After the Affair
Episodes
174. Are You Being Driven by Fear?
21 Jan 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Fear influences far more of our behaviour than most of us realise. Not obvious fear. Not panic or terror. But the quiet, reasonable-sounding fear that...
173. When Your Partner Still Has Feelings for Their Affair Partner
14 Jan 2026
Contributed by Lukas
One of the most painful and confusing stages of betrayal recovery is this: You’re trying to heal the relationship… and your partner is still emoti...
172. Are You Healing… or Just Protecting Yourself?
07 Jan 2026
Contributed by Lukas
After betrayal, many people notice a change in themselves. They’re calmer. More regulated. Less reactive. But they’re also more distant. Less open...
171. The 3 Ingredients Behind Most Betrayals
31 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
As the year comes to a close, many betrayed partners find themselves reviewing everything that happened, and quietly turning that review into self-att...
170.5 You Didn’t Fail Because They Had Unmet Needs
25 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
After betrayal, many people carry a quiet belief: “If I had been more, they wouldn’t have needed someone else.” This short Christmas Day bonus e...
170. Why “Why Did They Cheat?” Is the Wrong Question
24 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
After betrayal, one question tends to dominate the mind more than any other: “Why did they cheat?” It feels logical. Necessary. Like the answer mi...
169. Why You Can’t Decide After Betrayal: And How Decisions Really Work
17 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
After betrayal, one of the most painful places to be is stuck between options, unable to stay, unable to leave, unable to trust your own judgement. Ma...
168. Life After Betrayal: What Nobody Told You Is Possible.
10 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
When you’re in the thick of betrayal, it’s almost impossible to imagine a future where you’re not drowning in thoughts, panic, anger, and heartb...
167. Is Non-Monogamy Just an Excuse for Betrayal?
03 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
In the aftermath of betrayal, a growing number of people are hearing something deeply confusing, and often deeply hurtful: “Maybe we should open the...
166. Why You’re Still Suffering After Betrayal
26 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
If you’ve been asking yourself, “Why am I still suffering after betrayal?”, this episode is for you. Most people think they’re drowning becaus...
165. I'm Doing Therapy… So Why Am I Still Stuck?
19 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
If you’ve been going to therapy after betrayal and still don’t feel any better, you’re not alone, and you’re not broken. Most people stabilise...
164. They Chose Someone Else: What Does That Say About Me?
11 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
One of the most painful parts of betrayal is believing someone else was chosen instead of you. It can feel like a verdict, proof that you weren’t en...
163. The Lag: When You’re Out of Sync After Betrayal
05 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
After betrayal, couples often feel like they’re living the same story, but in completely different timelines. One partner feels miles ahead, ready t...
162. When You Don’t Know What to Do After Betrayal
29 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
After betrayal, it’s common to feel paralysed, caught between wanting to fix things and fearing you’ll make the wrong move. Every decision feels h...
161. Workplace Affairs: Why They Happen and How to Heal When They Do
22 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Work is supposed to be a place of focus, structure, and shared goals, not secrecy and heartbreak. Yet, for many couples, the workplace becomes the une...
160. The Problem with Using Ai to Heal Your Heart After Betrayal
15 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
AI can answer your questions, offer reassurance, even write the perfect breakup text. But can it really help you heal after betrayal? In this episode,...
159. The Truth About Safety After Betrayal
08 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
After infidelity, “safety” becomes the word we chase; - Emotional safety - Relational safety - Internal safety But what does that actually mean...
158. Fight, Apologise, Repeat: Breaking the Cycle of False Hope
01 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Fight, Apologise, Repeat: Breaking the Cycle of False Hope If you’ve ever felt stuck in the cycle of conflict and reconciliation, the fights that le...
157. When the Marriage Doesn’t Survive Infidelity
24 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
When betrayal strikes, many couples attempt reconciliation. But what happens when it doesn’t work out? When the marriage itself doesn’t survive, a...
156. Beyond Good and Bad: Rethinking Your Feelings After Infidelity
17 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
In this reflective episode, Luke explores why some people feel easy and others feel impossible, and how much of that is shaped by our beliefs. Drawing...
