Show notes
Letting Go of Anxiety and Loneliness -The Deeper Dive Breaking the Cycle of Anxiety and Loneliness Transforming Isolation into Connection Hey there, my unplugged friends! Welcome back to another episode of the Personal Development Unplugged Podcast—the place where we keep things real, relatable, and ridiculously helpful. Today, we're tackling, again but deeper, what so many of us experience: the sneaky, self-reinforcing loop of anxiety and loneliness. You know the one—it starts with feeling anxious, which leads to withdrawal, which leads to loneliness... and before you know it, you're caught in a cycle that's hard to escape. But don't worry, we're diving deep into how to break free and rediscover connection. What We'll Chat About Today Previously, we explored some practical tips like sending a simple text or making small, meaningful connections in your day-to-day life. These are brilliant starting points, but what if they don't quite hit the mark? That's where the deeper work begins. In this episode, we'll uncover how your unconscious mind might actually be keeping these feelings of anxiety and loneliness around for a reason. Yep, your unconscious is trying to help you—just in an outdated, unhelpful way. Here's the thing: anxiety and loneliness often stem from old patterns that were created to protect you in the past. We'll ask powerful questions like: What is this anxiety or loneliness trying to protect me from? Where did these feelings first come from? By understanding the positive intention behind these emotions, you can guide your unconscious mind to let go of what doesn't serve you anymore and replace it with something that does. Practical Steps for Transformation I'll share simple but powerful exercises, like jotting down your qualities and strengths or visualizing the version of you that you're ready to step into. These tools help you tap into the wisdom and resilience you already have inside. And hey, if this feels overwhelming, don't go it alone. A skilled therapist can be an incredible guide in this process, helping you uncover the root cause of what's holding you back. Let's Make a Change Together So, are you ready to unplug from anxiety and loneliness? Let's turn these challenges into an opportunity to grow, connect, and shine even brighter. Subscribe, press play, and share this journey with someone who needs it. https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/427-letting-go-of-anxiety-and-loneliness-the-deeper-dive Shine Brightly 🌟 Paul Hey there! I'd love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you've enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at [email protected]. Subscribe to the Podcast Ready to subscribe? Click here to explore your options. Or, if you're on Apple Music or iTunes, you can go straight to subscribe or leave a review here. Special Programs for You For tools on developing Supreme Inner Confidence, finding Freedom from Anxiety, or specialized Hypnosis Tracks, visit PaulCloughOnline.com. Free Hypnosis Tracks Want access to my FREE hypnosis tracks? Head over to paulcloughonline.com/podcast. Connect with Me Follow me on Twitter: @pcloughie Remember: I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. This podcast and any of my online resources are for educational purposes only. Never use the hypnosis tracks or exercises if you're operating machinery, driving, or if you have epilepsy or psychiatric conditions. Always consult a healthcare provider if you're unsure. Find Us on Other Platforms Catch the podcast on Spotify, Castbox, iHeart Radio, YouTube, or on our Libsyn page. Stay tuned, and keep shining brightly. ✨ Music Credits Music by Wataboi, DreamHeaven, ccjmusic, and others from Pixabay. And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism We talked about the link between anxiety and loneliness a while ago Hey, a little while ago we talked about that link between anxiety and loneliness, isn't we? And we did some cognitive work, but we talked about how anxiety and loneliness seemed to feed off each other, don't they? There's a cycle, I remember that word inextricably linked. I said, and to do something about them we needed to break the pattern. We needed a pattern interrupt, didn't we? And what we talked about was more cognitive stuff, I guess, things to do consciously. So with the anxiety I talked about reaching out to people to consciously reach out. Maybe just a text to somebody saying something like hey, just thinking about you wondered how you were just reaching out to somebody. Just generally not wanting anything in return but just making that just to know there's people out there. And then there was that loneliness where we, we were seeking connection, micro connections. And I said things like when you go to the coffee, coffee shop just and literally not just when go to a coffee shop and talk to the barista. Hey, thanks man. You lovely cup of. I love the way you do that milk. And just little things that smile to somebody just making connections, micro connections, you see, they all work. And even if this