Show notes
I'm Really Not Good Enough And I don't have to be a perfectionist and have every bloomin' thing just right When you get to let go of that life becomes a pleasure and you can look forward to simply just getting better each day and enjoying the process. And talking of processes I have one here in this episode so jump in it's not that long of an episode. Do you have that old limiting belief of "I'm not good enough", most of us do somewhere in our lives? And when we begin to understand the positive intention behind that belief and the conflict it's causing now things tend to change - for the better and that's where we are going today. It's a subject you will find in past episodes here and no doubt in the future = see if this resonates with you. Please share: https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/365-im-really-not-good-enough/ Shine brightly Paul Please remember you can leave a comment or email me with questions, requests and feedback. 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There are no paragraphs, it's a straight transcript so it will annoy the connoisseurs of English prose :O) Overcoming the "I'm Not Good Enough" Mindset Paul Clough talks about letting go of I'm not good enough Speaker A: Hey, I'm really not good enough. Well, the thing is, there's a pain of trying to be your best, to be perfect. And there's a pleasure of experiencing life being your best and striving to be better. Speaker B: It. Speaker A: And I think I might have a little tip. Well, I know I've got a little tip. A process that'll help you find that and let go of I'm not good enough. I don't have to be a perfectionist anymore. Okay, have a listen after this. Speaker D: Hey, my friend, a longer podcast, it's all about just like the title says, I'm really not good enough. Speaker A: And, I know you're not good. Speaker E: Enough because we've talked about it before. Speaker A: You'll never, ever, ever be good enough. Speaker D: And I'll tell you for why. Speaker E: Tell you for why in a minute. Speaker A: Now, this may resonate with you, and it may not. Speaker D: I don't know a lot of people. Speaker A: When they have the belief that I'm. Speaker D: Not good enough, and there's an awful lot of us around because that seems to be a belief that generalizes from another belief. And we'll go through that nearer the end of the podcast, give you a. I'll give you an example of a. Speaker E: Client of mine and my son. Speaker D: But anyway, this is the thing that. Speaker A: Might resonate, because. Speaker D: I speak to clients. Speaker A: And the clients say, oh, I have this belief I'm not good enough. Speaker D: And I would sometimes just say, well, do you have to be perfect? By the way, are you a perfectionist? And the most, the most of them. Speaker E: Will say, yeah, I do, I have to be perfect. Speaker D: Everything I do. And see, when someone tells me that. Speaker A: And they have the belief of I'm. Speaker E: Not good enough, I can see there's. Speaker A: A wonderful thing your unconscious mind is. Speaker B: Doing. Speaker E: In its attempt to protect you from the pain of not being good. Speaker A: Enough, which is a conflict already, isn't it? Speaker D: I'm going to protect you from the pain of, literally, in going into an event or doing something in any context, protect you from that feeling of not. Speaker A: Being good enough by giving you the. Speaker D: Belief you're not bloody good enough. That's a conflict in itself, because the. Speaker A: Two things are, and the feeling that you have with that, that feeling that I'm not good enough. Not only the belief, but I get that feeling. And, because of that, and this. Speaker D: Is where the kicker comes in. Speaker E: Because of that, you have to be your best. Speaker A: And it's not only your best, you. Speaker D: Have to be better than everyone else, don't you? Speaker A: Which is that thing of, I have to be perfect. Everything has to be perfect, or. Speaker B: I don't do it. Speaker E: I hide. Speaker A: Because if I hide, I'm still protecting you. If I'm your best friend, I'm, your unconscious mind. If I can pull you away from. Speaker D: That so you don't do it. Speaker A: Well, you won't get that feeling of I'm not good enough. But guess what? Speaker E: You bloody feel not good enough when. Speaker D: You'Re hiding from it, because deep inside. Speaker A: You can't Fudge yourself. You know, it doesn't feel good. Speaker D: It's the same bloody feeling, isn't it? Speaker A: Same bloody feeling of not feeling good enough when you're not doing it. And, when