Show notes
How To Be Heard When No-one's Listening Listen to Be Heard: Transforming Conversations & Connections Hey, do you ever feel like you're just *not being heard*? It's that feeling that no matter how much you try to express yourself, it just doesn't seem to land. It's something we all face, because, deep down, we all crave that feeling of being listened to and understood. But here's the secret: it's not really about how loudly we speak; it's about how deeply we listen—starting with listening to ourselves. In today's episode, we're peeling back the layers on the art of communication and discovering how you can finally be heard by others in a way that resonates. I'll be sharing some personal insights and real-life moments that taught me just how powerful true listening can be. And we'll be looking at some of the biggest hurdles that get in our way—like that pesky inner voice that tells us we're not worth it, or that whispers doubt when we try to connect. But here's the thing: *we can change that.* Here's what we'll be diving into today: 1. **The Real Barrier to Being Heard: Your Own Inner Voice.** Sometimes, the biggest obstacle to being heard isn't the person in front of us but the voice in our own head. I'll walk you through some of the ways I've learned to quiet this inner chatter, and how you can start asking yourself better questions to shift your perspective. 2. **The Power of Questions in Communication.** Have you ever thought about how you phrase the questions in your mind? Not just questions to others, but the ones you ask yourself. We'll explore how asking the right questions can instantly improve how you connect with people, making them more receptive and engaged in the conversation . 3. **How Listening Is the Key to Being Heard.** Yep, you heard it right! The art of listening can make others listen to you, too. When you practice becoming an attentive listener, it opens the door for more meaningful exchanges—and in a way, they can't help but want to listen to you in return. **What You'll Walk Away With:** - **Practical Steps for Better Communication.** I'll give you the tools to ask yourself the right questions, so you can engage others without the strain of feeling unheard. - **The Role of Self-Reflection and Visualization.** By pausing to reflect on what you need out of a conversation and envisioning that outcome, you'll start noticing your words resonate more. - **How Vulnerability and Genuine Curiosity Create Stronger Connections.** It's amazing how, when you show a real interest in others, those walls between you start to fall, building the foundation for truly rich relationships. By the end of this episode, you'll have a toolkit to not only be heard but to hear others in a way that's deeply enriching. It's all about stepping out of your own way, letting go of those old barriers, and embracing a fresh, straightforward approach to communication. Ready to transform the way you connect with others? Let's dive in. Link to share, please pay it forward https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/416-how-to-be-heard-when-no-ones-listening Shine brightly, Paul *P.S. Remember, I'd love to hear from you! Drop a comment or email me with your thoughts, questions, or feedback at [email protected]. And if this episode resonates, please share it with others and subscribe to stay connected.* If you want to subscribe to the podcast (I know you do) click here to learn more Or simply click here to go straight to Apple Music / iTunes to subscribe OR leave a review Remember for my specially designed programs for developing Supreme Inner Confidence, Free Your Life of Anxiety and specialize Hypnosis tracks go to PaulCloughOnline.com If you want to access my FREE HYPNOSIS tracks go to paulcloughonline.com/podcast Follow and inter-react on twitter @pcloughie I'm a therapist but not your therapist The information with this website or online work, techniques and exercises provided within these free and paid products are for educational purposes only. Do not use the techniques or exercises contained within some of these free or paid products whilst driving or operating machinery, or if you suffer from epilepsy, clinical depression or any other nervous or psychiatric conditions. 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Why not look for me and the podcast on SPOTIFY AND the app Castbox I'm also in iHeart radio YouTube - copy n paste UC3BlpN4voq8aAN7ePsIMt2Q into search bar The Libsyn podcast page http://personaldevelomentunplugged.libsyn.com tunein, learnoutloud, Google Play Music Music by Wataboi from Pixabay, Music by DreamHeaven from Pixabay, Music by ccjmusic from Pixabay, , Music by freegroove pixabay seduction-jazz-112149 from Pixabay, Music by prazkhanal Pixaby ventura-117073 from Pixabay, And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism Do you ever feel that you're not being listened to Do you ever feel that you're not listened to, that you're not being heard? And we all want to be heard, don't we? We all want to be listened to. Well, I've got some examples of what happens, and I've got some answers of how we can be heard, how we can be. How we can be listened, and how we can use it to become the best version of ourselves. Okay, that's of interest. Take a listen. T his is Personal Development Unplugged, with Paul Clough. In simplicity, there is genius. In simplicity, there is genius. Just want you to know this. The answers are always hiding in plain sight. And this is for me. Well, sort of the intention of this episode is to remind me to do something, to get out of my own way. M. Maybe. And I think, well, let me. Let me do this. Let me do this. Have you heard. Have these words ever come from your lips? You just don't get