anxiety loneliness link is creating real problems, they still work. Because small baby steps call, small incremental steps help break the pattern. They act as pattern interrupts. And those synaptic gaps of yours in your neuroplasticity and all that stuff that I have no idea what I'm talking about is they fire and wire together. You're setting up new connections little by little. And little by little these micro changes, incremental changes add up to something huge over a few days, over a month. So whether loneliness and anxiety is a little thing in your life that, that will work things like joining classes. And I said, you know, for me, if I was doing it, I would join a cookery. Cause I like cookery. Or cooking, creating things in the kitchen. And so at the worst if I didn't meet anybody, I'd come out with some really good skills, but I would meet somebody like minded people. And you don't have to go out your way to, to make that conversation ca. Because they're just there in the room. That's a little thing. So even, but even if you've got this issue of loneliness and the link, with anxiety and it's more, more of a problem to you now. Those little things are things that just will help, I don't know, just break the pattern. They call it in nlp, loosening the model of the world. Because at the moment you're in this model or you have this model of the world that is so tight it's yours and you believe there's nothing else. But then when you start to loosen it by doing these little micro things, things just happen or you create little cracks in them to allow new stuff in. So if this is though something that is getting to be a real problem now, I would always say without a shadow of a doubt, go and seek help, professional help, one to one therapy. Get into therapy if you can face to face. Did great work online and I love working online, but I prefer working one to one. Why do I prefer one to one? Because when you're in the room with somebody, you just get a little bit more, I don't know, intimate signaling. You can see the whole body. So if there's any communication, nonverbal communications that your unconscious mind is giving and they become clearer. But as I say, online works just as well. It just takes a little, it's another skill, I guess. But if you can see it one to one, as I said before, go. And for me anyway, this is my, it's my field that I grew up in or was trained in. It's really looking for someone who's a master hypnotist, someone who's really good at hypnosis, who can really help guide your unconscious mind to find what it needs to learn and let go of this anxiety and this loneliness, to notice what the conflicts are and just let it go. But not only just a master hypnotist, I would suggest someone who is excellent in NLP and timeline therapy. Because you tend to find. What I found is people who have those three skills, they just seem to get results really quickly and they're results that come through in a comfortable way. You don't have to go and revisit the old any traumas of the past. You don't have to worry about that because it's not gonna happen. It's your unconscious mind that learns from the past. You just have to know how you do what you do and how you want to be. And that's the most important thing, how you want to be. But it's that philosophy of understanding. Your unconscious mind is doing something for you, but it's now no longer inappropriate. The behaviours and emotions are no Longer appropriate. But I do understand that can be a bit expensive for some people. It can be. Now what I always do is I would say to you, first of all, if you are going to seek professional help, make sure you get a consultation. Because before you do the work you really want to find if you are comfortable with what that person is going to do, how they do it, what is their philosophy and does it resonate with you and ah, are you comfortable with them? Because if you don't tick those two boxes and you have to tick both, find somebody else that ticks those two boxes if you tick those two boxes I'm comfortable with. You may not understand what you're saying, but it feels like the right thing. You've explained it in a way that resonates with me. I think you're gonna get a really good result. But then you might sayie cluy, I've done that. I ve found someone but they're a bit expensive. And when I say expensive, it's more than I can afford. That's the difference. And if it's more than you can afford, ask do you do any concessionary rates? Cause I really can't afford it. And generally and I can't speak for everyone, maybe just ourselves, my sons and I, we offer accessory rates for people who can't afford it, really can't afford it or you know, maybe on hard times they just can't afford it but they really need to help and we will reduce the rate. The other thing you can do, you can ask to pay it forward. Is there something I can do for you in return? You know, do that like for like. And sometimes you find that you have skills that that person would want, maybe just be muscle skills. But hey, you've really