you're trying to be a perfectionist, which, by the way. Speaker D: You never will be. It's so bloody tiring, isn't it? Speaker E: Putting so much effort into making sure that you're good enough. But the thing is, you never will be. You never will be good enough because. Speaker D: You can't be perfect. And, one of my metal views. Matt: Trying to be your best is where the pleasure comes from Speaker A: On this little note, I said, there's. Speaker E: A pain of being your best or. Speaker A: Trying to be your best. Speaker D: But there's also the pleasure of being. Speaker A: Your best when you know that you've. Speaker D: Done your best, and that's the difference. Speaker A: So does that mean. Speaker D: Does that mean if I've got this. Speaker A: Belief, if I'm not good enough, which. Speaker D: Means something below that is going on, but also have this pain of being. Speaker A: A perfectionist and, know, every time I look at the bloody thing I've done, I know it's not perfect. So that only bloody reinforces I'm not. Speaker E: Good enough, doesn't it? Because you've done your best, but you. Speaker A: Know yourself, you haven't been perfect, so. Speaker E: You'Re not good enough. Speaker D: So are you doomed? Speaker A: Are you doomed forever? Speaker D: Are you doomed for failing? Speaker B: No. Speaker E: You see, the effect of failing can. Speaker D: Be sort of good if you view it in the right way. Speaker A: Because what does striving do? I'm striving to be my best, which means I have an intention to be my best, which means I've got the confidence in trying. I don't like the word driving, but striving, I love striving. Striving to be my best. And when I do that, I will be the best version of me at. Speaker D: This moment in time. Speaker A: Maybe that thing I was trying to. Speaker D: Do is a little elusive. Speaker A: Maybe I haven't quite got all the. Speaker E: Skills, but by being my best, I. Speaker A: Can learn from that. Speaker D: So that's not failing. Speaker A: NLP presuppositions, useful assumptions. Speaker D: There is no such thing as failure. There's only feedback. Speaker E: And when we use failure as a. Speaker D: Feedback mechanism, we learn. And the next time we go a little bit better. Speaker A: And, we could stretch and strive a little bit more because we're always. Speaker E: Being our best and that's where the pleasure comes from. Speaker A: So maybe I didn't quite get that, but I'm really so proud of myself. Speaker D: Because I did my best. And, that really gets results, doesn't it? Because sometimes when you strive to be your best, you can achieve more than you thought. Still not perfect. Speaker A: Because if it was perfect, by the. Speaker D: Way, it'd be bloody boring. Really would be boring. Wouldn't it be so boring? Oh, everything I do is so good. Speaker A: No reason to be any better. Of course, there is personal development unplugged. Speaker D: It's all about getting that raw sense. Speaker A: Of, I can do a little bit more each day, a little bit more. Speaker E: Each time I do something, and it will be good enough. Speaker A: Don't know why I did that. Speaker E: Good enough for those who couldn't see it. Speaker A: I did inverted commas in with that funny hand signal. Speaker B: Yeah. Speaker E: Because you can be proud of who. Speaker D: You, are and what you did. Speaker A: Knowing you can be proud of yourself. You're going to get better in the future. Speaker E: And, that, to me, feels so good, you're recognizing that, in fact, that was good enough. Speaker A: Because if you've done your best, you can't do anymore. Speaker D: And if you've done your best, that's good enough, isn't it? Speaker A: That's not, oh, that's good enough. Speaker E: No, that's good enough. Speaker D: There's enough good in that because I can't do any better. I worked, as a coach for this, this lady. She was top, top, top notch in her job. Speaker E: And she was still struggling with I'm not good enough. Speaker A: Even though she'd excelled in every time she went to school, every certificate she took, she took all exams, medical exams. She did this and this, that, and she was top. But she still didn't feel good enough because her unconscious mind wouldn't let her feel good enough because it wasn't perfect. Because she had to be perfect. Because you know why? Below that belief of I'm not good enough was I'm stupid. And her unconscious mind didn't like that. Speaker D: Feeling of being stupid in front of people. So it said to her, of. Speaker A: A sort, by those behaviors and feelings it gave her, no, you're