155. Back to Basics After the Affair
10 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Sometimes, after betrayal, the path forward feels overwhelming. There are countless emotions, opinions from friends and family, and a constant urge to...
154. Contempt After Betrayal: The Silent Killer of Connection
03 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Contempt is one of the most corrosive emotions in any relationship, and after betrayal, it shows up on both sides. The betrayed partner may see the un...
153. Cheating Isn’t the End: But Lack of Accountability Might Be
27 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
In the aftermath of infidelity, accountability is often the missing piece. Too often, the betrayed partner is left carrying the heavy work of healing ...
152. Serial Cheaters - Can They Ever Really Change?
20 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
When infidelity isn’t a one-off, but a repeated pattern, the pain cuts deeper. Serial cheating raises questions not just about what happened, but ab...
151. The Questions You’re Afraid to Ask: But Desperately Need Answered (Q&A Part 2)
13 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
What if the questions that keep looping in your mind, the ones you’re too ashamed or exhausted to voice, aren’t just valid, but shared by thousand...
150. Trigger Warning: What To Do When Everything Sets You Off After Infidelity
06 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Triggers after betrayal can feel sudden, overwhelming, and impossible to control. But what if they’re not signs that you’re broken, but signals fr...
149. When the Woman Cheats: and the Man Is Left Holding the Pieces
30 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
When a woman cheats, the cultural narrative often skips over the man left behind. The one quietly carrying the weight. The one told to “move on,” ...
148. He Chose You… in Secret: What It Really Means When a Married Man Pursues You
23 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
When a man in a committed relationship starts giving you attention, it can feel like lightning in a bottle, powerful, validating, intoxicating. But wh...
147. When Things Feel Off: Trusting Your Gut After Betrayal
16 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
You’ve rebuilt. Or maybe you’ve started again. On the surface, things seem okay, your partner’s doing the work, or your new relationship looks h...
146. Infidelity Recovery Expert Q&A: The Questions You’re Too Tired to Keep Asking
09 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
When you’re in the thick of healing after betrayal, it’s not just the pain that drains you. it’s the unanswered questions that loop endlessly in...
145. Hoping They’ll Change? Here’s the Truth About One-Sided Love.
02 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
You’re texting first. Waiting for replies. Making excuses. Holding on, hoping they’ll come around. But deep down, something feels off. This isn’...
144. You Crossed the Line, Now Here’s Mine: Boundaries After Betrayal
25 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
After betrayal, it’s easy to feel like you’re stuck reacting, trying to manage your partner’s behaviour, walking on eggshells, or questioning yo...
143. From Rock Bottom to Rising Strong: Hope on the Infidelity Recovery Journey
18 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
After betrayal, it’s easy to believe that your best days are behind you. That the pain you’re in now will always be part of you. But what if this ...
142. Disgust, Shame, and Survival: The Psychology Behind Post-Affair Revulsion
11 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Disgust isn’t just a passing reaction. For many betrayed partners, it’s a visceral, body-based response that no amount of logic or reassurance can...
141. I Know Why They Cheated - It Still Hurts Though
04 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Understanding why someone betrayed you can be helpful. It can explain what happened. It can offer context. It can even soften the sting, temporarily. ...
140. Am I Going Crazy? Real Words from the Betrayed
28 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Betrayal leaves behind more than heartbreak, it leaves questions that echo in your mind day and night. “Was it real?” “Did I miss the signs?” ...
139. Too Emotional After the Affair? Or Just Too Afraid to Feel?
21 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Have you ever been told you're too emotional, or secretly believed it yourself? If conflict overwhelms you, if you shut down or spiral in arguments, i...
138. Seeking Reassurance after Betrayal: It’s Never Enough Though
14 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
You know your partner’s betrayal wasn’t your fault. You understand the logic. But still, deep down, you’re stuck. Still needing reassurance. Sti...
137. When You Suspect an Affair
07 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
When you suspect infidelity but don’t have the proof, it can feel like you’re living in emotional limbo, caught between your gut and your guilt. I...
