The ADHD Hack I Learnt From 8 Years In The Military - ADHD Is A Curse... Until You Learn It
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
in the adhd community there's a thing that you feel you should be right about if somebody else gets it wrong that's going to trigger that justice sensitivity to the point where even after that conversation has died you're obsessing over that particular piece and justifying that you were right to have called them out on it and it's only towards the end of that rumination cycle that you think well maybe i pushed that a bit too far
Do you think a lot of people with ADHD spend their whole life trying to earn their self-worth?
We have this perception it's either only us that feels like this or it's everybody. Both of those come with a need to be visible for the good things while you continue to contain the bad things that you know circle around inside.
Really, the reason I was so excited to bring you onto the podcast Could you share your groundbreaking ADHD coping strategy with us? It's a catch-all for all ADHD traits, and it's RAISE, R-A-I-S-E. Let's start with R. What does that stand for? Can I have just a second of your time? If this podcast has helped you understand your brain or made you feel less alone, can you do me one favor? Can you hit the follow button? And I'll repay the favour by continuing to book the best and most exclusive conversations on this topic. Please enjoy the episode, and always remember, you're not broken, just different, and you have always been enough. I've never started a podcast like this before, and I wanted to read to you a letter that I was sent by a viewer of the ADHD Chatter podcast that actually changed how I think about ADHD.
And the letter is this. It said... The worst thing about ADHD is that I get argumentative about the most nonsensical things ever and only realise when it's too late that I was freaking out about nothing. It hurts a lot of friendships that I have and the relationships I have at work with colleagues or even with my parents. It makes me seem like an arrogant person. I hate being alone with my own thoughts and being alone with my own faults. I think it's easier to prove myself rather than accept myself.
Why do people with ADHD feel they must constantly prove their worth?
I think that's my main problem. How common within the ADHD community do you think that thought process is? I'd say hugely common.
I mean, even just from personal experience, the years have kind of... silly things like correcting grammar in documents or when people speak, when they send you a text message and kind of almost being obsessive about that pre-diagnosis. So for me, I personally have done that as a thing all my life. I've managed to contain it now. But all my life, I look at the text message and it's got the wrong kind of you're in or the wrong kind of they're in. And you go back and say, you mean this kind of there. And there's almost like an element of that justice sensitivity creeping in that that's wrong. And you can't have that wrong. You know, maybe there's a trigger back. But I think in the ADHD community, there's a thing that you feel you should be right about.
that's on your trajectory and if somebody else gets it wrong then that's going to trigger that justice sensitivity to the point like I used to be where even after that conversation has died you're obsessing over that particular piece and justifying that you were right to have called them out on it. And it's only towards the end of that kind of rumination cycle that you kind of think, well, maybe I pushed that a bit too far.
And then the regret then sinks in. I want to zoom in, Rich, just onto that point, because I think you've really landed on something there. Do you think a lot of people with ADHD spend their whole life trying to earn their self-worth?
Yeah. I mean, I think particularly... you know, the late diagnosed community. There's this kind of stretch. I've got this client that I coach now who's, you know, mid-40s, on the outside is successful in their career. They work, you know, in a big kind of PR kind of capacity. He always has this sense that he, you know, when I talk to him, that he's trying to prove his worth. Even when we first start a coaching session,
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Chapters
4 chapters
1
What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
0:00–2:03
2
Why do people with ADHD feel they must constantly prove their worth?
2:03–30:50
3
What is the emotional cost of constantly trying to prove yourself with ADHD?
30:50–58:13
4
What grief do people experience after an ADHD diagnosis at different ages?
58:13–59:02
Speakers
2 identifiedMore from ADHD Chatter
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