You can’t help people who don’t want to be helped. That includes those who just want to be validated without making changes. That includes those who say, “Here’s how to coach me.” Coaching is for short-term improvement in skills, behaviors, and mental set (emotions) that are manifest and repeatable. Longer-term help is advising (sounding board) and reactive rather than proactive. Codependency is excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, in either direction. Therapist: I won’t become part of your marriage. Me coaching: I won’t do your job for you or become part of your operation. Coachable people never say, “I tried that and it doesn’t work.” (Well, maybe you didn’t do it well enough.) Coachable people complete assignments, meet deadlines, don’t argue with metrics previously agreed upon. Coachable people see legitimate, authentic, long-lived benefits in positive change. They don’t allow their egos to block change or to be used as an excuse. They don’t try to become their coach, they try to adopt the behaviors recommended for them. They don’t listen to multiple coaches, “shopping” for advice which pleases them. What about you? Can you accept coaching that you request without conditions or pushback? Can you change behavior without experiencing a threat to your ego or status? Are you engaged in life-long learning or daily defending of your position, entrenched on a hill?

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“What did the council decide on item 42?” — answered with the speaker and the moment.

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