. Mother had to fly all the way from Canada because he had lost yet another passport, his sixth in a year, and the authorities won't issue him the passport. And mother had no alternative but to take him back because he was not able to sustain himself in Europe. And with that, his dreams shattered to be a musician. He was diagnosed eventually with ADHD, but was never medicated. He could not hold a job.
He started self-medicating. Then it went into using hard drugs. And eventually became homeless and the world saw him as an addict. It could not go past beyond that addiction phase of his. Like he became invisible from a musical prodigy to being a homeless person on the streets. And according to mother, his whole life was a contradiction. He was perfectionistic, yet very chaotic. And he feared life more than death. When his mother asked him, and again, that gave me goosebumps. And mother said, Adam, why do you take drugs? And he says, mother, normal people, they fear death. People like me, they use drugs because we fear life. That's such a strong statement. And it actually shows his insight into his life and how he was misunderstood and not seen.
And he eventually one day died of a fentanyl overdose. His parents were in another city. Mother received a call from the doctor. Your son is on ventilator. What should we do? This is what
What challenges did Adam face during the pandemic?
a missed RDHD can look like. It's one of the most heartbreaking examples. But people like Adam, they just go unnoticed in this world. They became invisible, despite of being brilliant. And the story has stayed with me. It doesn't go away. Because every time I think of RDHD, I think of Adam.
Such a heartbreaking story, Karam, and thank you for sharing it. I think it's a tribute to Adam, and it shines such a bright spotlight on the importance of the work that yourself and many people are doing to raise awareness. I'm certainly thinking of someone. I'm sure many of the listeners and viewers are thinking of Someone that they know as well, their own version of Adam, who is deeply struggling, who perhaps it's themselves, who feels deeply misunderstood.
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