136. The ABCs of Infidelity Recovery – Acceptance, Boundaries, Compassion
30 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
When betrayal shatters your world, knowing where to start can feel overwhelming. In this episode, Luke breaks down a simple yet powerful framework to ...
135. You Were Betrayed: But Somehow You’re the One Afraid to Talk
23 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
You were the one who was lied to. The one who was betrayed. And yet somehow… you’re the one walking on eggshells. Afraid to say too much. Afraid t...
134. Betrayed and Ready to Give Up? Listen to this First
16 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
There are moments when it all feels like too much, when the pain of betrayal, the weight of healing, or the sheer exhaustion of trying to hold it toge...
133. Letting Go of the Outcome in Infidelity Recovery
09 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
After betrayal, it’s natural to want answers. Will they cheat again? Will we make it through this? Will I ever feel okay again? We fixate on the out...
132. I’ve Been Cheated On and Everyone Is Judging Me... I Think
02 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
After betrayal, many people feel like they’re walking around under a spotlight, like everyone is watching, whispering, judging. But here’s the tru...
131. Healing Requires Uncertainty – Learning to Trust What You Can’t See
26 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
We’re wired to crave certainty. Especially after betrayal, when everything familiar suddenly feels fragile, we reach for something solid, answers, g...
130. It’s TIME To Do Something Different After Betrayal
19 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
We all say we don’t want to waste time, yet most of us do, especially after infidelity. We get stuck in waiting: waiting for clarity, waiting for he...
129. You Don’t Have to Stay, Leave, or Forgive: You Only Have to Choose
12 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
After infidelity, it’s easy to feel like you have to do something, have to leave, have to stay and fix things, have to forgive to move on. Society, ...
128. Was the Affair Partner Better? The Truth About Comparison
05 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
After infidelity, it’s almost impossible not to compare yourself to the affair partner. Were they more attractive? More exciting? Did they have some...
127. Desire vs. Choice: Understanding the Power You Have in an Affair
26 Feb 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Desire can feel overwhelming, especially when you’re caught up in an affair or emotional connection outside your primary relationship. It can seem l...
126. Betrayal and The Male Ego: Rebuilding After the Ultimate Blow
19 Feb 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Betrayal isn’t just about broken trust, it’s about identity. For many men, their sense of self is built on strength, control, and loyalty. But whe...
125. Stuck Between Two Choices: Here’s What You’re Missing With Binary Thinking
12 Feb 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Feeling trapped between two impossible choices? Whether it’s staying in a relationship after betrayal or walking away, deciding whether to tell the ...
124. Advanced Guide to Thinking After Betrayal: The Bookshop and Publisher
05 Feb 2025
Contributed by Lukas
What if you could curate your thoughts like a bookshop owner curates their shelves? In this episode of After the Affair, I explore the power of intent...
123. Confirmation Bias: Are You Seeking What You Fear After Infidelity?
29 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Do you ever feel like the evidence for your worst fears is everywhere? Whether it’s comments on social media or your own inner dialogue, it can feel...
122. You Have Built A Glass Wall: And It Is Keeping You Stuck
22 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode of After the Affair, we explore a powerful metaphor, the “glass wall.” It’s the invisible barrier that betrayed partners often b...
121. Healing in the Aftermath: A Couple’s Journey Through Infidelity
15 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
In this heartfelt episode, we sit down with “Alan” and “Ann” (pseudonyms to protect their privacy) as they candidly share their ongoing journe...
120. Does Secrecy Breed Passion In An Affair?
08 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
What is it about an affair that feels so intoxicating? Is it the person, the connection, or is it something else entirely, like secrecy? In this episo...
119. Looking Back to Move Forward After the Affair: The Best of 2024
01 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
As we step into 2025, let’s take a moment to reflect on the lessons, insights, and transformative conversations that defined 2024. In this special N...
118. Christmas After Betrayal: Create Something New
25 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Christmas can be a season filled with joy and connection, but for anyone navigating betrayal, it can also bring sadness, loneliness, and longing for w...
