Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What interesting yarns do the Trendsetters share?
Trendsetters, we get to do some pretty cool shit here at Alpha Blokes, and without these guys, we wouldn't be able to do it. So listen up.
Chapter 2: What is Knuckles' Proper True Yarn about?
Better beer. Get around some God's nectar in any good bottle shop today. CTC, the arseless hat salesman, and the whole team at CTC have the best range of hats in Australia. So go get around them.
Chapter 3: What hilarious carry-on stories are shared?
SP Tools, the official tool of the Trendsetter, with everything you need to keep your car guy busy. Papa Macros, keeping us all on track at Alpha HQ. Use the code ALPHA for $30 off your first order or ALPHA10 for 10% off reoccurring orders. Port West, if you want to be safe and still look trendy, go and get around Port West. Built tough, just like this community.
And Ned's the book of your choice at Alpha Blokes HQ. Stay Nedly.
I just want to say from the bottom of my heart, I'd like to take this chance to apologise... To absolutely nobody!
The double champ does what the fuck he wants! I need a shit, man.
Die, boy!
Sneaky little rascal.
Safety first. Stay focused. Keep pinging the cup.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another episode of the Alpha Bikes podcast. We are here to give the everyday battler a voice and delete our noise one laugh at a time. And don't worry, I'm still here. And if you're having a beer, make it a better beer. Jogging a can, winning a team, the athlete's choice. That's what they reckon. If you're going to have a hat, have a fucking CTC hat.
That's what hat you should have. Go to thecountrycompanies.com to cop one of the designs read to rumble, countrytruckercaps.com to design your very own. And if you hate paying full price for shit, type in Alpha Blokes. All one word. That's right. One singular word. That's all you've got to do. Don't forget the S. Yeah, don't do that. Not Alpha Bloke. No. No. No, exactly.
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Chapter 4: What wild winning yarns do the hosts discuss?
Have a good day.
Beautiful words there to really get us going this morning from Brett. Lovely stuff. Great one, Brett. Motivating even. Yeah. Yeah. Great stuff. He never ceases to amaze. Nah, he's always just got a good property in store for us, doesn't he? Now, your pick today, Pooh? Yes, sir. Are you excited about that? I am, actually. I've been missing my laptop. I didn't use it for a couple of days.
Well, you're a big laptop guy. Well, I wasn't there for a couple of days, but I'm back now. Yeah. Have you got your mouse? Yeah, I've got my mouse. Yeah. Quinn forgot his laptop yesterday. The whole show, everything we do here revolves around Quinn's laptop and he rolls in and goes, oh, I didn't think I'd need it. What do you mean? You're the tech guy. You can't be teching without your tech.
Rolled in with a fucking crunch cup. Look, mate, we're all only getting back on board full brainwaves.
Yeah, yeah, that's right.
And, you know, riding highs. And, look, it's fine. We got our jobs done yesterday. That's right. We got there in the end. The poo made sure to let him know that he's supposed to bring it. Yeah.
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Chapter 5: What are the funniest moments from the weekend's events?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's a good start. One of the great things that goes on around here, you learn a lot of interesting stuff around Alpha Blokes HQ, but we won't dive into that too much today. No, we won't. No, we won't. Now, before we get to the calls that you can email in, whenever you want, keep it under two minutes like Quinn away says. That's right.
There's an old man that's actually faxed something through. I don't think he could work out how to use his recorder. Was that right, Quinn? That's right. I received it from a stalker this morning from A Buster Kirby, A for Andrew. Is it Andrew? Yeah. I thought he was Anthony for a long time there. Did you? It would have been cooler, wouldn't it? Anthony Buster Kirby?
I'll never call him Andrew anyway. No, neither.
Nah.
Sort of a waste of a first name, really. Yeah. Anyway. Anywho, what is he? This is for me to read up, read to the boys from Andrew. Hey, boys, just a quick note to say congratulations on a huge weekend. You and the team absolutely smashed it out.
i'd do a call but i'm an emotional big unit i'd end up just tearing up tommy from a humble caravan to 5000 alpha faithful tearing sandstone a new ass was absolutely nuts you're one of my best mates i go to war for you and all the boys in our pod family had a bit of a moment side of stage when i was just taking it all in can't write much more as i've got backpackers trying to run a lead out of my meter box to fix their campers up
Then I have to dye my beard so I can keep copycatting my idol Adam.
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Chapter 6: How do the hosts react to listener stories?
Might even shit myself at some point to just really nail it and lock it down. B.S. I spent all weekend looking for this Joe bloke. The search continues. There we go. Oh, thank you, Kurt. Thanks, Andrew. Oh, he finally, he Joe'd me. Yeah, yeah. I was, yeah, it brought a tear to me eye. Because obviously Kerb's like, hey, fucking, I'm not calling everyone Joe with everyone else.
And it's like, mate, we've never asked anyone to call anyone else Joe. It's just what we call each other. He wants to, Joe. He wants to, but it's like you can tell. It's like me and the Shuey thing, right? I've sort of put myself in a spot where it's like I only do it on occasions now.
But, yeah, Kerb in conversation the other day said something like with Joe and I'll just put back your first Joe with like the tear eye emoji. I am. Don't get used to it, Kerb. I had to give him a compliment. Yeah. It took a bit, right? So, you know, he's old and he said, oh, I'm not going to make Bliss an essay. Yeah. I'm too old.
And I didn't exactly know how old they were so at the time I didn't say, they're older than you. Yeah. Anyway, it turns out they are. Well, they're like the same age as him, right? Are they? Yeah. Yeah. But credit to it, we just said, fuck, come on, you silly old fart. Like, we'll get you a fucking set up up there. Yeah, yeah. And then he stayed. And he didn't even want to bop.