it. Are you listening to me? Are you actually listening to me? What is it about it? What don't you understand? What? Why? How many times does that get said? You know, have you said it? How have you said it? I don't know. Or is it just me? It can't just be me, can it? Is this episode just about the things that. Well, maybe, you see, maybe this is all about me. This is me sharing my personal stuff all the time. Now, I've decided to try to go that way more because I think what one person experiences, so many other people do too. So if, as I go through this, maybe it'll just resonate a little deeper with you. And then when we get to the solutions, because we're always going to find solutions somewhere, maybe they'll resonate too. You see, you say that out loud. You don't get it. No, you're not. You're not listening. But then there's that bloody inner voice that we have in there where we start commenting on this. A commentary. Well, I've never. They never listen to me. Why are they never listening? Why that? Why don't they. What? Why fuck, me? No one understands me. And, why don't they. To get that. Never had that again. Or that could just be me. Maybe you don't swear. And then we get to the next bit of that. That internal voice with again, where we start to share some limiting beliefs that, we've come up with because of this. The things like, well, I must be stupid. I must be stupid. You know, no one's. You know, and it's just not worth it not worth. Not worth it. And in fact, because of that, I'm not worth it. Now, that's so general, isn't it? They're all so general. Got nothing to do with this at all, really. Because guess what? None of that is actually true, is it? Because people do listen. You're not stupid. You are worth it. So it's not true. Now, here's the problem I have, and I think it's true. When you say those sort of things to yourself, said it before, there's only one person listening to you, and that's your unconscious mind. And, by saying those things, I'm never listened to. No one understands me. I'm stupid, not worth it. It's like you're reinforcing those bloody things and your unconscious mind, your best friend, your servant, no, not a servant, likes to serve you because it's you says, oh, if that's what you really think, I'll find you some examples to make it seem even truer. And, you do, and it just perpetuates. And, this keeps going on, doesn't it? And you see, all those things are just shit questions and shit statements. Why are they shit? Well, ask yourself, how good are they working for you right now? I'll ask myself. Well, that's what I ask myself. I'm not asking you, asking me how good are they working for me. When I say things like that, even on the outside, with my outside voice or that internal voice of mine. And it's not bloody working, is it? Because, again, I'm not communicating. I'm not sharing what I know. I'm not. It's just not helping. And it gets worse, doesn't it? I talk to myself, by the way. Yeah, it gets worse because of those type of things. How do I get others to listen to me? I've got some questions This was getting to me because I wanted to be able to be listened to, to be heard. So I sat down and had a little think. I want to share with you just a couple, a couple of ways how I'm overcoming this so I can be heard, so I can share the things that I feel are important. And, maybe people will. Well, if nothing, if they don't understand it, they might understand me better. And I'm going to do it in reverse order. What does that mean? Well, these bonky, shitty statements and questions we're asking ourselves, you see, we ask better questions, don't we? That would be the way. Stop asking bonky questions and be more intentional. What do you really want? Because if I'm going to say I'm never listened to, that's not really going to get me anywhere, is it? If I'm telling myself I'm stupid or not worth it, it's not going to get me anywhere. What do I really want? What's my intention? Well, if my intentions to be heard, maybe just ask myself, how can I get better, at communicating? What a question. How can I say or ask things differently? Now you can think those and you go, oh, well, maybe I could, you know, think about what I'm going to say first. Maybe just, I don't know, maybe contemplate, pause, breathe, all that stuff. But there are better questions. And the thing is, I believe, and this is what I try to do now is I get my little old puzzle book out. Me piece of paper, me pen, and it doesn't take long. I just quietly write these type of questions down. And I'll muse and I'll think, how, how can I say things differently? What do I want to communicate? There was my intention for communicating these things communic. What was my intention for saying these things? And it's because I want to get a better connection with people. I, know that. And I really do want to get that connection. I do really want to share what I feel and what I think. Now once I get that on paper, I can now really get my unconscious mind as well to think. Because having written it down, it's like my internal voice. I'm looking at the words I write, everything goes inside. And my unconscious mind can actually start to think about it too. You know, what do I do? How could I be listened to? How can I be listened to? What can I do to be listened differently? Is it my posture? Is it my voice? Is it my. You know, there's things which are going on which are, doing things. How can I just say things differently? Maybe it's a different set of words. Maybe I've got to think about that other person. And I don't like the word make. But what would make others listen to me? So how could I maybe. How could I get others to listen to me? I've got the answers to that and it's a bit