117. Dealing With The Online Comments Section After Infidelity
18 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
The internet can feel like a war zone when you’re looking for answers after betrayal. Whether you’re the betrayed partner or the unfaithful one, s...
116. Religion and Betrayal: A Match made in Hell
11 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Religion often has a lot to say about infidelity: forgive, stay, move on. But what if these teachings complicate, rather than heal, the emotional deva...
115. Staying for the Kids: Parenting After Betrayal
04 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Staying for the kids" is a phrase loaded with expectation and sacrifice. But is staying in a relationship after betrayal truly the noble choice? Or co...
114. Is Porn Even Cheating? with Porn Addiction Coach, Matt Smith
27 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
What counts as cheating? For some, it’s clear-cut. For others, it’s a grey area. In this thought-provoking episode, I sit down with porn addiction...
113. Emotional Affairs: The Betrayal You Can’t See
20 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Emotional affairs might not leave physical evidence, but their impact can be just as devastating as physical infidelity. In this episode of After the ...
112. Redefining Manhood: Purpose, Identity, and the Role of Infidelity
13 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode of After the Affair, we’re exploring a question that many men find themselves asking but few know how to answer: What does it mean t...
111. It’s Over, But I’m Still Stuck: The Ghosts of Infidelity That Won’t Go Away (3/3)
06 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In the final part of our mini-series, we talk about something that many people don’t expect, how the imbalances created by infidelity can linger lon...
110. Why Can’t We Heal? When the Unfaithful Partner's Best Efforts Still Fall Short (2/3)
30 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In the second part of our mini-series on imbalance after infidelity, we explore what happens when the unfaithful partner is doing everything ‘right’...
109. You Cheated, So Why Am I the One Fixing Things? (1/3)
23 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode of After the Affair, we dive into a frustrating dynamic that many betrayed partners face after infidelity, the unfair expectation that...
108. Is Your Relationship Due for an Update?
16 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode of After the Affair, Luke Shillings explores how relationships, like technology, need regular updates to stay in sync. Just like your ...
107. Why Relationship Statistics Are Wrong About You
09 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode of After the Affair, Luke Shillings takes a deep dive into the topic of relationship statistics and why they don’t define you. While...
106. Why Men Can’t Win: And Why Women Need to Hear This
02 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode of After the Affair, host Luke Shillings tackles a frustration many men experience but rarely talk about, the feeling that no matter w...
105. The Shock of a Same-Sex Affair: Healing After an Unexpected Betrayal
25 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this powerful episode of After the Affair, host Luke Shillings delves into a deeply nuanced and often overlooked aspect of infidelity: same-sex aff...
104. Don't Heal - The Inverse Approach After Infidelity
18 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Welcome back to After the Affair with your host, Luke Shillings. In today’s episode, we're flipping the traditional approach to healing on its hea...
103. Why I Love Breaking the Rules of Infidelity: Societal Expectations Debunked
11 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode of After the Affair, host Luke Shillings takes a deep dive into the societal expectations surrounding infidelity and why many of them ...
102. Doing the Work After the Affair
04 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode of 'After the Affair,' host Luke Shillings delves into the concept of "doing the work" in the aftermath of betrayal, particularly in t...
101. Afraid to Be Seen? The Hard Truth About Validation and Betrayal
28 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Welcome to another episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, titled "Afraid to Be Seen? The Hard Truth About Vali...
100. The Anniversaries We Hate: Redefining Time and Memory
21 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Welcome to a special 100th episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this milestone episode, titled "The Anniversaries We Hate:...
99. The Want Match: Aligning Desires After Betrayal
14 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Welcome to another episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, titled "The Want Match: Aligning Desires After Betra...
98. Trickle Truth: The Pain of Gradual Disclosure in Infidelity
07 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Welcome to another episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, titled "Trickle Truth: The Pain of Gradual Disclos...
97. Time to Choose: Infidelity and the Truth We Face
31 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Welcome to another episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, titled "Time to Choose: Infidelity and the Truth We ...