got to ask because I really want you to get that therapy. And by the way, what I'm talking about now will also help and it will not hinder your therapy because this is all looking to assist you to make those change or make those changes and as I say, loosen that model of the world. So when you do get into that therapy, boom, it happens even better, even quicker. But the thing is, is that it if I just say oh, we just stop here? No, of course not. It wouldn't be personal development unplugged and all the stuff that we do now, we've talked about therapies, I go do that, go and have a good look and if you're having any issues, send me an email and I'll try to guide you to the Right type of. Or right type of questions to ask. I'll tell you the email later, but do that. But the thing is this anxiety. Let's go there now. Anxiety and the loneliness. Let's get a little bit deeper. I said we're gonna dive deeper on it. And I want you to be able to, to do some more work on yourself. Not just those little cognitive, consciously incremental behavior changes, but let's get a little bit deeper, right? Because I, know it doesn't feel good to it. And if things don't feel good, it means it's not working. And when I say it's not working, it means your unconscious mind, whatever it's trying to do for you, and it's doing something positive for you, always trying to, but it's just using inappropriate behaviors and emotions and things like that now because it's making you feel maybe, I don't know, that anxiety is causing you to feel overwhelmed. Maybe there's some sadness, some grief. Maybe you're just getting really unconfident now. You know, you get that, uh, impostor syndrome You know, you get that, impostor syndrome. Or you get I'm stuck in the house or my m place and I don't want to go out anymore. Or maybe things like ocd, you get different behaviors suddenly coming up. They're all little different effects that you can get. But the real thing to do is, yes, you've got all those. And they're all labels and they're all effects. And the thing is, they are all effects of this inextricable link. I love saying that word, inextricable link between loneliness and the anxiety that's just feeding off each other. And we're not go going to deal with the overall. We're not going deal with the sadness. We're not gonna deal with the grief. We're not going to deal with the unconfidence, and impostor syndromes in isolation. Cause as I say, they're purely effects. And you don't deal with the effects we deal with the root cause. Because when we deal with that, we get empowered and things have to just let go. They just have to go disappear. Cloughie: What does anxiety and loneliness do for you in the positive Here's the question. What is this anxiety, loneliness doing for you? What is it trying to do for you in the positive? That's what we want to find out. What is, we call it the positive intention. Now, you would probably say when I'm feeling overwhelmed, when I'm feeling sad, when I'm grieving, when I feel unfident and all that other stuff, I find it very difficult, Cloughie to say, well, there's something positive here. But I assure you there is. Come with me. Because I know that it's protecting you and'protecting you from what? And that's what we want to find out because this is all to do with protection. So how do you find out? How do you find out? Well, we're going to ask questions. That's the thing. We're going toa look into that feeling, the emotions and the beliefs that are. That are there supporting this and notice what is this loneliness protecting you from what now? And also in the beginning, if you could go back a little bit in your lifetime, go back into the past and just instead of going into any traumatic events, just notice what are the type of things, what type of context is this loneliness and anxiety protect you from? And I'm going to give you a couple of example, examples. I'll say that clearly. I'll give you a couple. I say, I say it clearly. And I didn't. What are these? O here we go. I'll give you a couple of examples. Well done, Cluy. You got it out. Or maybe things at the beginning was just not looking silly in front of people, not doing things what you were considered to be right or they might think as being right, good enough. Maybe it's protecting you or for embarrassment keeping you away from the spotlight. A lot of people sometimes get to. To feel invisible, seeing that quite a number of times with my clients, they just feel invisible and they don't like that feeling and that makes them feel lonely, that gives them anxiety. But it's trying to do something for you. You see, you don't want to look silly. That would be not nice. You don't want to appear not to be able to do things right or good enough. You don't want to put yourself into positions where you'd feel embarrassed, keep you away from the spotlight. All of those are wonderful positive, wonderful positive intention to protect you from all those type of emotions. But the thing is, it doesn't feel good, does it, when you're like that? Because