Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Trendsetters! It's almost here. AlphaFest, May 30. Don't miss out. Get on to MoshTix and grab yourself a ticket before they sell out. Patreon has been pumping. Moochinator3053 hasn't slept in three weeks. He hates sleep. But you know who we don't hate, Tom, and that's our sponsors. That's right, Pooh. Let's give them a pump up. Better Beer, the official beer of the Alpha Blokes podcast.
Get around it. CTC, keep your dome out of the sun with one of the many great country trucking caps. SP Tools, they've got you covered, whether it's on the worksite or in the shed. Papa Macro's healthy eating made easy. Port West workwear that is built to last, just like this community. And last but not least, Ned's. The only bookie that we have a punt with here at Alpha Blokes. Stay Ned-ly.
I just want to say from the bottom of me heart, I'd like to take this chance to apologise to absolutely nobody. The double champ does what the fuck he wants.
Safety first. Stay focused.
Keep pinging the cut.
Welcome back to another episode of Quinn wore a blue shirt to work today. Alpha Blokes podcast. We're here to give the everyday battler a voice and delete that noise one laugh at a time. If you're having a beer, make it a better beer. Jogging a can, winning a team, the athlete's choice. CTC, big supporter of ours. The Country Trucker Caps. Yeah, that's what they call them, Pooh.
You go to thecountrycompanies.com if you want to just buy one of theirs or design your own at countrytruckercaps.com. Use the code word ALPHABLOKES for a discount. Now, there's one particular bloke. that normally sends a property in, but we're mixing it up today. We're going to see him in a couple of days' time, the knuckler.
So we're just going to give him a call, ask what he's bringing to the show at AlphaFest because there's a one-of-one item that's going to be pretty sought after, I believe.
I've seen it.
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Chapter 2: What unique items will be available at AlphaFest?
But Alpha Fest this weekend, bro. We've had a chat to Fez. We've had a chat to Buster, mate. We just wanted to have a chat to you. And look, mate, just ask your thoughts on it and ask what you're actually bringing there with your properties. Right, so we've got a couple of activations. Tom, we've got the elusive VIP caps, mate.
I've got a buck and bull machine there, so if you can ride said time... It won't be eight seconds because, fuck, they don't even get cranking by eight. Yeah. But it's just the same. It might be set time at 20 seconds hypothetically. You get a fucking VIP hat. Yeah, good time. So that's fucking ā that's something that I've never, ever offered before because usually it's a one-of-a-kind thing.
You put it on cars or you give it to random people. You know, it's not something that's ever been able to be won before. So ā We've got that activation. We've got our stall, but then I've got Zachy all day. We've got this proper true carry-on cap. Mate, she's ready. Fucking there. It's a stonker. It's got the big flap on the back of it. It's one of one. There'll never be another one again.
Yeah, well, what we might do, we might get you to send a photo of it through After Nucks, and we'll put it up in this episode for anyone watching. Because, yeah, it's a ripper, isn't it? It's a stonker, one of one, big flap. One of one. Big flap on the back, mate.
And so what you're going to do is Zach is going to be in the proper true yarn tent all day taking yarns from all the trendsetters there. And then we're going to pick the best five. Yep. And then we're going to get them to come up on stage and tell their yarn. Then it'll be a panel of us. Yep.
And we vote on, but then we also might even have to fucking turn to the crowd for a bit of fucking work to see too, you know? Well, mate, I think the make the most noise at those events is the easiest way, isn't it? Take it out of your hands and knuckles. I'll hold that big stonker above their head and whoever votes for it the most. Yeah. Screams the loudest. They get the prize.
And I think, too, I might even have a couple of little other proprietary yarn stonkers for place getters. You know, if you've said, you know, but this is a one of one to win. Yeah. There's never been, it'll never be made again. Yep. So all I can say is bring out your best fucking yarns, you cunts. Yeah, 100%, mate.
Look on.
You know, like this. Yeah. No, mate, it's going to be epic. I'm fucking G'd up. Obviously, all of us don't get to come together that often, and it's normally at an event like this. So live show on steroids and then just the tunes after, bro. I can't wait. I'm sick, mate. Knowles is good, mate. The Wolfies.