weird. So that's the second part. But I'm not there yet. I'm still on my questions. So how can I say things differently and still and, be understood better? And I know I'm not stupid. So how, if I was to imagine it, how would I want those things to be? Those, those events to be? How would I like to be there? Maybe that's part of the answer in number two in a moment. But maybe I could learn something by just thinking how I want it to be One thing. What got me was I said, I wrote down. Is what I'm saying worth it? No, the obvious answer to that as well. It's obviously worth it to me. But then I turn it on its head. What's it worth to the other person? And, why should they listen? And then to get motivation, it hit me a little bit, said, well, what would it be like? I'll say that bit more clearly. What would it be like if I was understood? If I was seen and what. And I was heard? What would that be like? What opportunities would it give me? How would my connection grow? That gives me motivation to start thinking again. You know, how can I say things differently? How can I say. Say things in a way that it would be valuable to that other person to share something. Maybe it's just to share it with me, but to say it in a way that got them to feel what I feel, that they would actually listen to me. And that's the thing about this thing about listening to me. We go back to the second part that I thought of, which was like, number one of they're not listening to me. The first part I've dealt with all the internal voices, ish. Just got to come up with the answers. But the start is to think about it, to visualize it. But how do I get people to listen? And I, ask myself the question, what about you, Cluffy? What about you? Do you really listen to others? The old two ears and one mouth came to mind. Do I really listen? Got me. Because I was more interested in me, what I had to say. To really listen to somebody is to. And, uh, when I say listen, I wasn't thinking about the other person that much, was I? I mean. And, when I say listen, and I've talked about listening before in episodes, I can't remember which ones, but there's. To really listen to somebody is to. And there's a knot in here. Not listening with half a mind of what you're going to be saying next. You're knowing what you want to say and waiting for that gap. And you effectively disregard anything they've bloody said because you haven't listened to it. You just waited for a gap in their conversation to go, but, no, but this is what it should be. Now, that's not listening, is it? You're still listening to yourself, by the way. This is not you, me. I'm still listening to myself when I do that. So it's really a matter of getting out of your way. This is one of the notes I made. Step out of your way. Because if you really want to be heard, maybe you just have to listen more clearly, more openly. So stop that talking to yourself of what you want to say and really listen. Because I thought about this, and people say. And it makes sense to me now, if you want to be heard and, listened to. Become a good listener. Not to. No, no, fuck that. Not a good listener. Become. Become a great listener. Pay attention. Pay attention with only them, that person in mind. And what happens when you do that? Well, things happen, don't they? You begin to understand that person better. You may not agree, but at least you understand where they're coming from. Maybe because of your open mind and I think even more importantly, and this is what you want for you, this is what I want for myself. They will feel understood because I want to feel understood. And if I really listen to them and they feel understood, guess what happens in that wonderful act of rapport? They will respond. They will. They, will respond by listening to you. Just like you listen to them. Oh, blimey, isn't that the thing to do? Because it's that thing when you really listen to somebody. You. You somehow get to be in their shoes. If you're really open, with no thought of your own. Just a. I want to just say to yourself, I've got time. I want to understand you. And because of that, you will then talk to them in a different way. Now, here's the thing. Just a quick one. Just come to my mind. Listen to yourself sometimes. Get out of your way. Just listen to yourself, and maybe you'll understand yourself better. You'll talk to yourself better. You'll ask better questions. Oh, there we go. Get those questions again. And when you really listen to yourself better, who are you listening to? Your conscious mind and your unconscious mind. You know, you're maybe thinking about the better questions you can ask yourself now. Because you know what your intention is, what you want. When you listen to yourself. Maybe it's that personal issue that you're going through, and you need to listen to yourself openly, not have that one thing in mind. But no, I want to listen to myself. Set myself some good questions so I can find some bloody great answers. And then I can try them on. Try them on either with visualization, but when you visualize, try, on to see what it feels like. So see what you'll see, hear what you'll hear. And feel the bloody feelings. And if it feels good, you go, this m. Is something I can work on. And then maybe you'll share it with somebody and maybe when they talk or they share themselves with you, you'll listen better and you'll learn more. It's all about learning, isn't it? And then acting upon those learnings. And, when we do that, isn't it a wonderful thing to give time to people just to listen? And maybe we just use it as a skill to start off with, just want to listen, get myself out the bloody way. You know, it's counterintuitive. If you really want to be heard, you