going to. Speaker D: Have to be the better, Matt. Speaker A: WE're going to have to strive to be perfect. Because if we're perfect, no one can call us stupid. Speaker D: And I just said to her, well. Speaker E: What would happen if that belief and. Speaker D: That feeling was to disappear? And she well, that'd be marvelous. Speaker A: That'd be absolutely awesome. Speaker E: But I said, if that disappeared, though. Speaker D: And in its place, you used all. Speaker E: That bloody energy to access what you know and just do your best. Speaker D: How. Son achieved 80% when he lived with me, dad says Speaker A: Would you have done? And she said, when I think about. Speaker D: It, I'd have done everything I've done. Speaker E: Already and be proud of myself because I should be. Speaker A: I should be proud of what I've done. Speaker D: And I wasn't, and now I am. Speaker A: Everything changed. Speaker D: That was just that little reframe. And her unconscious mind goes, M. Yeah, I, get it now. Alternative. All the energy, like when we're in. Speaker A: The flow, when we're doing the stuff that we love. Speaker D: Because she loved doing this stuff. Speaker E: When she's in the flow, it was. Speaker A: If time stood still, she just did the best. Speaker D: And she had that pleasure of being. Speaker E: Her best, and so can you. Speaker D: And the thing is, sometimes it's just recognizing that conflict. And you recognize, well, things will not be perfect, my son. I won't tell you which one. I've got three. They'll know. He had to be perfect. He did so much trying to be so into everything he did, whether it was health, whether it was work, everything had to be perfect. Speaker A: And he would, come back. Speaker D: He said, live with me. Speaker A: And when he lived with me, he'd come back. Speaker D: God, dad, it was a terrible day. Speaker B: What's the matter? Speaker E: Well, everything was going so well. Speaker A: I did this, this and this and. Speaker D: This, he said, and then I ruined my diet because I ate a little. Speaker A: Bit of a hamburger. Speaker D: Not a lot, just a little bit. Speaker A: And, ah, that ruined everything. Speaker E: Like a. Whoa. Speaker D: What about all that other stuff you said? Yeah, that doesn't count, though. And then over the years, because. Speaker A: Initially I just said, well, if that was 100%, what would happen if you. Speaker D: Tried to only achieve 90%? Now, most people find it difficult to achieve 90% unless they put their mind to it. Sometimes we just drift down a little bit. Speaker A: HE said, well, I suppose I could do 90%. Speaker E: And I knew he was going to. Speaker A: Achieve that because he would come back and go, 93% today, Dad. I, smashed it. Speaker D: I had a little blip, but I smashed it. He did the same day, it was. Speaker E: Exactly the same type of day, and. Speaker D: It was chalk and cheese. Speaker A: One where he stayed motivated, one where. Speaker D: He was demotivated, he didn't want to do it anymore. Speaker A: And he since changed it again. Speaker D: He's now gone on to an, 80% because he feels when he's doing. Speaker A: 80%, he can allow for the fudges. Speaker E: Now and again, but he always knows. Speaker D: That 80% will keep him at that level. Speaker E: And then he can spur, he can. Speaker A: Do a little bit more, but he'll always be there. And because he aims at 80%, I. Speaker D: Guarantee you he's always in 85 to. Speaker E: 90 because he doesn't rest, at. Speaker B: 80. Speaker D: It'S this or something better, but. Speaker A: I'm going to do just a little. Speaker D: Bit more than 80. Speaker E: And then he's always doing it. Speaker A: And more importantly, I think he's enjoying. Speaker E: It because he's using all these skills. Speaker A: And see what happens is, and this. Speaker D: Is the trick that he understands now but didn't. Then one day you get your 80%. Speaker A: And you might think, ah, that's not so good. Speaker D: But that, 80% filled out his. Speaker A: Experience because there was no pressure on him. So he was learning and enjoying things. And when you enjoy things with a positive emotion, you learn better, you do better, and you've got more energy. Speaker E: So a week later, when he was. Speaker A: Going for his 80%, well, that 80%. Speaker D: Was actually not the same 80% as in the past. It was a bigger, 80%. Speaker A: If you can get bigger 80% compared to the other 80%, it was 85%. Speaker D: But it still was 80 for him. So he's still getting that, but he's still improving every day, stretching and enjoying. Speaker