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Chapter 3: What are the key updates about Cold Brew?
No. Like, I mean, if you always heard about... people climbing into blimps, you would have known what a blimp was. And here's the fucking thing, right? Blimps aren't too popular in CQ. Like I don't see a blimp very often. Never seen one in the wild. And I've never heard of anyone who gets into their blimping either.
Like I've never heard a yarn at the pub that's like, oh, I took the blimp for a run on the weekend. You know what I mean? Wonder if we've got any blimp operators listening. Yeah, run a fucking ring in if you've got your own blimp, if you're a blimp operator. What was the bad fucking Heldenberg fucking blimp disaster? Yeah. It was like fucking thousands of cunts in this thing and it just imploded.
Like what would inspire someone to get into their blimp work? Like as in I feel like there's other alternatives, like a hot air balloon or a plane. Well, I don't think hot air balloons are all that crash hot either. Well, they crash hot a bit. Yeah. When I was down in Bow Desert. doing a bit of pool pebbling, a bit of roofing and, you know, just being a general knockabout. Yeah.
Where a mate of mine lived was, like, the area where the hot air balloons go. And they've got a general area of where they think they're going to land, but they sort of go around all the fucking local hobby farms and, like, just give them a little thing, like, oh, you know, like, hot air balloon could fucking crash into your paddock, don't stress, like...
Yeah, because they can't really fucking control them, right? Mate, to be honest with you, I used to see them and think that would be a very lovely thing to do until I saw a couple of videos, one where it was on fire and people were leaping out of it to get away. And I thought, you know what? I'm pretty happy to die never being in one. Yeah, me too.
Like if Beck really, if that was her like bucket list thing, I'd probably get over it. But it isn't. So I'm quite happy to not do it. No blimping, no hot air ballooning. No, and I didn't even know what a blimp was. So blimps out and just hot air ballooning.
No, obviously.
And don't leave your kids at boat ramps. And don't put them in blimps. No, don't do that. Yeah. You've been in a blimp, Queef. Boys. Hey, what was that? You would have been in a blimp. No. Can't say I have been in a blimp. I don't know if anyone has. Someone would have. Someone's a blimper. Boys, Brandy from the Pilbara here. How you doing? Good, mate. Just a bit of a workplacey.
At the time I was about 21, 22. Yeah, I was a fucking team leader on a mine site, so obviously all the older boys used to fuck with me a fair bit. Harmless shit, harmless yarns, it's all good. But basically one night we were fucking passing around the old VR goggles in the crib room on night shift. And looking around, there was some fucking dinosaur fucking thing.
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Chapter 4: What funny story involves a childhood prank?
No wuckers. Half an hour later, parents come looking for us. You fucking dickheads egged that cunt's house. We couldn't stop smiling. They knew it was us. So coppers turned up, bloody, because he'd called the police on us, bacon and eggs, as we liked to call it. And, yeah, we got away with it, obviously, because my mate's dad went to the cop. Well... My car's got an egg on it.
My front door's got an egg on it. He's got an egg on it. He's got an egg on it. Why would they egg their own fucking house? And we fucking got away with it. Apart from having to wash his brother's car the next day. But yeah. Anyway, see you boy. Time's up.
Yeah, good thinking on egging your own house. Yeah, that's right. That's very smart there. Look, don't pick on P-P-P-Peter. Like, don't egg P-P-P-Peter. Peter the street creeper. Peter's got enough on. You know what I mean? Well, if he was a proper street creeper. Like, if he was a grub that just happened to have a stutter, but he just can't help but be like, oh, man, Peter.
I don't think they were picking on him because of the stutter. No, he sounded like a proper grub. Yeah, so he was just a street creeper. Just a straight street creeper. I like that. I'm going to use that. What? Street creeper. Street creeper. What do you think makes someone a street creeper? Like just being a weirdo. Yeah, like one of them cunts that's hanging around. Wanderer. A wanderer. Yep.
You know, there's always that one odd cunt at the kids' park with no kids. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That is very smart, though. Like, if you're doing that to do yourself, say, like, mate, I'm not going to fucking egg my own car, am I? No. You know, and then you just be real confident. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yep, there you go. Smart. That's eyes up egging.