Like, he wanted us to think he was hating it and like, oh, keep me up. But he couldn't help himself by the end. He was bopping. He had a great time and he does a great job for the Two Flogs community as well and ours. We're all a big family here, so love you, Kerb. Yeah. Thanks, mate. Love, love, love, love, love, love, love. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, poo. You ready, mate?
Yeah, I've been waiting all morning. Come on, Quinn.
Yeah.
If you have a yarn, please email it to me. Recorded under two minutes, as Tom said earlier. Carryon at alphabokes.com.au is the email. Please ensure you put your full name, postal address, mobile number and shirt size in there. Thank you very much. In case you win. Because that's what we do in this show.
We give away free shit to our community because they're fucking awesome and they help make this show possible.
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Chapter 7: What are the highlights from the Alpha Fest weekend?
And a few of you have been forgetting your number, so we haven't been able to call you. Yeah, and for those guys that we rang previous to Fez and Buster saying, oi, that phone is an absolute joke and there's a repeat after your talk, we've done a tech update from our tech guys and that's all fixed too. All right, ready? Yeah, mate. Let's go. Boys.
Bit of a workplace yarn. This happened a few years ago. I used to work at a dealership and I was a service advisor and they used to come over and you'd book in the first service for the customer and for a new car and the couple who were purchasing the car couldn't connect their phones to the Bluetooth.
Anyway, so said person who'd sold him the car got in, was trying to connect his own phone to the Bluetooth in the car. Nothing was working. He turned the volume up to try and hear anything. He was everything else. Anyway, then his phone suddenly connected.
And the next thing that came out of the car in the dealership was, what I can say politely is, yeah, the porn had been watching on his phone connected to the Bluetooth and started playing through the dealership, through the car. He couldn't work out how to turn it off that quickly, so it played for about 10, 15 seconds of hoya.
Fair to say he was called into the manager's office and, please explain, but it's still to this day one of the funniest things, and I still like to tell this story as a workplace yarn. So, yeah, make sure if you're ever at a dealership, don't connect your Bluetooth while you've still got porn on your phone. Oh, no.
Now, you can imagine, right, it would have been at a pretty rogue spot because you imagine when old mate got out of that on the vinegar stroke, you know, probably at his favourite part. So when it loaded back up again, mate, I reckon it would have been fucking carnage too. It's not like she would have been, oh, mate, would have been fixing the sink, put it that way.
No, no, never finished on that part. Can you Google, Quinn, what's the most popular porn category at current? Like right now? Worldwide? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I reckon. I wonder what it would be. Tell your guess before I. I reckon it's either squirters or anal. Lesbian? I'm going squirter. Teen as in teenager too. Well, that's three years ago. 2026, if you may. 2026.
Top five porn categories in January 2026 are lesbian, MILF, Japanese, teen, 18+, and hentai. Hey, I'm not a fan of any of those. Well, lesbian, you're not a fan of that? No. Yeah, right. I mean, I don't have anything against lesbians, don't get me wrong, but it's not what I searched. Lesbian was the most viewed category on Pornhub in 2025. That's because people are getting softer, mate.
They can't finish if they can see a dick. They might just like seeing two chicks. They can't finish. Adam. Well, you reckon that's soft, is it? You fucking pussy. What, you don't like looking at a big sword? Every now and then you get the real big ones, pretend it's yours, you know. Yeah, right. Yeah. Yep. Well, there you go. Yeah. Yuck. Yuck.
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Chapter 8: What unexpected events occur while driving?
Yeah, that cost you a couple of points, Joe. Oi, imagine fainting while there's a rake attached to your foot. That's not cool. Like obviously you said it wasn't there before. Are you a blood fainter? Nah. Nah. I did spew once when I fucking, back in the day, I was only a teenager or whatever, and we were out shooting and I split my eye on the scope and fucking like felt a bit.
But it was only because the other kid in the car was spewing, looking at my eye.
Yeah, yeah.
And I started to see it and there was blood and I was like, oh, fuck. That's sympathy spiel. But then I sort of felt crook, but I didn't faint. Yeah. What about the poor bastards who faint in the delivery room? Missed the childbirth. Yeah, like there's a full segment you can watch on that. Yeah. Of them like falling over, hitting their head, and then they end up in a fucking bed in another room.
Well, there's heaps of fathers in this community. Ring in if you're a fainter. Like if you fainted during the fucking action of childbirth. Or if you've had any accidents. Similar, yeah. Yeah, fainting or fucking get hurt in a fight. Imagine that, though, at the end of it. He's just got a couple of punches in his foot from a thing and he's in the fucking ambulance.
Like you'd be thinking, fuck's sake. And that whole having foreign bodies in you, that's a concerning factor of life. Yeah. All right, thanks for that, Toe Boy.
Thanks, mate. Hey, boys, how are you? It's one night here. I've got a fucking shit and squirt and egg and fucking mooch and yarn for you. I recall my brother, he had to go to the office when he was about 15. He got caught egging his teacher's house. Oh, Mr. Letts, I can fucking bet me fucking left snarling nut that he wouldn't be listening to this podcast. But anyway, he was a good teacher.
And then me two other mates got done one night. Don't condone this, grubs, but fucking funny to hear about. One of them decided to shit in his shirt and hide it behind his TV at one of the house parties. And then me cousin Jacko thought it'd be a good idea to fill a water pistol up. With his fucking piss and going squirted around all the room. Anyway, there's a yarn for yous.
Fucking hope yous had a good weekend because hopefully I met yous all and yeah. Fucking keep up the squirting, mooching, pissing, fucking squirting yarns. Love yous. Catch ya.
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