A: It, having the pleasure of being his best. Paul Cluff talks about consciously and unconsciously recognizing conflict Speaker A: So sometimes we've talked before how we can simply, consciously and unconsciously recognize a. Speaker B: Conflict. Speaker D: When we say to ourselves, well, just recognize, okay, I've got this feeling. I've got this belief of I'm not. Speaker E: Good enough, okay, I'm not going to. Speaker D: Do anything about it, not yet. But I just want to ask myself a question. Speaker A: And when I ask myself a question. Speaker D: You'Re asking your unconscious mind. I wonder, what are the better ways? What better ways could I use, employ, could I believe? What better beliefs could I have? Speaker A: What better emotions could I have? What better skills could I employ? Speaker D: The ones I've got that I'm not using? And what better behaviors, what, physiology. Speaker A: Would be better if I acted as. Speaker D: If all that stuff. What would happen if I used that and let go of that, either overwhelm that anxiety? I wonder if I could do that. What results would I get? Would it be better? Speaker C: And you can see by just thinking. Speaker A: About that, you know it's going to be better. But just to reinforce that, you go. Speaker D: Well, let's remember a few times in the past, and it doesn't matter what context, by the way, don't it be. Speaker A: The same context of the issue you're thinking about? Speaker D: What counterexamples in my Life can I find? Speaker A: And a counterexample is a time in. Speaker D: The past when you were, enjoying life. Speaker A: You were being your best, and you. Speaker E: Were maybe just in the flow and. Speaker D: You were getting it. And if you can write them down. Speaker A: Always write these buggers down. Write them down. You can come back to them. But when you write them down, you. Speaker D: Got to look at that bloody Memory. You got to form the Words in your head. Speaker A: You got to write those Words that are in your head on that paper. Look at them again. Do they match the Words that you Were Thinking? And do those words match the picture you just made? Speaker D: And when you've got all of that, you Just, relived It In Every. Speaker A: Modality you See, because you get that feeling again. And as you get that feeling of. Speaker D: That, when you're just in the flow. Speaker E: Doing with just, like that, carefree. Speaker A: Attitude, not careless or anything like that. Speaker E: But you just, I do care, but. Speaker D: I'm just doing it. What belief did you have about yourself? Speaker A: I Bet It's Got something like, I. Speaker D: Can Do This, I've got This, we're okay. And you say to your Unconscious mind, you did that with me. Which one is better than the Old way of thinking? I'm not good enough with that fear. Speaker E: The anxiety, the overwHelm, or that One. Speaker A: And if you do two, three or four of those counterexamples, it's going to. Speaker E: Like, tip the balance, it's going to. Speaker A: Flood over the old way and your unconscious mind is going to go, oh. Speaker E: Bloody L. Let's give it a go. Speaker A: And I think you'll find just naturally. Speaker D: Things will change. Speaker A: Naturally, your unconscious mind will start to do different things. And the thing is, if you go to hashtag three, I think it's 330. Speaker D: I talked about a new positive mindset, so you might, might want that in there as well, just to give you that oomph. and with that, if you go to my, free hypnosis, the tracks. Speaker A: There, you look for hashtag three three 0.1, which will be the new positive mindset. And you go through hypnosis. Speaker E: So listen to that and do that and you'll find. Speaker A: And that makes a difference. Speaker D: How do you get those free hypnosis? Well, if you've been here before, you. Speaker A: Know, but I'll repeat it for someone. Speaker D: Who'S new, it's paulcluffonline.com podcast sign up. You get 60 free NLP and hypnosis, free tracks. Speaker E: They're all free. Speaker A: Complimentary is a better way to put it. Speaker D: Putting it. Speaker B: Speak English, Fluffy. Speaker E: And you go there, get the track, have a listen. Speaker A: Now, if these things are too big, by the way, if you think this. Speaker D: Thing is really giving me, I've done this because this will help whatever happens. Speaker A: But if you find this is an issue that's a little bit, just a little bit too overwhelming for you, you need a hand? Speaker D: Because sometimes we do, which is why I do therapy. Speaker A: Go and see