normally what happens is when you're. Or there tends to be a direct conflict, they're the complete reverse. My words today, the complete reverse. The complete opposite. Because it's your unconscious mind is trying to stop you looking silly, not doing things right. And you don't. But the thing is when you do that, you feel silly. You feel that you can't do it right. You feel embarrassed. It hurts to be away from the spotlight because you'd like not necessarily to be in the spotlight, but you don't want to be away from the spotlight either. And the thing is, it's acknowledging that your unconscious mind is trying to do something for you, not pushing it away. Because when you push things away, they generally push back harder. The more you push and the more you think about the negative things, the how much you don't want it tends to come back even stronger. Because what you think about most of the time is what you get whether you like it or not. And if you're thinking about this anxiety, this loneliness, guess what? You get more of it because you find more of it. Now the thing is, the real philosophy of this, type of thing, I guess, is to say, well, acknowledge your unconscious mind for doing something so, positive for you for such a long time. But if you were to learn from it, learn from the emotions, learn from the very first time, maybe learn from the complete conflict that's going on now and change it. Because you still want to be protected, don you, you want to be protected from embarrassment, you want to be protected from not being good enough, looking silly, not doing it right. But also you want to feel empowered and comfortable. And when you don't feel empowered and comfortable, it means your unconscious mind is now using inappropriate behaviors and beliefs. That's all. And if you were have changed that, wouldn't it be nice if you knew, without doubt, and you believed without doubt that whatever you did, you wouldn't look silly, you wouldn't look like you couldn't do, it right. You wouldn't be embarrassed and you could choose to be not necessari're in the spotlight, but you wouldn't be hiding. That, would d be brilliant, wouldn't it? And it's really a matter of now just educating your unconscious mind that is no longer working. Because you see, way back then in the past, when your unconscious mind created, chose to use these behavurss, emotions and beliefs, you were little, I don't know how little, how young. But whatever happens, you had very little wisdom. You had very little experience in the world. So what your unconscious mind could choose to use, as in skills, beliefs and emotions were very few and far between. You know that now you have a massive chunk of experience, a massive chunk of wisdom and knowledge that you didn't have then. So one of the questions we could ask is what was our missing back then? What didn't I know back then that I know now? What emotions, have I got now? Positive emotions that would help me be the way I want to be that I didn't have back then. What skills do I have now that I didn't have back then? And you have a myriad of all of them. now, what you could do ca. Because you might say to cluy, yeah, that makes a lot of sense. But I don't know what they are. Well, there's a number of ways we can find out. One of them is to do a thing called my qualities. It's a little process that I brought out a long time ago when I was in my little darkest times and I had to find out what my qualities were for being alive. And you just write down like a big mind map in the middle of circle saying, my qualities or the qualities of Paol not for you. You put your own name down and you draw lines away from that circle, and you just write down any quality that you've ever, ever, ever, ever had. So there is a longer podcast on this. I can't remember the number for the life of me, but you could search it. But there's also a hypnosis track in my complimentary 65 plus free hypnosis, processes. Find that one, and you can play with that to find the qualities that you have and then say to your unconscious mind, look, these are the qualities I have now. These are all the things I've learned. And they don't have been in any particular context. They're in every context. And these are what we're not using. What would it be like if we use them in place of the others? The way I'm working now, now you say, well, I understand that. Cloughie again, I'm getting there a little bit. So then I'd say, well, okay, well, you've got an idea. The qualities you have. You might even just imagine a younger you in front of you You might even just imagine a younger you in front of you. And this is a weird thing, but it's a lovely thing. And as you notice a younger you, when you get that connection, you will know what they didn't have back then that you have now in abundance. What qualities you have now that they didn't have back then and they needed back then. And if they'd had them back then, you'd have been completely different. This issue wouldn't be around. So just notice. And, one of the big things that