96. Why Being Right Is Destroying Your Relationship
24 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Winning your next argument is the most important thing, right? Join Luke Shillings - Relationship and Infidelity Recovery Coach as he unpicks the psy...
95. Healing from Betrayal Using Internal Family Systems (IFS)
17 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Welcome to another episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, titled "Healing from Betrayal Using Internal Famil...
94. Lover vs. Provider: Exploring the Complexities of Infidelity
10 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Luke explains how individuals might be drawn to different partners for various reasons and how these dynamics can influence infidelity. Through multip...
93. The Stories We Tell Ourselves: The Symbolism of Betrayal
03 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Discover how the pain of betrayal often extends beyond the physical act, touching on what the affair represented rather than the individual affair par...
92. When Apologies Don't Cut It After Infidelity: Moving Beyond Dependency
26 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Welcome to another insightful episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, we delve into a common struggle faced by ...
91. What Are Your Beliefs Costing You?
19 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode of 'After the Affair,' join me, your host Luke Shillings as I discover how limiting beliefs can keep you stuck in negative patterns an...
90. The Neuroscience of Trust and Betrayal
12 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode of 'After the Affair,' host Luke Shillings takes a deep dive into the neuroscience behind trust and betrayal. Understanding these proc...
89. I Bet You Have Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms: How to Spot them After Infidelity
05 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Welcome to another episode of "After the Affair." I'm your host, Luke Shillings, and today we're tackling a crucial aspect of recovery that many peopl...
88. Hysterical Bonding: Navigating Intense Emotions After Infidelity
29 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this insightful episode of "After the Affair," host Luke Shillings delves into the complex phenomenon of hysterical bonding that often follows infi...
87. The Power of Compersion: What Polyamory can teach us about Healing from Infidelity
22 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode of 'After the Affair,' join me Luke Shillings, as I take a look into the fascinating world of polyamory to uncover valuable insights t...
86. Why Affairs Don't Last
15 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Why don't affairs last? Drawing on both research and personal experiences, join me, Luke Shillings as I discuss the psychological, emotional, and soc...
85. Instructions Not Included: Why You Suck at Relationships
08 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Ever feel like you're fumbling in the dark when it comes to relationships? You're not alone. Many of us never received a clear guide on how to manage ...
84. Breaking the Ranks: Navigating Infidelity in Military Marriages with Caz Grant
01 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode of "After the Affair," Caz Grant joins me to explore the intricacies of infidelity within the context of military life. We delve into ...
83. Contemplating Infidelity: The Weight of Unseen Thoughts in Relationships
24 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this introspective episode of "After the Affair," join me Luke Shillings as I take a closer look at the impact of our innermost thoughts on our rel...
82. Growth After Betrayal: Universal Truths
17 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this transformative episode of "After the Affair," hosted by me, Luke Shillings I take listeners on an enlightening journey, connecting the vast, e...
81. Your Wife is Having an Affair. I Know Because it's with My Husband
10 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Join me Luke Shillings as I question the moral and emotional dilemma of whether to inform an affair partner's spouse about the infidelity. This is a d...
80. Should I Contact the Affair Partner?
03 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this potentially uncomfortable episode of "After the Affair," join me Luke Shillings as I ask one of the most complex and emotionally charged quest...
79. Betrayal Unpacked: Two Ways to Heal
27 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode of 'After the Affair,' I, Luke Shillings, dive deep into the heart of healing after infidelity. We explore two unique approaches to na...
78. A Story of Betrayal: No Place Like Home
20 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Dive deep into the heart of healing with 'A Story of Betrayal: No Place Like Home,' a poignant episode of the 'After the Affair' podcast. In this epis...
77. The Intricate Dance Between People Pleasing and Infidelity
13 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Join me, Luke Shillings, whilst I unpick the intricate dance between people-pleasing tendencies and the aftermath of infidelity. I offer a deep dive...
76. Addicted to an Affair with David Essel
06 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Join host Luke Shillings on 'After the Affair' for an enlightening Episode 76, featuring the renowned counsellor and relationship expert David Essel. ...