a therapist. Speaker D: Do one to one, in my view. Speaker A: You get a great hypnosis or hypnotist. Speaker D: You get Master Prak, NLP master Prak, timeline therapy. Speaker A: You get someone who can get all. Speaker D: Those three skills, man. Speaker A: You're going to get done and seen. Speaker D: And sorted really, really quickly. Two, three sessions, boom. Paul Unplug: Get unconsciously to the root cause of problems Speaker D: And you can just eliminate it because. Speaker A: You go to the root cause, because if it's something, sometimes it's just a. Speaker D: Reframe, like I did with that lady. Or maybe I've worked with other people. Speaker A: Who just need to go a little bit more and get unconsciously to the root cause. So your, unconscious mind can learn. Speaker D: At the unconscious level and then make. Speaker A: Those changes, because it's the learnings which allow you to be free. So learnings will mean you don't need the emotions, because that emotion is just the trigger. Speaker D: Well, once we've learned it, we don't need that trigger anymore, and then we. Speaker A: Can access the new stuff, and a therapist will take you all through that. And, you know, I think if you look at one of my earlier podcasts and it's way, way, earlier, what to expect from a therapist, I think it's called. Speaker D: That gives you an idea. I've also got one or two other. Speaker A: Ones, which is about my love of NLP and hypnosis. Speaker C: You can hunt through those in the. Speaker E: Back catalog, but please do that, have. Speaker A: A think, get those, whatever you do. Speaker D: Get those counterexamples going, because it's so bloody doable. It really is. Speaker E: Because there's always a better way, an. Speaker D: Easier way, and just because it's. Well, let's call it a more simple way. Speaker A: Because sometimes it's easy and simple. Speaker D: But you put. I say that again, you have to put effort in. It's not about just knowing. Speaker A: It's the action you take on the. Speaker D: Information that you know, doing what you. Speaker A: Know, and knowing what you do, mastery. Speaker D: And then you will have the pleasure. Speaker A: Of, being your best and then. Speaker D: Knowing that you'll be a little bit better every day. Speaker A: Because, as we say, whatever you think. Speaker E: You are, you're actually more than that. Speaker D: All you have to do is find it. Speaker A: I hope I sort of made sense there. Speaker D: I just want you to be your. Speaker A: Best, be the best version of yourselves. So if you have, please share this with people. Just give them an idea. Because as you share it with people, you'll realize how much you, took in and. Or maybe there's bits that you miss or you have to come back. Maybe you've made some notes on this so you can just go through those to refresh your memory, to start doing those counterexamples to thinking of new ways. And with all the other back catalogs, there's things you can imagine how you want to be and things like that. It'll be great for you. So please do share. And if you share the podcast with people, that would be super awesome, too. Remember, just as you look on that thing that you either watching or listening on, there's always a subscribe button. If you'd have just pressed that once, that would be awesome, because that'll just help the podcast grow in its sort of popularity, but it would get it to more minds, put it that way, more minds. And if we can get more minds thinking that they can be a little bit better every day, it will make such a difference to them, to you, because you will infect and affect them, and they will do the same to you and others. The ripples of change will go so far and wide that you'll never know how far they go, but they will. So please do that. Have more fun than you can stand. And if you want to give me, if there's something in here you say I didn't understand, or can you just twist it a little bit, Paul, because there's a different type of topic I'd like to, do a little bit more with. Send me an email. Personal? No, it's feedback. [email protected]. Lots of things there. But if you just go to the website personaldevelopmentunplug, um.com, there's a contact and all that stuff, you can do it any way you like. Paul Clough: It's time to fly on your own Speaker D: Okay? Speaker A: Have more fun than you can stand, because it's time to fly. Bye bye now. See you later. Speaker B: Warren. You are now leaving the unclothed mine, Paul Clough. It's time to fly on your own. Be brave, my friend. Speaker D: Personal development unplugged.