We live in a competitive world, a Darwinian, capitalist world, but I contend that winning can be dysfunctional when pursued merely for the sake of the win. Sometimes the closest theater seats are far from the best; the newest technology rapidly purchased is full of glitches; the tough restaurant seats are obtained amidst a loud and overwhelming crowd. All of us learn best when we occasionally have the chance to win (a game, an experience, a contest, an event). When we constantly lose because people more adept and highly competitive keep winning, we lose interest. If you keep beating your kid at chess the kid might become too discouraged to try harder. When you keep reminding your kids that their high scores or athletic achievements, while impressive, are still not as good as yours were, well, that sort of undermines any kind of reward, doesn’t it? I don’t consider negotiations with contractors as “win or lose” because I don’t mind the contractor “winning” a higher fee if it gains me priority, commitment, and excellent work. I refuse to try to “win” in stupid games, such as shooting a water gun into a target on the boardwalk at the beach, where it’s not really about skill and the prizes are worth about $1.79 in any case. Constantly trying to win exacts a high energy toll and creates unnecessary stress. During the course of the day, how many competitions do you really have to “win”? Does it include merging before someone ahead of you in traffic can? Welcome to road rage and, perhaps, life rage.

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