people really forget, and I remind my clients when I do this with them, and I do it quite a lot with them, one thing that younger you didn't know was having the knowing that it's gonna be okay. Cause you're here now. You're in front of me. You're listening to me. You're breathing. You're seeing the world. You are alive. You got through it. And you've learned so many different, wonderful new things since then. So that might help you just understand the qualities and the skills and the emotions that you have now that you needed back then, but you've got them down in abundance. And you see sometimes when your unconscious mind just realizes that, it realizes that it's using those old skills and it's missing out all these wonderful things that you have when it realizes that, you can help it by going, well, how do I want to be? How do I want to be? And, I'm going to tell you now. I want you to visualize it and write it down. Now, again, we've talked about visualization. Is it 2020 vision, or is it just an awareness? And m, it's either or on everything in between. And when you write it down, you'll be writing down exactly the way you want it. And what I want to say to you is, do it exactly the way you want it. and, imagine that if this is. Well, if this is difficult, just say, well, at this moment in time, I'm in the problem. So I don't. I don't believe I can have it. Okay, Imagine knowing that it's not going to happen. How would it be? How would it be knowing it's not going to happen? I can imagine anything, I bloody well want because there's no restrictions. And you visualize and write down exactly what qualities you would have having got rid of this anxiety and loneliness, what strength you would have inner strength, what emotions you'd be feeling? What would be that wonderful, powerful belief or set of beliefs that would support you through being this way? And, make the bloody thing up, visualize it, write it down, and really just have, I, don't know, that childlike quality of imagination. Because you can have anything you like. And, just imagine how you'd like to be, not how you think you ought to be, how other people, you see are. now they can give you a little hint and you try it on, but how you want to be. How would you b. If this issue was completely disappeared? And when you can really get into that, how'd it feel? How'it feel if you had them all now? And when you can feel all of that now, you can simply ask that question. What would it be like if I felt this way, acted this way? Would I be safer? Would I Be more comfortable. And you know the fucking answer. Excuse me, Swear, but you know the answer. It's yes. So act as if. Begin to act as if in small increments. Do that stuff we've talked about in the previous podcast, but start to do it because you know the answer to the question. Your unconscious mind knows the answer to the question, and it'll begin to support you. And you just look out into the future, see yourself doing it, and then go out in the real world and act as if, but in small increments. Don't try to jump the stream or the river. Find those little steps, incremental steps, because they'll just make a huge difference over a period of days and weeks. It really will. And I sit quietly and ask, you know, my friend, that's your inner friend. Your unconscious mind, these old behavurss, emotions, they really aren't working because they feel shit or whatever words you would say. That's the way I say it to myself. They're just not working. They're in direct conflict with what you want. For me, I know, to protect me. How can I learn? How can I learn from the past? Have those learnings available to me whenever I need them. Go find the skills, emotions, beliefs of, that other way and put them in place. Just notice how, well they would have worked in the past and how well they'll work right now. And as you do that, and you listen and listen with all your senses, wait for that intuition. Ask, what are the, the smallest incremental steps that I could do to begin to act as if and be the way I want to be? And again, write them down, schedule them. Okay, I've got this small little thing I'm gonna do'mnna do today, I'm gonna do it tomorrow. Don't let it go too far. Make sure you schedule them and do them. Act as if. Imagine yourself doing it right now. See yourself successfully feeling so good and comfortable doing that little incremental step. Act as if, because this is you, and your unconscious mind will support you. And if you just. There's one more thing we can add to this, the one thing you could add to this which I think works so well, which is like my miracle question again. I did, I don't know if I did a FN Q on this or a longer podcast, so look up. Search for my miracle question. And knowing you've written now, you must write this stuff down. I keep telling you because it's so important you know how you want to be. You Know how you want to feel, you know what you want to do. So as you think about that, ask the question, what would it be like to be. And you fill in the blank to feel. You