Look, I don't know that you can't egg in that like you used to. Everyone's got cameras. Nah, man, 100%. Retire it. Literally, these are retired yarns. This is a retired art. From silly people like us. From the 90s and the 80s. You can't do it anymore. There is cameras everywhere. My house has got cameras at the front. Not egging your house this weekend. No, don't do that.
So, yeah, we just wanted to re-edify, do not go egging, rocking or anything above. Does Curious know where you live? I could pick him up and say, come on, let's go egging and say, oh, you're doing that house, I dare you. Then you'll check your video camera and he's Curious George egging your house. Don't take Curious egging. I'm not, I'm not.
Oi, do you know, we've actually had another legend reach out to get Curious in the pit crew out at the next drags out there. So Curious is really going to be furious soon. Them poor bastards don't know what's going to happen. They're all going to be covered in little Curious babies. Mate, they're going to be fucking, but they're his people. Yeah, I know. We're sending him home.
It's like, do you know the good dinosaur? When that little kid's around and then he finally meets up with his thing. But we're not letting him go. It's like a dual thing. We let him go and fucking get covered in rubber and he comes back on.
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Chapter 5: What is body integrity dysmorphia and how does it affect individuals?
I didn't get paid for the recovery. Well, he didn't. No. And so for him, he's just thinking, yeah, he just paid me to cut his leg. He probably... Didn't think it was going to be so gruesome. Yeah. Holy, that's wild, eh? The one at Taz's work has got asked to do it. That's crazy.
This body integrity dysmorphia, rare and deeply distressing condition where a person's mental image of their body is fundamentally conflicts with their physical anatomy. Individuals with BID experience an intense lifelong desire to have a specific limb amputated or to become paralysed. Yeah, okay. Wow. Not me. How many people suffer from that, Quinn? Surely that's pretty rare.
One in every 11,000 to 22,000. Roughly 0.01% of the population. Ring up if you got that or have you known anyone that's got it? Yeah. Jeez. Jesus. That's fucking loose, isn't it? That's a fucking wild yarn. It is. That's fucking jeez. One of the workers being asked to do it. Yeah, yeah.
I wonder if he had a pre-start meeting the next day and said, listen, if you guys get offered to cut someone's limb off for money, don't do it.
Chapter 6: What are the legal implications of performing medical procedures without consent?
Don't do that. Or if you do, here's the paperwork. Make sure they sign it. I don't even think you can do that. Like even if you make them sign something, I'm pretty sure there's laws about performing medical fucking. Yeah, there would be. Yeah. I just mean if you had documentation where they were 100% willing to do it, surely that would help you in court. Maybe. Just don't though.
The person would be declared mentally unfit, I think. Yeah. Like if Quinn signed a thing and said, I want Pooh to shoot me dead, and if I do it, I don't think there's going to be any leniency there. I wouldn't shoot you, Quinn. It might be manslaughter or something. No, it would be. Anyway, don't do it. I won't shoot you, though. There's heaps of other ways to make money.
Don't cut off limbs or kill anyone, even if they want you to. That's right. I wonder if he used Milwaukee, Makita. SP Tools. Yeah, wonder what he used. Don't know. The mysteries. It is. Let's move on, eh? Yeah. Sounds good, Quinn. Ooh. How's it going? All right. On frizz. Frizz, frizz. A little bit of workplace yarn today. Yep. Came over here, played a bit of football. Oh, yeah.
Almost 10 years ago. Little pommy backpacker, some would say. Some still do say. Anyway, I got my truck licence pretty quickly after coming over here and ended up back on the farm. I was excited and keen to make a mile. The boss sends me out the back.
to go and grab some hay hay from the back shed and bring it down to the front shed no worries anyway i'm on my third and final load and heading back to the shed probably 500 meters away smell a bit of something burning a little bit i thought oh i must be being a bit
Hard on the clutch. Anyway, something caught my eye and turned around and the fucking bale next to the headboard, she was roaring.