got to listen better yourself. And then you become a better you. That's the thing. What I thought is important about this. It's not important or as important. No, get the other way around, Cloughie. It's important to be heard, but it's not as important to be a better you. And that better you. You know, in some ways, listening is like a selfless service. But you are going to get something in return. You're going to understand people better. You're going to maybe find things that you will help you as well, because you're really listening. And you go, ah, I never thought about that. Now that is interesting. I'll take that away with me. Maybe I don't agree with it in total, but there's something in there. Because you've listened, really listened. So that's it, really. Sometimes it's difficult to know what you do want in a podcast That was me talking about me, because I don't get listened to enough. It's a weird thing for someone who does a podcast, but it's always a thing. These answers are hiding in plain sight. They are for me anyway. And I just miss them sometimes. And sometimes it's just sitting down and thinking, you know, what I want, what am m I or what don't I want to start off with? Well, I don't, because sometimes it's difficult to know what you do want. So let's find out what I don't want. And then, well, if I didn't have that, what would I have instead? So I don't want to be ignored. I want to be listened to. I want to be able to share the things that are important to me. Well, to do that, I don't get a right. It's not my right to be listened to. I have to listen first. I have to give first. Because the thing is with that act of selfless service, you say it before you do it for no want of return at all. But you get dolloped on, with wonderful things in return. It's wonderful that way. And these are just little things in life. Because what's it all about, you know, when we really communicate with people, Isn't it lovely when we really understand somebody? Isn't that lovely? You know, don't, know why I keep saying, you know. But I often think, and I've had it before, maybe you have. Does this resonate with you occasionally? It's not always, but I want to do it more. When I've really listened to somebody, I've suddenly found out something really special about them that I didn't know. And I thought, wow, you surprised me. You know, they tell you what they're interested in, what their hobbies or what they've experienced in the past, you go, wow, you did that. Oh, wow. And it inspires you to do more. And all you've done is listen and ask questions of them to get more to share. You know, maybe bloody, you know, again, I'm going to cut that out. I can't remember what I was going to say now, but just to be there, to share experiences. Oh, I know. I was going to say sometimes it means just being a little bit vulnerable, you know, that lovely word vulnerability. But it's not. It's just listening, isn't it? And then knowing that when you share, they'll listen. It's nice to be heard, but maybe. And the thing is, this is last thing. When you are communicating in a way that people can understand it, can understand you, can understand your intention, what you're trying to share. The thing is, you get to know it better, too. You do. It's always said that if you learn something, if you can share it with somebody verbally, you get to know how well you understand it. And, maybe where there's some gaps that you need to look further so you're never just blindly thinking, I know it all, you actually find, yeah, there's more to learn. Yeah, well, that was a ramble, my friend. it was all about me. That's what a lot of these podcast episodes have been about. And I think they'll be about more now. Something, again I'm thinking about to remind myself and hopefully in those reminders to re. Remind. I'll remind you of the skills that you've got, too. And one of them is how to be heard. Because you've got a lot to share. I hope it made perfect sense. Well, not perfect. I hope it made sense. If it didn't, please let me know. If there's something that it sparked in you. Maybe there's something that resonated. You go, ah, I'd love to hear about it. Feedback@personaldevelopment unplugged.com that's the email address. And he comes to me. I'm the only bugger here. And let's have a little dialogue, not a monologue. And maybe we could inspire each other and then use it to create an episode that inspires many. Wow, that is selfless service, isn't it? And we get the benefit. And the thing is, we get the result too. We get more. Enjoy. Please share this. Please do share this Again, as I said, just share what you know, but tell you know, if you would just tell it where you. Where you got the words out, where you got it from. Do share the Personal Development Unplugged podcast on social media Got it from Cloughie. There's a guy on the podcast, personaldevelopment unplugged.com you ought to subscribe like I have. You have subscribed, haven't you? But do share it. I mean, I know it's a big ask, and I do ask this, but what would happen if you just shared it on your social media? I heard a great episode. It's a personal development army. Personal Development Unplugged podcast. Yeah, you might just learn something that's a good thing to do. It'd be like a paying it forward bit of selfless service. Maybe you'll be heard. Okay, my friend, till next time. I'm gonna go and get my puzzle book out again. Okay, have fun. More fun than you can stand and be sharing in a kind way. Bye bye now. Warning. You are now leaving the unplugged mind of Paul Clough. It's time to fly on your own. Be brave, my friend. Personal Development Unplugged. Personal development [self improvement] [self development] [NLP] [Hypnosis]