fill in the blank to have a successful. You fill in the blank and feel comfortable and safe. When I. You fill in the blank and then finish it with the wonderful words this or something better and then just let it go. Now when you put this all together and you put in together the little incremental steps that we talked about before and what comes to mind when your intuition it will make such a difference to you. I know it will it? Personal Development Unplugged helps you communicate with your unconscious mind Even if you're going to see a one to one therapist, this will help you anyway because it'll guide your unconscious mind to ask the right questions. And when you're asked how do you want to be? Your'bloody know how you want to be. Because if that therapist isn't asking you how you want to be, find a better therapist. Because you really want to know how you can communicate with your unconscious mind how you want to be. Now this is only one way, although there's lots of little steps in there, there's a general principle of philosophy. But this is one way if you want more. But I want you to try this first and then give me the feedback. How are you feeling? what worked? What didn't work? What just give me some feedback and then we can work out more for you. Or if there's a I say this more clearly again, if there's something specifically that you feel that's missing again, let me know. How'd you do that? Well, my email address is [email protected]. that's it. Send me that email and we'll create something for you. It will disappear. Everything has to change. And when you're looking for all this positive stuff, the negative has to start to subside, to disappear. Because you can't think of good stuff and bad stuff at the same time. And it's not bad stuff. I say it's just no longer working, it's no longer appropriate. So we ve just gott to educate. Guide your unconscious mind into a new way, a new way that makes you feel safe and comfortable. And that's a priority for your unconscious mind. It's a prime directive of your unconscious mind. It has to do that. So let's just guide it, help it along and you're the best person to do it. Don't listen to anybody up. Well, listen to me. You know how you want to feel, be brave and think about it. I know that seems a funny thing to do when I said, you know, make it up. But that's what I do. When people are, frightened of flying. I get them to go into a plane in their mind under hypnosis and have a ball, do all the things they would never dream of doing on a plane because a little while ago they felt so frightened. But knowing that it's never gonna happen, they can have a ball on a plane, flying, they can do anything they like. And, because of that, they suddenly realize, consciously and unconsciously, hey, I might not do all of this in the real life, but I could do a lot of it. And it just opens up that model of the world. It loosens the model of the world and allows the little cracks to develop. So you can then send in these wonderful positive messages to your best friend, your unconscious mind. I know I tripped over my words, and I do apologize. I like to be a bit more better in my communication skills, a bit more articulate. But I really hope that've I've created something for you that you can really grab hold of now, something you can take and use and do. because that's what it's all about here at Personal Development Unplugged. Breaking down the complicated, the things that seem insurmountable into lovely little processes, steps that just really bloody work. If you need some hypnosis, you know where to go. You just sign up to paulcloughonline.com/podcasts. You can get all of those, hypnosis tracks, include that one about my qualities. Some great stuff there. I might find something from here to do a hypnosis track on. I've got to see Ham Manyia. What's in that bloody 65 lot? Anyway, I hope that it's been good and I hope your earbuds are now buzzing. And if you've enjoyed this, or if it's made you think, or if it's made you go, yeah, that's awesome. Please share what you've learned. Please share the podcast. If you only share it to one person, that would be awesome. If you can share it to more, that'd be even. Because we want to make a difference. And sharing is a way forward. It's like paying it forward, isn't it, for no want in return. That's a selfless service and it will ll make such a difference to you, to me and everyone else. So if you would, that would be kind. And, as I say, if you could just. If you haven't subscribed. Can you just press that subscribe button? Because that makes such a difference too. It brings this podcast into the awareness of others. Or more others have more fun than you can stand. Wallow in complete joy and happiness. And I'll see you next time. Be in your mind. Okay? It's time to fly, my friends. Bye bye. Warning. You are now leaving the unplugged mind of Paul Cloughf. It's time to fly on your own. Be brave, my friend. Personal development unplugged. Personal development [self improvement] [self development] [NLP] [Hypnosis]