She was light. A bit too close to the exhaust, they reckon. Anyway, it just fucking accelerated towards the shed and that didn't do it much good. It fucking was like blowing into it with a fucking big... 18-volt fucking blower. And Asa jumped out there and ran over and grabbed the tractor. Fucking hell.
Came and picked that how-about up, and next thing you know, it's fallen between the fucking cab and the... Cab and the truck. And, yeah, within about 30 seconds, she's fucking gone. Explosions like a fucking film. Fuck. Yeah, anyway, that was... That was a pretty cool conversation to have with the boss and the person who lent us the truck.
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Chapter 7: What are the best practices for dealing with fire emergencies in the bush?
Anyway, let it go. Bye. Holy fuck, brother. That is off its head. And that's how quick shit can happen, eh? And then because he's trying to haul ass to go put it out, the old oxygen is just fucking roaring. Then he's lifted it. I don't know why he's lifted it fucking back towards the cab of the truck. Oh, mate. For it to have fallen.
But what he should have done was just fucking ploughed it straight off the side. Don't fuck around. Well, Pooh, I think in that situation he is just absolutely peaking. Yeah, everyone's got to learn in the bush how to fucking deal with fire because you're dead right. They freak out. Same thing when Crispy Mick was on fire. Yeah.
The gun had 20,000 litres of water on board, but he was freaking out about the fire. And, look, I've never been in that situation where I'm just fire sprung upon me. But, you know... It'd be a wild one. Burning's the best part about being in the bush. Burning? Yeah, like burning grass.
Yeah, yeah.
But instead, you know, it's a gateway into shit catching on fire. You do a few big burns, you get a big fucking bundy going. Yeah. You know, you get cruising around in the buggy with a fire bug and then you fucking get hung up on a stump or a stick and fucking fires and you start learning how to work around the fire without panic. Panic's not your friend when there's a fire.
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Chapter 8: What should you know before attending Alpha Fest?
Fire and panic don't go together. No, don't mix them. No. No, it's like tipping fuel on the fire. Panicking? Yeah. Just got to relax. So that's all everyone's got to remember. If you're stuck in a situation, there's fire around you, you think you're going to die, just relax. Well, don't say it like that.
Stay calm. Yeah, okay.
Stay calm. Yep. There you go. Use rational thought process. See, that's the gateway, right? You get stuck on that log. The first time you freak out, but you've got heaps of time. Well, not always. Don't fuck around. So next time if someone's in his exact position, he's put it too close to the exhaust, it's on fire. To go faster fuels it more. It's right at the gap.
If he lifts it up, it's probably going to fall down in the middle. What do you suggest in that scenario for him? Well, it depends how it was loaded, right? I'd be doing a fucking couple of hard, try and do a hard corner and try and flick it off as soon as I've seen it. Yep. Without rolling the truck, of course. Yeah. But when I got to the tractor part, there's no way I'd try and lift it.
Well, maybe you should be sewing towards a hose even. Yep, that's probably, but it depends, man. If it's cranking, hose might not help you. So I'd just be fucking hitting it with the forks and pushing it all off the side.
Can you imagine like the boss too, let's assume he's not there, the phone call to let him know that you haven't just fucked up, you've blown his truck up, that you're borrowing off someone else. Yeah. I remember that the boys fucking, me and another fella, we were in town and the boys weren't meant to light a paddock and they lit the cunt. And it got away from him.
And we said, don't light the cunt. Like, it'll get away from you. They lit the cunt, got away from him. And the young fella, old Toby, rings me up. He goes, I'm going to take the grader up there. I said, don't, cunt. I said, you'll get the cunt bogged. It's been raining. Anyway, half an hour later, get a phone call. Oi, there's a fucking grader's bogged.
And there's a fucking fire roaring towards it. I bet you he wasn't relaxed, Joe. No one was relaxed that way, especially we were three hours away wanting to help. Oh. Oh, we're coming, we're coming. Call the neighbour. Get a tractor. How did it end up? Did the greater get out of there? Yeah, yeah, the neighbour. Shout out to Timmy. Yeah, fucking I've always said that.
Timmy, he's great when there's a fire on, Timmy. He doesn't panic. No, Timmy's a calm, cool operator.
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